i'm to the point where i want to forget i ever joined deviantART, want to forget i ever joined FurAffinity... I want to forget everything... a brainless selfish asshole suggested I quit the internet and not life... i just plan on doing that. there has been a bunch of times i wish i wasn't so much of a dictator and an asshole and be different... perhaps that's why i look up to people too much and get burned... whether you're just a friend or a watcher, your silence or ignoring me pains me to no end, it's been making FurAffinity more like a depressant to me... and being consumed in anger, hurt, wrath, envy and struggles with weight loss and after I've pushed a million friends away for being an asshole... i don't understand why i'm drawing or posting journals anymore... especially when you guys will never understand... i waste seconds of my life i wish i can take back by drawing and posting journals... feeling like i'm never a friend to anybody yet it baffles me why some of you people can be so stupid into thinking we will always be friends or try to get me back as a friend, like what's the point?! I'm no different than the assholes you had to block! I've had ambitions... to be an author, an artist, a pianist but i now believe i'm hopeless to get to do any of those things... i even don't think God loves me... I never understood why i was even born, sometimes i wish i wasn't... it's why i hate my own birthday and why i feel ashamed of myself when i get gift art because honestly i'm not deserving of any and don't want anything in return... for some friends, i wish you never thought differently of me... i wish you can see how i'm unlikable and most avoided... my time on FA is almost up... in fact, my time is up... I quit... i give up... you guys give up on me... i don't want to draw anymore... i don't plan on picking up my drawing tablet... i'm now planning to live the most boring life ever by just being an office assistant and try to hide my depression so my family doesn't know the secret life i have on here... eventually i have to let all of this go... i'll never be successful... i don't have faith i'll ever be happy again... even because of my attention-whoring, all i got in response was having a no-good, soulless, cancerous and lowlife douchebag asshole stalker insulting me and ridiculing me on tumblr. This stalker also watches me on FA from what I understand and to be honest, i have moments where i wish he would kill himself... and i shouldn't be thinking of that... you guys can't prevent my end, not everyone will fulfill their dreams and i'll just be that statistic... ill be alright, i'm 24 and i don't wish to live to see me turn 25... i wish i never was an asshole and if i could, i would've done it all differently... i'm sorry to my enemies for being the biggest mistake of a friend or fan you've met... i submitted a trouble ticket to FA in request they ban me from FA, we'll have to see how they react...