I really hate to do stuff like this, but honestly right now I feel the best thing I can do is vent and get all my feelings onto paper... or electronic screen in this case.

This past year has been full of ups and downs for me. There are times where I felt like suddenly I was feeling like my old self and that I could start doing even more with my writing and even drawing. And honestly over the past year I feel like I've gotten alot better with the latter. Still nowhere to where I'm satisfied, but that's the case with most anything. As for writing... I still enjoy it, but I'd be lying if I said I've been consistent with it.

I feel I make too many promises to people and then I feel awful when I can't get back to them right away. And it's my own fault. Not because I'm intentionally trying to make empty promises, but because I just can't seem to keep them, at least in a timely fashion. I have all this creative energy I want to utilize, yet every time I think I can break through my never-ending creator's block something always rears its ugly head and brings me back down.

The past few years I have come to realize just how bad my depression has been. Not to the point of doing anything rash, but I just don't enjoy life much anymore. The things I used to do and love, I just can't seem to stick to any of them. I can't remember the last movie or game or tv show I completed of my own volition. Likewise, I have so many commissions in my back catalog that I want to complete, but when I sit down to type them out, it seems like the creativity doesn't seem to flow.

I'm just a bad self motivator and a vicious procrastinator. And I want to be honest to everybody. They deserve to know how things are for me. And for people who are upset that it's taken me so long to fulfill those promises, you have every right to. Please don't take it as a slight towards you. This is also the reason why I never charge up-front for commission stuff. I don't feel right taking money until I have delivered what I've promised.

But this year I have also taken a big step towards getting better. I'm seeing a new psychologist and psychiatrist that are both helping in their own way. I just have to learn to be honest with them and with myself. There are so many things I'm terrified to talk about. I know that emotionally I'm not very good at making my feelings known to people. I always want to focus on their feelings first and foremost, usually in spite of my own.

I sincerely hope that the coming year is when I can start to turn things around. I've got a job that, while not the most glamorous, is one that I enjoy with a workspace full of people I can always get along with. I'm still learning new things, such as getting back into drawing after years and years of telling myself I had no hope of improvement. I've still been able to write a few things, most of which I'm very happy with. And I've still got plenty of friends, online and otherwise, who I can talk to and who will make feel better just by their presence.

I also truly want to get into a more regular schedule. Maybe try the weekly streaming thing again, or even make it a bi-weekly thing to start out. I'm considering doing a Patreon page at some point as well. And most of all, I want to commit to finishing more writing and drawing projects then ever before.

Will it happen? I don't like making promises that I'm not one-hundred percent certain I can keep, but I will do my damndest to see them through. Barring whatever comes up in life, health and otherwise.

Anyway thanks for reading my rambling thoughts. Hope you all have a great holiday season. You can look forward to alot more in this coming new year. And once again, thank you to everybody who is still following and favoriting my works. It's the greatest feeling in the world to know there are people out there who appreciate what you do.