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Made it through the exam, good hyper artist, chubby dragons
8 years ago
General
Journal parts:
- Exam
- Good hyper artist I found
- Looking for chubby dragons
Exam
The first exam of this year went horrible. I gave up on drawing as I needed to invest all my time into study work. I put everything I had into it and they only gave me 2 hours to get through 22 open questions which were separated into multiple parts. It was completely impossible, Only really handy students got through and even they needed the full 2 hours.
I felt defeated. No matter how much work I put into it it didn't matter at all. I put all my energy into it and got nothing back from it. I felt cheated, robbed of my hard work, someone had to pay for it. But the main teacher just said it was my own fault. I still have to do a retake of that exam on 4th of Januari. The time is increased to 3 hours but that's far too late for a change like that, why wasn't it like so before?
The anxiety issues that it increased were horrible, I felt like my hard wouldn't matter anymore if they could continue making such horrible exams The anxiety gave me issues with the class after that one. I kept looking for distractions because I didn't feel like my hard work would be worth it.
Finally this 3rd class. I still felt the same but yesterday I did the exam and it felt like I succeeded. I needed that. I needed that very much after the horrors of that first class.
The results of the 2nd class were in a few days ago but I didn't want a bad result to influence me negatively for the 3rd class's exam. I'm still scared that I might've failed the 2nd class too. I'm checking the results as I'm writing this... I, I made it. A 6,27/10 for the exam and 6,5 total score. This is a relief for me to see. It's not a very high score but at least I made it despite all my anxiety issues. I wish I could show that I'm better but I'll have to take what I get and at least it means I got through.
I still do compare myself with other students. I'm still frustrated with how other students are clearly better than me. However what I did get from the student I worked with is that she usually doesn't remember much of the material after the class is over. Mainly memorizing things for the exam and than losing it all afterwards. In short terms my memory isn't the best but I do memorize the material I study for a long time.
To study I write my own summaries of the lecture material, cut out all distracting junk from a lecture so I can better understand the core. But I have difficulty with separating main from side issue so I usually do end up studying everything, not knowing what they might ask, I'm never certain. I'm not sure how other students do it.
It's frustrating seeing everyone else getting through with such ease where everything has to be a fight for life or death for me. I want to be free from that and be like them, but something keeps me from it, it never lets me go. Forever to struggle where others walk over it with ease. I still haven't achieved the ability to be this perfect student that everyone seems to be, it frustrates me. I'm still my crappy self and nothing I do is ever enough, everything is still out of my reach as it has been from day 1.
At least I might be able to finish my bachelor this study year, but I'm still not a real student. When will I finally be, I can't see it anymore. When will the struggle and pain end? When can I feel good about myself?
To this day I still have achieved nothing. Nothing that confirms my existence on this world.
These frustrations and everything around it made me unable to see what's ahead, which is where I truly want to go after my study. Where do I want to work? What do I want as a job? The struggle with exams and with every shitty student being better than me. Even the one that made us both fail a class because he was a horrible project partner is already following a internship. I run into him every now and than which is how I know that. To me he is nothing but a symbol that shows how unfair things are in this crappy world. I hate him.
I'm planning on taking a year for myself before starting my master if I even manage to get through the bachelor. I can't endure this psychological torture device called a study anymore. It's too much, I need to escape from it.
Multiple weeks of work tested withing a short few hours time limit, which absolute moron though that that was a good idea. I would go back in time to end them earlier.
I'm sorry, I had to let that out.
Good hyper artist I found
Now that I finally have the time, I found this Japanese traditional hyper artist a few weeks ago. I'm surprised to still finding a new hyper artist to be truly amazed by today: https://twitter.com/syuro_syuro_ and https://syuro.tumblr.com/
Go and check them out! They're really good!
Also a artist that's still busy with his study like me. So it may take some time before you'll see a new piece.
Looking for chubby dragons
There's some drawing event on Pixiv. I'm not sure if I'll make it but I was thinking of drawing chubby dragons like Keltz, generally the ones that look a bit like
Kitora's style. I know 
brokenwing and a character from 
Gillpanda would fit that style, maybe 
kukukaku too. If you know any other cute chubby dragons like that, please let me know.
Also sorry for the lack of art again, it's been harsh with my study. I should be getting more time for myself now.
I will however be following a scientific literature study (class) starting next week. That means no strict study hours but I still need to put some work in reading many, many scientific papers and writing something based on all those papers. Something i will need to focus on than.
There's a few things I've drawn but it's mostly vent art and a unfinished piece.
- Exam
- Good hyper artist I found
- Looking for chubby dragons
Exam
The first exam of this year went horrible. I gave up on drawing as I needed to invest all my time into study work. I put everything I had into it and they only gave me 2 hours to get through 22 open questions which were separated into multiple parts. It was completely impossible, Only really handy students got through and even they needed the full 2 hours.
I felt defeated. No matter how much work I put into it it didn't matter at all. I put all my energy into it and got nothing back from it. I felt cheated, robbed of my hard work, someone had to pay for it. But the main teacher just said it was my own fault. I still have to do a retake of that exam on 4th of Januari. The time is increased to 3 hours but that's far too late for a change like that, why wasn't it like so before?
The anxiety issues that it increased were horrible, I felt like my hard wouldn't matter anymore if they could continue making such horrible exams The anxiety gave me issues with the class after that one. I kept looking for distractions because I didn't feel like my hard work would be worth it.
Finally this 3rd class. I still felt the same but yesterday I did the exam and it felt like I succeeded. I needed that. I needed that very much after the horrors of that first class.
The results of the 2nd class were in a few days ago but I didn't want a bad result to influence me negatively for the 3rd class's exam. I'm still scared that I might've failed the 2nd class too. I'm checking the results as I'm writing this... I, I made it. A 6,27/10 for the exam and 6,5 total score. This is a relief for me to see. It's not a very high score but at least I made it despite all my anxiety issues. I wish I could show that I'm better but I'll have to take what I get and at least it means I got through.
I still do compare myself with other students. I'm still frustrated with how other students are clearly better than me. However what I did get from the student I worked with is that she usually doesn't remember much of the material after the class is over. Mainly memorizing things for the exam and than losing it all afterwards. In short terms my memory isn't the best but I do memorize the material I study for a long time.
To study I write my own summaries of the lecture material, cut out all distracting junk from a lecture so I can better understand the core. But I have difficulty with separating main from side issue so I usually do end up studying everything, not knowing what they might ask, I'm never certain. I'm not sure how other students do it.
It's frustrating seeing everyone else getting through with such ease where everything has to be a fight for life or death for me. I want to be free from that and be like them, but something keeps me from it, it never lets me go. Forever to struggle where others walk over it with ease. I still haven't achieved the ability to be this perfect student that everyone seems to be, it frustrates me. I'm still my crappy self and nothing I do is ever enough, everything is still out of my reach as it has been from day 1.
At least I might be able to finish my bachelor this study year, but I'm still not a real student. When will I finally be, I can't see it anymore. When will the struggle and pain end? When can I feel good about myself?
To this day I still have achieved nothing. Nothing that confirms my existence on this world.
These frustrations and everything around it made me unable to see what's ahead, which is where I truly want to go after my study. Where do I want to work? What do I want as a job? The struggle with exams and with every shitty student being better than me. Even the one that made us both fail a class because he was a horrible project partner is already following a internship. I run into him every now and than which is how I know that. To me he is nothing but a symbol that shows how unfair things are in this crappy world. I hate him.
I'm planning on taking a year for myself before starting my master if I even manage to get through the bachelor. I can't endure this psychological torture device called a study anymore. It's too much, I need to escape from it.
Multiple weeks of work tested withing a short few hours time limit, which absolute moron though that that was a good idea. I would go back in time to end them earlier.
I'm sorry, I had to let that out.
Good hyper artist I found
Now that I finally have the time, I found this Japanese traditional hyper artist a few weeks ago. I'm surprised to still finding a new hyper artist to be truly amazed by today: https://twitter.com/syuro_syuro_ and https://syuro.tumblr.com/
Go and check them out! They're really good!
Also a artist that's still busy with his study like me. So it may take some time before you'll see a new piece.
Looking for chubby dragons
There's some drawing event on Pixiv. I'm not sure if I'll make it but I was thinking of drawing chubby dragons like Keltz, generally the ones that look a bit like
Kitora's style. I know 
brokenwing and a character from 
Gillpanda would fit that style, maybe 
kukukaku too. If you know any other cute chubby dragons like that, please let me know.Also sorry for the lack of art again, it's been harsh with my study. I should be getting more time for myself now.
I will however be following a scientific literature study (class) starting next week. That means no strict study hours but I still need to put some work in reading many, many scientific papers and writing something based on all those papers. Something i will need to focus on than.
There's a few things I've drawn but it's mostly vent art and a unfinished piece.
