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Jealousy
8 years ago
. . .
Jealousy is a bad thing aint it...
It obviously very much is.. Especially in my case where anyone is ten times better than myself.
Its not really up for debate. I love everyone but I know im easily replaceable.. anyone is.
I dont talk alot so Its already bad because people can easily forget me.
I think the only reason im still relevant in some people's lives is when I still favorite things and they see I still exist.
Im quite stupid and stubborn.. im not attractive at all... Ive even f,ound a painless way to go... after 2 horrid attempts that left me in pained for about a week.
I wish I could be better... but theres such an ugly truth I keep hidden and It contributes to me 'not having enough time' You can say I get better over time.. but I know I cant. Because its something I dont really have. Im damned if I do and damned if I dont.. a real catch 22
I constantly think about how things would be if I were sane.. Not having any mental instabilities... no breakdowns... just.. happiness.. and freedom from them... but.. thats not the case. I can safely say ive tried my hardest.. but its never enough.
Never has... Never will be.
It obviously very much is.. Especially in my case where anyone is ten times better than myself.
Its not really up for debate. I love everyone but I know im easily replaceable.. anyone is.
I dont talk alot so Its already bad because people can easily forget me.
I think the only reason im still relevant in some people's lives is when I still favorite things and they see I still exist.
Im quite stupid and stubborn.. im not attractive at all... Ive even f,ound a painless way to go... after 2 horrid attempts that left me in pained for about a week.
I wish I could be better... but theres such an ugly truth I keep hidden and It contributes to me 'not having enough time' You can say I get better over time.. but I know I cant. Because its something I dont really have. Im damned if I do and damned if I dont.. a real catch 22
I constantly think about how things would be if I were sane.. Not having any mental instabilities... no breakdowns... just.. happiness.. and freedom from them... but.. thats not the case. I can safely say ive tried my hardest.. but its never enough.
Never has... Never will be.
Envy is desiring what someone else has. Jealousy is thinking that others are going to take what you have.
Im very jealous because I can be forgotten so easily and replaced like 'that'.
Im envious because there's plenty of people who are 10x better than I'd ever be, and Id want to be liked, but I know that how I am.. will result in people not liking me as such..
We may have never really talked outside of a comment chain or two, but if you need someone to talk to, I can try my best to take the time, yeah? <3
And I can remind you, you are good enough too, you are beautiful and never truly alone, people out there love you, cherish those who do and keep moving forward with them, things get better eventually, even if it feels forever, they do, I promise that, I’m here for you if you ever need someone
Your character is beautiful.
I'd probably happily welcome it haha.