You can fuck xmas, but don't fuck your life *hugs?*

19th's gotta be better for all. Just hold on.

Eh well I was at a very low point last year. It's gone downhill from there to a point where I was actually pretty close to "fucking my life" but thankfully with therapy and medication I'm in a much better place now. Of course I have since outed myself as trans so we'll see how that'll affect my mental illnesses. All in all 2019 just doesn't have much wiggle room to be worse than the last few years for me...

18th was a rock bottom for most of peeps around.

Trust me, i don't usually get all that bright about things, but this time it's like a different feeling~or_somewhat.

Well it would be nice. If everything goes well I should be able to start HRT sometime next year and that would definitely make it a far better year. That's not up to me though, so I can only hope. At least I'll start the next year in a far better state than this year.

Nothing is up to us, except worthless stuff.

It's like we're prisoners of our faith - all we have to do is to take what's coming our way. But every, even most brutal session has it's limit, and the most cruel faith has mood to let us out of the restraints.


Be strong. We may be apart in the world, but we share the inner energy, the sourse that keeps our heads up.

This round she'll drop the chains.

I'll drink to that!

But no alcohol though because that doesn't go well with psychopharmaka ^^"

Alcohol doesn't go well with anything (so as smokes and... few other brain affecting things)

Yknow? I might be jumping to conclusions, but this could be the start of a nice friendship. *pepsi can "k-tsk!"*

Eh I'm just used to having an extremely high tolerance for alcohol, whereas now I start feeling drunk after like one beer. I've never been a heavy drinker but it's still kind of annoying.

Also pepsi is ok but for some reason I only like the taste of pepsi light XD

:Sugarfree", ei? *veeeery suspocious look*



Naw, there's definately something about you, that i wanna know closer. :3

Well I'm trying to lose weight but I don't have the willpower to give up softdrinks completely ^^"

And be careful what you wish for, if you know more about me you might want to know less :P

Nawww ye'r tawkin'!


Humor aside tho, drinks aren't much gain in weight - it's more of a fact that they appetize you. (Each can got a hamburger at a string ) - that's the main problem, one need to control.

Btw, is it that bad? I mean it wount hurt you to have few extra kgs. I mean, i'm at 92 (which is 7 over my "theoretical" weight) and i'm still bleedin sexiness around (no smug attached, more of an attitude example)

Eh alcohol has a ton of calories and it also slows down the process of burning fat so it's double ungood. Thankfully one of the side effects of my meds is decreased appetite which really helps. I've always been overweight and somehow never really developed a "normal" sense of hunger... And yes, it is that bad. In the year after my breakup I gained ~30 kgs and I was already a bit obese before. 130kg is definitely outside of the healthy range. Somehow with all the stress and mental health problems this year I actually managed to lose 20kgs but there's still enough to get rid of. And especially with coming out as trans and (hopefully) starting transitioning next year I kind of want to improve my body. Also I kind of want to know just how it feels to not be fat for once

Forget alco, by "drinks" i mean sodas etc - sweet stuff. It doesn't hit so much, as food that goes with it... more specificaly, food which is sodas are tasteless without.

Also... it may sound crazy, but there's a thinn border between "overeating" and "hunger", which one should keep intact. I'm not gonna run that analysis-like stuff on you, (you prolly had enough of that), i just wanna say that hunger makes calories spare in body. So if you don't overeat - that's nice. If you limit yourself below the needed - you gain.


- -

Breakups are different storys tho It's triple-tuff to watch health, when you don't see any use for it. (again, looking at myself, i find it difficult to go 10 meters from house, without a company)
Can't really give you any hints on that-one, cause if i knew the way, i'd prolly been somewhee else.
All i can do at this point, is to say that i partly know, how much strain it is to wakeup "back in this existence".

- - -


Also, i wanted to say that it's not such thing as body type that makes you a friend, and definately not the bodytype makes you loved. I know it's a line of senseless text, but there's no especial priviledge, when you're fit, and even handsome.

It's fine to have a goal on own health, but i'd recommend you not to make it as a plank. That way you might have less stress, trying to settle lower record. And less stress gives you more room to take a sprint ~or_something.

- - - -

You'll get your progress, just don't quit liking yourself. I belive that you've got the guts to make your own way out.

I just thought closely... 15 kgs is double than 7, but it's also 5 less than 20 (which you have already lost), i know it's gradual, but you're not so far from your plank.

*here i wish i knew instant hint on "how to switch your mind off the worries", but no luck yet*

You'll definately hit your goal next year.

What I meant is that I never really felt "full" when eating. As long as there was food I kept eating. I still have that often, but I'm a bit better at consciously stopping myself even though I still feel hungry.

I also try to "stress-eat" less. That's what got me after the breakup, and I still can't stop myself sometimes but I've also gotten a bit better at controlling myself there. Small steps I guess...

Yeah that breakup did a number on me. It was my first (and so far only) relationship and I was very happy with it and it hit me quite badly to get dumped, especially as I was already battling with depression at that time. Tbh even now, 3 years later, I'm still not quite over it :|

I don't really care about other peoples view of my body. I've met quite a few people who actually told me they found me quite handsome, so if that was all I cared about I wouldn't need to change it. It's more that A) I've always hated my body. Of course being trans is one reason for that, but I've also always hated being fat. I've just never managed to change it... and B) I've been told by several doctors that I really should lose weight because I'm at a level that's going to be unhealthy if it doesn't go down.

As for the last part: I can't "quit liking myself" as I've never started. I know, also from therapy, that that's not good and I'm trying to at least accept myself, but so far I'm still at "I really can't stand myself, mentally and physically".

NB: The fa comment system really isn't a good chat, maybe we should move this to something like Telegram?

Yeh, you right, that new year's wish gone quite a route to the vault *blush*

I have only whattsapp and gmail. Not so much social person, i guess)) PM me if you want any of those contacts.


Still, i see where you coming from, and i think you're doing way better than most of people in similar situations. (not that you're better off, more like you make more effort)