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Feeling out of touch with... Kinda everything
8 years ago
Things have been so. Weird I guess that past few months to top off some especially weird few years.
It feels as though taking a break from art to survive through school maybe gave me the opportunity to step back and look at everything in a different light. And because of that i've noticed major flaws in the way I was functioning in the art world, and because of THAT now that I have time again to get back into the scene, I feel insanely disconnected from what it/I/my art was. Like i'm trying to pick up where a different person left off.
I'm really not happy with how things had gone previously in regards to my interaction with the art world, with my art period honestly. I've been inconsistent, i've changed my art from practically piece to piece and kinda made a mess of it, I've made promised I struggled to keep, I've made promises to myself that may as well have been empty words. Artwork for me has always been an escape but now that i'm looking at it and feeling like there was someone else behind all that, it's more of a battle i'm trying to win and, that's kinda exhausting haha. I'm fighting off enough bullshit in the real world, why would I wanna do that here too? That's how it started to feel even before I took a break but, I couldn't exactly pinpoint why.
And that brings me to a HUGE main point that I feel is holding me back and dragging me down, that I am CONSTANTLY thinking about anytime I touch art; the name on this damn account. When I first made this account I already felt disconnected from this username, it was kinda from another place and time in my life but. I didn't have anything better, anything else I connected with.
It kinda feels like i've been beating a dead horse for years using an account with this name. And I honestly don't know what to do about it. But at the same time, I feel like making that change would be a HUGE step away from this funk i'm in, y'know?
I truly wish I could just. Even pay someone on this damned site to just get a username change. I'm comfortable here. But at the same time, dropping it and starting a whole fresh account has gotten so much more tempting. But I don't even know how people do that. That's a scary amount of change and work to me O.o
Like. im following 1400 PEOPLE, what am i gonna do, refollow them all? YEAH I wanna keep watching them all, and that would take ages, good lord.
I'm really not sure what to do. In any event SOME sort of overhaul is needed. I dunno. I guess we can see what 2018 ends up being for me? xD
It feels as though taking a break from art to survive through school maybe gave me the opportunity to step back and look at everything in a different light. And because of that i've noticed major flaws in the way I was functioning in the art world, and because of THAT now that I have time again to get back into the scene, I feel insanely disconnected from what it/I/my art was. Like i'm trying to pick up where a different person left off.
I'm really not happy with how things had gone previously in regards to my interaction with the art world, with my art period honestly. I've been inconsistent, i've changed my art from practically piece to piece and kinda made a mess of it, I've made promised I struggled to keep, I've made promises to myself that may as well have been empty words. Artwork for me has always been an escape but now that i'm looking at it and feeling like there was someone else behind all that, it's more of a battle i'm trying to win and, that's kinda exhausting haha. I'm fighting off enough bullshit in the real world, why would I wanna do that here too? That's how it started to feel even before I took a break but, I couldn't exactly pinpoint why.
And that brings me to a HUGE main point that I feel is holding me back and dragging me down, that I am CONSTANTLY thinking about anytime I touch art; the name on this damn account. When I first made this account I already felt disconnected from this username, it was kinda from another place and time in my life but. I didn't have anything better, anything else I connected with.
It kinda feels like i've been beating a dead horse for years using an account with this name. And I honestly don't know what to do about it. But at the same time, I feel like making that change would be a HUGE step away from this funk i'm in, y'know?
I truly wish I could just. Even pay someone on this damned site to just get a username change. I'm comfortable here. But at the same time, dropping it and starting a whole fresh account has gotten so much more tempting. But I don't even know how people do that. That's a scary amount of change and work to me O.o
Like. im following 1400 PEOPLE, what am i gonna do, refollow them all? YEAH I wanna keep watching them all, and that would take ages, good lord.
I'm really not sure what to do. In any event SOME sort of overhaul is needed. I dunno. I guess we can see what 2018 ends up being for me? xD
Ah well, let`s see where you go from here.