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Dec 17: Cleaning My Room
8 years ago
|██████████|SANITY
|██████████|ENERGY
Status: Coughy and Sickly
█ Another update to my mental health as I try another type of medication (fourth one so far). The ones I've tried so far while lowering my anxiety at the same time made me either very tired or unable to sleep. Current one I'm not sure if it's doing anything too significant.
I suppose what's helped me more than anything recently is running across a philosophical lecture about cleaning your room. My life is full of "I really should do this" but ultimately don't do it for one reason or another, but 'doing things' does need practice and repetition. So why not start with the simplest thing possible? Cleaning your room. Little things that are really hard to create an excuse for not doing: Tidying up the desk, making the bed, then moving to slightly harder things like reorganizing shelves and the closet. I spend a lot of my time in my room so why not make it a good room to be in? So I ended up at the point where I was cleaning my closet where I had put away old posters and trinkets that I had taken down from a previous room work-around and didn't feel like putting them back up, but putting them back out in my room does make it... well better. Reorganized my various computer wires, in where using piping insulation makes for a pretty good wire holder, and fills the gap between my desk and the wall nicely (to help prevent things from falling through in the future as well). Eventually my room was clean, tidy, a bit better reflection of who I am and what my interests are; something presentable before it wasn't really.
That sat with me for a little while, just maintaining the state of my room and not let it go back into disarray. So then what other little things I should do that I haven't yet? Cleaned up my computer desktop which was cluttered with things I wasn't using or referencing. Went through my FA notifications which were in the thousands and cleaned that up after going through it (hence the various set of new favorites I've recently done). Doing my best to keep a normal sleep schedule is another little thing I've been doing.
Course there's this journal which is another little thing.
For someone like me these little things doesn't come too naturally. I've spent so long living and dealing with the big things that caused me suffering in my life that the smaller things never really registered as something that I needed to pay attention to. It's like worrying about having sand in your shoes when your leg is broken, but I guess it never did occur to me until recently that after dealing with said broken leg that I can dump the sand out. So managing these little things is a new habit or routine I'm trying to form.
I have tried doing this kinda stuff in the past, but I didn't really commit to it because it ended up as one of those "Things I should do but..." Writing a journal seems like one of them super duper easy things, but relative to putting the dirty dishes away it's pretty complicated. Turns out (at least for me) making sure that I can commit to doing the most stupidly simple things does help in making the slightly harder things to do easier.
So the next little thing I'm going to do past this journal is to do some short art streams, get at least one picture done a day at least five days out of the week. A Monday to Friday sorta routine and what not. Structure and schedules are certainly more important than I've been willing to give them credit for in the past. I won't be doing FA notifications of my art stream, I find that the process of posting up an announcement each time is actually a sort of barrier in my way that gets in the way of me actually streaming. I will be streaming my art at https://picarto.tv/Endium when I do though, and it has a notification thing or whatever, but I do apologize for the inconvenience of me not doing FA announcements in regards to it. I have no idea as to what time I'll even be streaming either, that'll probably be something that shakes itself out in the coming days and weeks.
As to what kinda art streams it'll be, maybe stream based commission stuff. My money funds is getting a bit on the low end so either way I do need to get some income back in. Just need to start with the small stuff again and work myself back up to... well something I guess. In the end, just trying to build myself up to be slightly better than who I was yesterday.
Thanks for your support and patience over the years,
|██████████|ENERGY
Status: Coughy and Sickly
█ Another update to my mental health as I try another type of medication (fourth one so far). The ones I've tried so far while lowering my anxiety at the same time made me either very tired or unable to sleep. Current one I'm not sure if it's doing anything too significant.
I suppose what's helped me more than anything recently is running across a philosophical lecture about cleaning your room. My life is full of "I really should do this" but ultimately don't do it for one reason or another, but 'doing things' does need practice and repetition. So why not start with the simplest thing possible? Cleaning your room. Little things that are really hard to create an excuse for not doing: Tidying up the desk, making the bed, then moving to slightly harder things like reorganizing shelves and the closet. I spend a lot of my time in my room so why not make it a good room to be in? So I ended up at the point where I was cleaning my closet where I had put away old posters and trinkets that I had taken down from a previous room work-around and didn't feel like putting them back up, but putting them back out in my room does make it... well better. Reorganized my various computer wires, in where using piping insulation makes for a pretty good wire holder, and fills the gap between my desk and the wall nicely (to help prevent things from falling through in the future as well). Eventually my room was clean, tidy, a bit better reflection of who I am and what my interests are; something presentable before it wasn't really.
That sat with me for a little while, just maintaining the state of my room and not let it go back into disarray. So then what other little things I should do that I haven't yet? Cleaned up my computer desktop which was cluttered with things I wasn't using or referencing. Went through my FA notifications which were in the thousands and cleaned that up after going through it (hence the various set of new favorites I've recently done). Doing my best to keep a normal sleep schedule is another little thing I've been doing.
Course there's this journal which is another little thing.
For someone like me these little things doesn't come too naturally. I've spent so long living and dealing with the big things that caused me suffering in my life that the smaller things never really registered as something that I needed to pay attention to. It's like worrying about having sand in your shoes when your leg is broken, but I guess it never did occur to me until recently that after dealing with said broken leg that I can dump the sand out. So managing these little things is a new habit or routine I'm trying to form.
I have tried doing this kinda stuff in the past, but I didn't really commit to it because it ended up as one of those "Things I should do but..." Writing a journal seems like one of them super duper easy things, but relative to putting the dirty dishes away it's pretty complicated. Turns out (at least for me) making sure that I can commit to doing the most stupidly simple things does help in making the slightly harder things to do easier.
So the next little thing I'm going to do past this journal is to do some short art streams, get at least one picture done a day at least five days out of the week. A Monday to Friday sorta routine and what not. Structure and schedules are certainly more important than I've been willing to give them credit for in the past. I won't be doing FA notifications of my art stream, I find that the process of posting up an announcement each time is actually a sort of barrier in my way that gets in the way of me actually streaming. I will be streaming my art at https://picarto.tv/Endium when I do though, and it has a notification thing or whatever, but I do apologize for the inconvenience of me not doing FA announcements in regards to it. I have no idea as to what time I'll even be streaming either, that'll probably be something that shakes itself out in the coming days and weeks.
As to what kinda art streams it'll be, maybe stream based commission stuff. My money funds is getting a bit on the low end so either way I do need to get some income back in. Just need to start with the small stuff again and work myself back up to... well something I guess. In the end, just trying to build myself up to be slightly better than who I was yesterday.
Thanks for your support and patience over the years,
I really look forward to seeing you in my notifications again as I've always enjoyed your art and the devious devices/designs contained within.
Wish you the best, Endium!
It's evident you want change; that you're no longer comfortable being what you were. That you're being in motion even a bit is a sign you're willing to fight. And that's what you'll have to keep doing.
I tend to set things aside as well because my view is "it's going to get messy again" or something of the like.
I guess, learning from your current experience, that forced productivity will help to establish the necessary mindset for performing more productively.
I'm glad you're building up that motivation again and I hope to do business again with you soon.