… especially when you don't even know why it's broken, or what tools you need to fix it. This past month and a half has taught me that I have a lot of problems going on in my head and I need to see about doing something to try and fix them. I've probably annoyed a few people close to me despite how much they've helped me. All because I'm bothered by the fact that a lot people enjoy fatal stuff in vore. I want to clarify that it's not something I don't think people should do, because I know a lot of people like a lot of different things and it isn't something for me to judge. For some reason I just can't make the disconnect that the characters involved are fictional characters and that the scenarios being portrayed are for the enjoyment of the players. I don't know if it's a bad thing or not but the concept of death seems to have affected me much more deeply than I thought, to the point that seeing it in a fictional setting brings me discomfort because it's a real life concept being brought into fantasy.

I've unfollowed multiple artists because of these problems in my head. Morca and Kalnareff, to name a couple. I used to love their artwork so much, and now I just cannot enjoy it. It isn't anything that they directly did to me and it isn't anything specific that they did. It's my perception of their art and my perception of what's being portrayed that is causing me to not be able to enjoy it.

I do know that one reason people do it is to help with the concept of death and better be able to handle the emotions about it, while others engage in such activity to help make those emotions less of a burden. It very much is a deep and trusting relationship being established between the people involved in such a scenario, and yet for some reason I get bothered by it, especially when it's something involving a character of someone that I know.

There really isn't much of a point to this journal, it mostly was something for me to just spew some thoughts that have been on my mind for the past couple of weeks. Tell anyone that I have annoyed with how consistently I bring the sort of stuff up, I'm very sorry that I've been a burden. I want 2018 to be a year of improvement for myself, and while I am trying, it does feel like I'm just sitting in the same spot spinning my wheels instead of moving forward.

Hopefully I can figure out something soon before I start to actually become sick from over thinking about this stuff.