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Another Year Come and Gone On This Planet
8 years ago
Another day, another entry...
Approximately 30 years ago today, I had been born on this world. Now, I arrive at a time where my 20's are no more, never to return (unless something really weird happens like time traveling or something). As I approach my 30's, I think back on what had happened over the past decade...
When I turned 20, I felt a sense of pride as thought I had finally achieved adulthood. I was a bit optimistic on what was to come and had an eye on the future. But over the course of that decade, I had been through a few a triumphs and failures at once. Graduating with a biology degree was a triumph, as I had thought I had finally gotten something to help me on my career path. However...
I will say that my failure at Pharmacy School was, to date, one of my top five worst experiences in my life. The fact that I had been proven wrong on the degree of difficulty in going into pharmacy school as well as moving away into a place I had felt both fear and isolation had proven to be a sobering and depressing experience. Being kicked out of the institution due to not meeting their standards was a wake-up call of how not everything can go to how you plan things and how sometimes, there are things you aren't cut out for.
Returning home in a rather depressed mood, I found myself rather stuck, uncertain what to do. I had a job in order to pay off bills, but my second attempt to get a graduate degree with Forensics didn't bear fruit. I felt that familiar feeling of being stuck in a place...
Thankfully, I was able to break from the funk to head back and try again. This time, I've gone into Environmental Chemistry and I am doing OK with it. With luck (and a couple of years), I can get a degree I can use this time.
In terms of romance, I hadn't really tried to go out on the dating scene. The reasons I did this was threefold. First, it was because I didn't feel comfortable flirting or attempting to find someone out of a paranoid feeling that I'd somehow end up in situations where I received physical and psychological harm. In my mind, scenarios were ran where somehow, I ended up being worse off than before either immediately or further down the line. Second, I didn't pursue relationships because I felt I had not enough to offer to a partner that somehow was interested in me. I felt that, given my comparatively abysmal salary as well as my appearance and living situation, I'd be not worth the time of day for someone to have a relationship with.
But the third reason came after observations across the Internet as well as in real life. I had read and heard stories of those who had gotten into relationships, only to suffer in the long run. Whether it was a false accusation of a crime they didn't commit or being cheated on by their partner or even losing everything they had from the fallout of the relationship's end, Not only that, but I had seen those who declared that someone like me (a guy) was akin to less than filth on their shoes and inherently evil. No matter what one did to try to appease these individuals, you'd still be considered a scumbag in their eyes. Combined with the mantras of not needing someone like you in their life and you pretty much see relationships or even pursuing them as a doomed affair.
And so, I eventually decided to forego pursuing relationships, focusing on improving my lot in life. Although I do feel a twinge of melancholy from time to time, overall I feel like this is a good path to follow for now. Once I have put myself in a better situation financially and physically, I might be comfortable enough to try to find someone. However, now that I am at the start of my 30's, I get the feeling that I will start to experience these mantras:
"Are you seeing someone?"
"When will you get married?"
"When will you have children?"
My older sister had already asked me the first question twice this year. Both times I said no and I get the feeling she's worried I might become a hermit or some kind of social pariah compared to others.
If I had to describe lessons to those that approach their twenties or currently living them, I only have a few in mind. First, don't expect everything to go your way the first time around and have a backup plan. Second, save your money as best as you can, for this will help you out in the long run. And finally, don't beat yourself up over your mistakes. The energy and time spent doing that isn't worth it.
When I turned 20, I felt a sense of pride as thought I had finally achieved adulthood. I was a bit optimistic on what was to come and had an eye on the future. But over the course of that decade, I had been through a few a triumphs and failures at once. Graduating with a biology degree was a triumph, as I had thought I had finally gotten something to help me on my career path. However...
I will say that my failure at Pharmacy School was, to date, one of my top five worst experiences in my life. The fact that I had been proven wrong on the degree of difficulty in going into pharmacy school as well as moving away into a place I had felt both fear and isolation had proven to be a sobering and depressing experience. Being kicked out of the institution due to not meeting their standards was a wake-up call of how not everything can go to how you plan things and how sometimes, there are things you aren't cut out for.
Returning home in a rather depressed mood, I found myself rather stuck, uncertain what to do. I had a job in order to pay off bills, but my second attempt to get a graduate degree with Forensics didn't bear fruit. I felt that familiar feeling of being stuck in a place...
Thankfully, I was able to break from the funk to head back and try again. This time, I've gone into Environmental Chemistry and I am doing OK with it. With luck (and a couple of years), I can get a degree I can use this time.
In terms of romance, I hadn't really tried to go out on the dating scene. The reasons I did this was threefold. First, it was because I didn't feel comfortable flirting or attempting to find someone out of a paranoid feeling that I'd somehow end up in situations where I received physical and psychological harm. In my mind, scenarios were ran where somehow, I ended up being worse off than before either immediately or further down the line. Second, I didn't pursue relationships because I felt I had not enough to offer to a partner that somehow was interested in me. I felt that, given my comparatively abysmal salary as well as my appearance and living situation, I'd be not worth the time of day for someone to have a relationship with.
But the third reason came after observations across the Internet as well as in real life. I had read and heard stories of those who had gotten into relationships, only to suffer in the long run. Whether it was a false accusation of a crime they didn't commit or being cheated on by their partner or even losing everything they had from the fallout of the relationship's end, Not only that, but I had seen those who declared that someone like me (a guy) was akin to less than filth on their shoes and inherently evil. No matter what one did to try to appease these individuals, you'd still be considered a scumbag in their eyes. Combined with the mantras of not needing someone like you in their life and you pretty much see relationships or even pursuing them as a doomed affair.
And so, I eventually decided to forego pursuing relationships, focusing on improving my lot in life. Although I do feel a twinge of melancholy from time to time, overall I feel like this is a good path to follow for now. Once I have put myself in a better situation financially and physically, I might be comfortable enough to try to find someone. However, now that I am at the start of my 30's, I get the feeling that I will start to experience these mantras:
"Are you seeing someone?"
"When will you get married?"
"When will you have children?"
My older sister had already asked me the first question twice this year. Both times I said no and I get the feeling she's worried I might become a hermit or some kind of social pariah compared to others.
If I had to describe lessons to those that approach their twenties or currently living them, I only have a few in mind. First, don't expect everything to go your way the first time around and have a backup plan. Second, save your money as best as you can, for this will help you out in the long run. And finally, don't beat yourself up over your mistakes. The energy and time spent doing that isn't worth it.
Snowfyre
~snowfyre
happy birthday :D
MojoRover
~mojorover
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LEAF!!!!
