i've been thinking about some people that are doing sort of self destructive things just so they can avoid being sad or maybe dealing with their problem. and i want to tell them that they shouldn't so bad. but people now a days really don't want to hear that they have a problem, they just want you to embrace and accept it, like that'll make all your problems go away.

then i sort of thought, i guess i care too much about people, and taht that thought might be one of the factors why i ruin most of my friendships, aside from not seeing any worth in myself and wondering why anyone even likes me at all. i don't honestly know how i have friends when i can't even compare to any of them.

so, it sort of makes me cry so hard whenever i think about the friends i did have, before i ruined the friendship. i guess i bond with people way too easily, so i guess when i think someone is such an important, special person to me, they might not even consider me a friend. i know i'm a horrible person because the same thing happens everytime i do something, so i can i have an positive thoughts about ymself when i am never proven wrong? but it hurts when i lose a friend that i cared so much about, or when just one day i find out that, my friend has started ghosting me (never responding to anything i ever say regarless of wether they are online or not) or just quietly removing me from their friends list. i nkow that might sound creep but i like to look around, see things people favorite or just look for interesting names to see if they have really cool art or something. or if it's on a list with icons, that is way too hard to miss.

it really demoralizes me knowing that i guess people don't think i'm even worth the time to just tell me straight up that they hated me and that they never want to see me again. they never would then. if people just told me to my face that they don't want to be friends with me, then i'd be gone that moment and they'd never have to put up with me ever again.just think how simple life would be if you approached your problems head on.

there are a few people i miss so horribly. one had gotten rid of me everywhere, and another i personally reuind that friendship where i was told never to show my face again. and i cry about them whenever i think about them, because they were soime of the most important people i could say i know. i may call people friends, but i don't feel like i should do anything more with them until i meet them in person, because then i feel like i am allowed to use their real name or something. it's like... i don't know. me trying to respect them or something i guess.