So a few people know that this past weekend for me has been very....challenging, to say the least. I've been at the lowest I've ever been in a long time, and it has left me with a need to do some introspection.

I've been in the fandom for 14 years now, which stemmed from an introductory course on vore, Over this time I've known a LOT of people, ranging from relationships that didn't pan out, to the very few long/current relationships like the one with . I've met a lot of people through various means, and a few people through hir, one of which I was afraid I had destroyed my friendship with. Thankfully that was not the case, but the whole situation made me realize I once again stuck my nose way too deep into the online world. This has resulted in being unable to detach myself from what others were doing.

Obviously I've never been one to really enjoy fatal and/or unwilling vore. Digestion/absorption were a bit of a grey area, but as long as reformation was always a thing, I would not mind. Permavore has caused issues with this, the whole concept of profile play and pushing the results of an RP on other people whether they like it or not is never a cool thing. I've since seen the results of people getting to vote on whether something was permavore or not, and that is what broke me.

I realize that I've let this affect my mental health way too much, and so I'm going to try and remove myself from things a bit. If I see instances of profile play or things like temp/permavore, I most likely will doing some blocking so I don't have to see it. I mean, that's what block and mute functions are for after all.

I guess I'm just rambling at this point, but I feel as though my brain has just been put in a blender and left a pulpy mess. I may be taking a break from f-list, and am definitely going to either avoid twitter, or unfollow a large number of accounts that may contain stuff that could re-trigger me.

So yeah, if you read all of this, congrats. I fucked myself up in the head, saw things that upset me, and blew them out of proportion, and got so bent out of shape that I scared myself into believing I was going to lose a friend because of a misunderstanding.

Anyway, Happy New Year and such, hopefully 2018 will finally be the year that I can fucking figure myself out!