I know I don't do too many of these journals cuz i normally think i'm not worth paying attention to but i like to think someone does read these. Xmas is coming around the corner again and one of my greatest wishes is just to curl up in bed with someone. I know I could do more to look for a guy but as poor as i am my options are limited and I'm not exactly quality boyfriend material. I look at my sisters and see that their lives aren't perfect but at least they have someone special. I thought I had a chance for someone special once but it was never meant to happen i guess, logic won that fight and I suffered my first heart break. I even wrote a song about it once, i don't remember all the lyrics to it but to sum up it was about burning the bridges to possibilities or something like that. In the end were still friends but, that feeling comes back now and then wondering if the possibility still exists. So i guess even if it's with a fur friend, I just wanna feel warm next to someone for the holidays cuz i figure physical contact is all i've ever known. Sorry to be a downer, just had to get that out and i didn't know where else to put it. Someone never had a relationship and only ever kissed twice in his life. Anyway...

So for all my fans on a better note I'm doing my best to catch up with what i owe to those who have been supporting me through my roughest of times. Without a stable job I've had to rely on my fans support and applying for government help. I have foodstamps but they won't be arriving until the 14th of this month so thank you everyone who has been supporting me with commissions. I apologize to those who have been waiting for a while on me. I wish my home situation was better then using what money i can to get delivery pizza to get me by for a few days. So thank you to everyone who watches me, spreads the word about me and even commissions me. It means allot to me that so many people are willing to support me by purchasing my art.

I don't think I've been to thankful lately with allot of my fans and customers, especially my long terms fans and those who i would call my fur family at this point so thank you all who have helped me these last few years with my rent and my food and bills it means allot.

I wanna get better as an artist and a business man and I know i have to be better for you all for putting up with me and doing so much for me. I think thats something i needed to remember is be appreciative of my fans and doing better by them all who support me. So i think if I never find a conventional job again I need to be more serious but have more fun with being an artist in the community of furs. I've made mistakes and promised more then i can deliver to a few of you and I wanna say I'm sorry. I'm doing my best to get by but it's not enough. One of my friends helped remind me, i need to find more enjoyment in my work and making people happy with my art, even if it is just a fetish it's something that makes people happy and I forgot that feeling out of my desperation to survive lately.

So I wanna do right by my fans and my supporters by trying to be a better artist and do something nice now and then. Like have free sketches again just for practice or for fun. I wanna practice my craft more to make money but have fun with it too.

I want to make Video games as my ultimate dream come true and I wanna make it happen someday with help form the community or my friends or maybe on my own... though that might be a stretch cuz I'm terrible working on things on my own. I need collaboration.

Anyway sorry for all the feelings and stuff, i don't like to emote much cuz sometimes i feel like it's a waste of time on my part and it feels like i'm complaining to anyone who'll listen but if you've read this whole thing I gotta say thank you and wow you have the patience of a saint. I know it's not fun listening to other peoples problems and stuff but it makes me feel better knowing that people see me more then my fursona and more then just a fetish artist that I'm a person who loves to do what he does with fetish art but still wants to do more, so thank you for listening.

And if you read the whole thing I would appreciate hugs in the comments cuz i'm love to give anyone hugs who read this so

*hugs* thank you

AND sorry one last thing I will be taking pre-orders for my video game pack soon, I still have a few more pics to get to 25 so i can open the pre-order bonus. I'm also working on a Hyper Female pack if anyone is interested, it's mainly sketches so it'll be cheaper then my usual packs. I'm also planning for a fairy tale creature pack of fat Fairy Tales since allot of you loved my Big Bad Wolf mini series i did, so thank you for that. And look forward to any other projects I might do with animatics again and more. Thank you all my friends, fans and supporters, i wouldn't be here with out your upport and I love you all.

Happy Holidays season or whatever you celebrate, i love you all 811 of my watchers