FA+
Shop
Life stress is getting to me.
8 years ago
♕ 
♕
1/12/13
【Ｔｈｅ Ｂａｅｓ】
Once again this could be entirely too much information, however I want full transparency with you guys as I always have.
I got a decent bit of life stress that's piled up specifically today and it's just about got me broken atm.
1.) I had been hoping to see both mine and my hubby's family yesterday but it wasn't able to happen. I didn't even get to spend much time at all with Ziah, We got a few hours together in the morning and he went to sleep as soon as he got home. So that really really bummed me out that I wasn't able to spend time with who I'm probably most thankful for on thanksgiving.
2.) So I didn't do many updates on it on here. But my car my mother had given me as a gift didn't pass inspection and needed about $700 of work done on it, then a week later when I tried taking it out again the engine started pooling smoke. So I decided I was done with it, I wasn't gonna pay insurance on a car that didn't run and couldn't get inspected and I didn't have a job at the time so I wasn't gonna be able to fix it anytime soon. So I took it off the road, gave it back to my mom and she ended up selling it for a few hundred dollars so she could get her car fixed and inspected. So since then I've been walking to work most days, and it's getting very cold in western NY. So I've been trying to hunt for cars as my grandma is a sweet lady and has offered to buy me a car, or help me finance one. Well, the person who is supposed to go car hunting with me has been pushing me off every single day I've been wanting to go. So eventually I had my hubby's parents take me to go see two cars I was interested in, the first one was sold and gone, they hadn't updated their website yet. The second one was there and we got to test out. It was fine, so I messaged my grandma and tried seeing if we could move forward with this second car. This was on Wednesday and they agreed to put a hold tag on the car till Friday (today) because I had to figure out things with her and they were closed yesterday. Well today I try to call to figure out what the end all be all price tag would be for me to walk off the lot with it today, and he was like "I can't tell you that, the guy you worked with before would have to tell you that and he's not in today." So I can't go up there cos my grandma is super sick, and my next ride doesn't wanna take me up there unless we know exactly what's going on. So that's sorta stagnating again.
3.) My mom told me last night that she found out that my dad ended up in the hospital last night. (Keep in mind I hate him so that's no real problem for me). She found out through the people he is staying with that this happened. She's not getting full information from them since she's not legally married to him anymore. But I was told this morning he was ODing and trying to kill himself, and I guess he was DOA at the hospital. So not entirely sure what's happening there since I don't know much more than that. I don't feel hurt or sad about it, it's more of that I had to find out, and on top of all this other stress happening that it's sorta making my mood foul today too.
4.) Spent this morning sorta having shit thrown at me for trying to help out our discord server, and doing my job as an admin. And now my suggestions to better the situation are going ignored as of now. So that pissed me off.
5.) Woke up feeling sorta sick. My stomach had turned,, and as well my throat doesn't feel great and my head feels sluggish. I feel better than when I first woke up but here I am still, feeling not great. I picked at my leftovers from last night and managed to eat some but the entire time I felt like I was about to vomit.
6.) I've had this issue that I've been really worried about and too scared to talk about much. To sum it up, I'm under the impression with some very serious symptoms that something may be wrong with me neurologically, or physically with my brain. I'm not wanting to get into it much, but I need to make some appointments to figure stuff out and maybe get an MRI, but right now I can't do anything until I get a car that I can use to get me to and from the appointments.
7.) My job isn't really giving me enough hours, and I'm worried with Christmas coming up and having a car I need to also pay for.
8.) I'm also dealing with horrific seasonal depression and anxiety, that is soul crushing if I'm being honest with you.
I'm not looking for support since I know I'm beyond help at this moment. Condolences and pats on the back don't help this situation at all, and I'm well past the point of talking things out. I'm just trying to make it out alive day by day honestly. So I'm really sorry I'm not fully here right now. I just have a lot going on.
Vitamin D supplements might help in this season, if you're not already taking them. Get sunshine, go a bit outside etc. - okay, that's now more directed at me ^^'
I'm feeling a bit better since the worst has passed. Still quite stressed, anxious and nervous - but I have also found more clarity and some of that nervousness is somewhat positive.
Christmas holidays are within reach - that's something worth looking forward to and the two weeks will bring at least a couple of relaxing days and fun time with my siblings :)
I do hope you will have good holidays though, everyone deserves that! And I hope any stresses you have may end up passing!