As the end of the year draws near, I look back upon it fondly.

I am no stranger to struggling, I do not come from a wealthy or even middle class family. I come from a poor black family that loves me more than life. I come from an abused past where I lost my innocence. I come from two worlds at war over the color of their skin. This year, all of that came to a head. Sure the fallout happened a long time ago, I felt the wrath of my poor choices come back to bite me in the ass, but this year, I put them to bed. This year I became more than I was. I learned to love others the way stories always told us, I learned to be compassionate, I learned to admit my mistakes and be a better woman tomorrow. I learned to feel the humanity of others around me and know their hearts are not unlike my own. Things push us apart, they teach us to be selfish and inauthentic, they teach us to covet and vie for a place among our own. We learn to be insecure, we learn to be cruel, we learn to push down those around us. This is because, if we love one another, we can not be controlled. We operate under the idea that if we are our true selves we will lose favor, this year I learned that I had so many things that are more valuable than approval. I do not fear anymore, I have nothing to fear. I let go of shame, shame pushed upon me by others who damned me for my skin, my beliefs, my gender, my interests, and any other reason they could invent. I am not ashamed of the times I have lost, the times I have faltered, the times I have made the wrong choice, shame never solved my problems - being strong in who I am did. Who am I? I'm Reshay, I'm not the smartest, the richest, the most talented, I am the lover of a wonderful man, the mother of my community, an artist, a teacher, a listener, a guide, a child's spirit that survived. Through loving others I learned who I am and through holding them higher I found the strength to look honestly at the most wounded parts of myself and mend them. I can not help anyone when I am broken. There will always be more struggles, more times when I need to learn, when I need to listen, when I need to be willing to admit to myself that I have done wrong. I will have to be accountable time and time again and I am sure I will make more mistakes along the way.

I said 2017 would be my year, I would find myself, I would find my way, and I have. In the midst of all the chaos going on out there, I have found peace.

Happy Holidays, be well, I will see you in the new year.