You might have noticed no new uploads! Everything went so well with the kigu and I had high hopes to finish it weeks ago. Sadly I restrained my shoulder while I was doing exercises (it was basic yoga lol) which I was advised to do from the doctors. Because my back/shoulders are already pretty weak and sensitive I was in pain and needed rest. I could barely walk or sleep because of it, everything just kept hurting :( Funny, I am trying to fix myself or at least get better and now it only gets worse O_O The more I work on myself to take a step forward, I take 2 steps back. I keep doing everything what they ask me to do, but I am loosing my motivation and getting more tired by the day. It's also hard for me to focus, either the physical or the mentally pain is taking over so whenever I try to fight one, the other is making it hard for me to do so and so on.
But I won't give up! I am trying to stay positive ♥

I made extra appointments to my physiotherapist and chiropractor and the doctor gave me extra strong painkillers, but I am off them now. It's going a bit better, but I am back to where I was with a few weeks doing nothing sigh. I still continue to have allot of pain and exhausting feeling in my back, so there is still much to do. I went to my doctors, because after years trying to get better, I got worse. Doctors said, because of the chronic pain in my back/shoulders and the constant exhaustion it gives me I have to start a different treatment. Advise was to go to a specialist (well nothing new there :P) and hope for the best and my back will get better which means I could get back to my commissions again O_O. I will start in January, 3 days a week and it takes about 5 months and check ups later that year. It's nothing special or dangerous just simple training and such with a coach both mentally and physically, just takes allot of time, energy and discipline. So I hope you guys will continue to have the patience with me and support me while I fight this so I can come back and be the person I was a few years ago. Making awesome stuff for you guys and to be happy! (note that I will try to finish commissions whenever I can, so I won't be off the radar this whole time :O)

Oh and in 6 months or so after I am done with making my back "better" or at least how to handle the pain, I will start (on the waiting list now) some coping techniques and mindfulness and all that stuff to also fight my demons. I have to take control over my head! I am so done with this big circle of being weak physical and mentally what keeps looping itself I am so tired of it. I just want to be happy, live pain free and being able to craft en draw again! I miss it and I feel worthless atm. Having people wait for their commissions, doesn't make it better either. I really hope it will get better tough. But for now, I need to rest. I am always here if you have a question or want to talk or commission related anything! Thank you all for your amazing support once again! ♥

I know there are people having it worse, I am not saying I have it bad and I know this is my own problem. Still I really appreciate everything and everyone here that is here for me, thank you!