this past week on wednesday (july 22) i get a call from the mother of my first boyfriend, Ryan! i was currently at this conference w/ my church friends and i was at Daytona Beach in Flordia. now previously, for the past year, Ryan has been having brain cancer and tumors!! they would keep coming and going for a while. so when they found a new one, they assumed tht it would be just as easy to beat as the other ones had been!! but one day, after the first treatment, the tumor had consumed a large portion of his brain!! and if they were to operate and try to remove tht big of a tumor in tht area of the brain, there would be a HUGE, and mostlikely possibility tht it could cause permanent brain damage. or he could become brain dead!! his mom told me about this latest development because he didn't want to tell me about what was happening!! she told me tht the doctors said tht, at the most, he only has 1 month left to live, until the tumor consumes and shuts down his brain!! when i heard this, it nearly tore me apart!! he was my first love, and tht is something tht you never TRUELY get over!! there will ALWAYS be a part of me tht left w/ him when he moved away!! and now to hear tht my first love, and one of my best friends will DIE....i dont kno what i'll do w/o him in my life!! this is something tht i originally wasnt going to post up online cuz i didn't want the pity, but now im asking tht if you guys could just, maybe pray tht GOD will give him some kind of miracle!!

i honestly dont kno what i would do w/o him in my life!! he helped me come out of the closet to my friends, and he was there, as well as my BF for LIFE Jaga  furredfem, when i camer out to my mother!! if he was no longer among the living, i would be missing a piece of myself!! in some way, i will ALWAYS love him!! he will always be apart of me!! and i cant lose tht!!