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Update and apologies
8 years ago
Ok, so I know I have journals like these way too often, and I hate that. But I just want to start out that I'm not trying to seek any pity or anything, I just hope people understand is all, and every time, everyone has been so nice and understanding, so I know I don't have too much to fear, but it's just my anxieties...
Alright, so I want to apologize to everyone, and especially to those on my commission queue, I did not want this to happen. I do plan on getting to the commissions eventually though, don't worry, I'm not cancelling it, I'm just hoping people will have patience with that, and I completely understand if you want off the queue.
All of last month, I was getting interference with my internet, and it was nearly impossible for me to do anything. I could hardly watch videos on youtube. It seems to have recently stopped though, so hopefully I won't be dealing with that anymore. There's a bit more to all that, but eh, I don't feel like getting into all that mumbo jumbo.
But anyways, the deal is that I have had a lot riding on me lately, and I've probably been the most depressed I have ever been in my entire life. I can hardly get myself to draw. I have drawn maybe only a handful of things in this gap of time that I've been silent, and even then, those drawings have been god awful, and I really don't want to go into my commission queue with drawings like that, I want them to be the most quality things that I can put out there. I want people to be legitimately happy to pay for what they get and not have any regrets.
I've been needing to find myself an actual job lately, because I cannot support myself with just these commissions. It's not so much the prices being the issue, but my depression. It makes my working schedule completely unreliable, and I just can't get into a certain level of professionalism with it because of it. I have thought about doing a patreon or something, but again, I just can't do something like that until I can have a more consistent schedule and stick with it.
So anyways, I will be going to see about getting me some antidepressants soon, it honestly scares me because sometimes they don't work, or even worse, have side effects that can be very scary. But that's just my anxiety making me freak out, so hopefully this works out and I can start getting shit done. And don't worry, I have a feeling once I get a job, I may be tired and have a hard time finding time drawing, but my plan is to have a job and continue drawing when I can. I don't plan on stopping once I have the job. The thing is I might just draw more for me and do a little less commissions is all.
Again, I'm sorry I've been absent so long. Sometimes it's just so hard to get out of bed, and my anxieties make it so difficult for me to long in to FA. I legitimately get scared when I think about it. I fear that my inbox will be filled with angry messages, and people hating me or something, idk... it's just my damn anxieties... and that's why I usually disappear for so long. Because I become too scared to even get on to this site, and the longer I don't log in, the more scary it becomes.
So like I said before, I'm not trying to look for pity... I just didn't want to beat around the bush much longer, and I feel like you guys really deserved a more detailed explanation this time. I just hope people will understand is all, and not hold it against me too much.
Alright, so I want to apologize to everyone, and especially to those on my commission queue, I did not want this to happen. I do plan on getting to the commissions eventually though, don't worry, I'm not cancelling it, I'm just hoping people will have patience with that, and I completely understand if you want off the queue.
All of last month, I was getting interference with my internet, and it was nearly impossible for me to do anything. I could hardly watch videos on youtube. It seems to have recently stopped though, so hopefully I won't be dealing with that anymore. There's a bit more to all that, but eh, I don't feel like getting into all that mumbo jumbo.
But anyways, the deal is that I have had a lot riding on me lately, and I've probably been the most depressed I have ever been in my entire life. I can hardly get myself to draw. I have drawn maybe only a handful of things in this gap of time that I've been silent, and even then, those drawings have been god awful, and I really don't want to go into my commission queue with drawings like that, I want them to be the most quality things that I can put out there. I want people to be legitimately happy to pay for what they get and not have any regrets.
I've been needing to find myself an actual job lately, because I cannot support myself with just these commissions. It's not so much the prices being the issue, but my depression. It makes my working schedule completely unreliable, and I just can't get into a certain level of professionalism with it because of it. I have thought about doing a patreon or something, but again, I just can't do something like that until I can have a more consistent schedule and stick with it.
So anyways, I will be going to see about getting me some antidepressants soon, it honestly scares me because sometimes they don't work, or even worse, have side effects that can be very scary. But that's just my anxiety making me freak out, so hopefully this works out and I can start getting shit done. And don't worry, I have a feeling once I get a job, I may be tired and have a hard time finding time drawing, but my plan is to have a job and continue drawing when I can. I don't plan on stopping once I have the job. The thing is I might just draw more for me and do a little less commissions is all.
Again, I'm sorry I've been absent so long. Sometimes it's just so hard to get out of bed, and my anxieties make it so difficult for me to long in to FA. I legitimately get scared when I think about it. I fear that my inbox will be filled with angry messages, and people hating me or something, idk... it's just my damn anxieties... and that's why I usually disappear for so long. Because I become too scared to even get on to this site, and the longer I don't log in, the more scary it becomes.
So like I said before, I'm not trying to look for pity... I just didn't want to beat around the bush much longer, and I feel like you guys really deserved a more detailed explanation this time. I just hope people will understand is all, and not hold it against me too much.
If you'd like to talk or just a daily reminder you're appreciated and talented and amazing I'd be happy to be a fan second and a friend first.
Hang in there as best you can, and I for one am not annoyed by your journals about all this that pop up from time to time. It keeps me informed and I like to know how people are doing.