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I owe everyone an explanation
8 years ago
General
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ 
Firstly, I'd like to apologize to everyone for popping out of existence for over half the year. It was never my intention to leave you all hanging with no sign of when I'd be back.
Truth be told, I didn't know when I would be back. But I knew I would return.
Life had gotten to a tipping point. I stayed up all night one night in early spring, sat on the edge of a high ridge behind my apartment, and drank myself silly. That was probably one of the stupidest things I've ever done. I easily could have seriously hurt myself.
But the thing is, I didn't care.
I felt alone and as if no one was on my side anymore. My monster got to me. And I gave in. Depression had overtaken me and it slowly consumed my life. I was angry all the time for no reason at all. And when I wasn't angry, I was crying. I couldn't fall asleep, and when I finally did, I overslept. I had no appetite. Everything I used to like just stopped getting my attention. I couldn't handle being around people. Even trips to the grocery store had me in a constant state of panic and anxiety.
To put it simply, I was wasting away a day at a time.
I eventually moved back to my hometown for a few months when my mom found out what I was going through. I went to the doctor and started taking Zoloft and began to feel better. However, there were too many negative side effects for me to continue taking it. So we switched. The next one didn't help me at all. So we switched again. Still nothing. I'm onto my fourth kind of antidepressant and I am still feeling no change.
Life however, has gotten better. I've moved back in with my boyfriend and he is set to finish school and graduate this December. Our dog is making sure he lets me know I'm loved every day by smothering me in kisses and making me laugh. Food has become one of my favorite things again and I'm cooking nearly every day.
There have been a few bumps in the road (I had to quit my favorite job because the drive began to be too much every week, got some bad news about my grandparents, friends drifting further away), but everything has been improving day by day. I'm back to a good place in life where I can work on art again. I've got my own desk set up and everything!
Lastly, I want to thank everyone for being so patient with me in this difficult time. Again, I am so sorry I made you wait so long and never gave any updates. I'd like to do something to make it up to you. I'll have a journal about it later tonight or early tomorrow.
I promise to never let anything like this happen again. I need to be honest with you all. If things have been rough, I need to let you know.With love,
Sin
Rest easy, take back what is yourself and find your feet again. Once you feel more yourself for a month or so, might like to take up an activity that also gives a positive feedback. Tai Chi, Yoga, jogging or going to the gym. Something that can help boost that I feel/look good feeling to fight depression, try not to spend too much time inside in one location if at all possible. Of course best to talk to your doc about this before hand as well :)
You don't owe us anything, but I am very happy to know you are still here with us, never be afraid of this community.
Many hugs and best & warm thoughts for you
I think getting out more and even just going on hikes with the dog will help me a lot. I used to be so active, but after high school, I slowed way down. I'd love to get back into some of the things I used to do. I felt so much better physically when I was doing something. I'll have to push myself and get on a schedule again to make it all work how I want.
And honestly, this community has been so kind. Not just to me, but to just about everyone I've seen who has been having a hard time. It's hard to find people as good as you all in day to day life outside the internet.
Thank you so much
Stay amazing and happy.