Well little less then a month away and I'll be thirty. I've already done a lot in my life already, the only thing I ever truly worry about is, did I already hit my plateau? Did I already do the great work that I will do in this life? Then I think, what will I see next? What's next? I look at what I have lived through. Every challenge that has been placed in front of me to end me, I have passed.

I've lost count of how many times I have escaped death. I'm not 100% happy with where I am in life, but I am doing well to say the least. I bitch about things I shouldn't bitch about, I see that I do have the sin of envy at times. Mainly over being the son of a black sheep to a rich family, I've caught my self whining and crying over not haven gotten a million dollar property like my cousins got, or the 100k that they got, yet I got 10k my self. Let me help my parents when they needed it. Let me get a older BMW. Let me rent an apartment six months in advance.

To move forward in life I need to learn to be grateful for the things I have, and try not to want to consume more. The one thing I'd love for my birthday, would be the drive to write again. I beat my self up, saying I am a terrible writer, complaining at every mistake I make. Yet I have friends that have me lead games of Shadowrun, they love the story's I put together, yet I can't write a story, or a poem, and I haven't been able to for years. Not more then maybe once or twice a year if I am lucky, and it's normally just a few strings of words for the books in my head.

I find it funny that I went from a introvert in person, to an extrovert, while originally online I was an extrovert, yet now online I am an introvert. I think that is what keeps me from writing, that or the work I did in the military bugs me more then I admit to my self.

This year I know I just want to start focusing on what I can be grateful for in life. Annnnd to budget better so I am not living paycheck to paycheck XD