The last week or two I have been so... gone mentally. Why? I dunno. Days crawl by slowly, getting through them is hard. My sleep is all backwards, some days I'm sleeping 3 hours, others I'm sleeping in until 1 pm. My depression kicked in, Apathy started strangling the very enjoyment out of my day to day life. Before I realize it, it would be 9 pm and id just have done nothing more than stare at my computer slowly scrolling through FA or Facebook all day, accomplishing nothing and having not an ounce of fun in the process. I have almost no one to talk to throughout my day, and those I do talk to, it's usually just short conversations over telegram and then things dwindle off after a few minutes.

The only days I feel good are when I get to spend the day with Lockwood and we play games together and talk. I finally feel relaxed and like I can enjoy myself and I start to work on things during the day while we play 7dtd and I get some work accomplished but other than those days.. I accomplish almost nothing. And only working here and there between in-game days on his day off is not getting me far doing fucking anything, let's be real.

Today, I heard about the death of Kayla-la (Rest in peace angel, You will be missed by this community more than you probably ever realized). She was the owner of the Artist Beware forum. I started scrolling through there and realized that if I didn't pick my ass up and quit wasting away my days, I was gonna turn into some of these artists. I may not ignore my customers, and any of you who have commissioned me should know by now if you have any questions all you need to do is message me and talk to me. I do not ignore any message from you guys! But, I have dwindled away from my Queue again. I have three things left on the main queue. THREE! But, instead I started to dally and doodle personal things and doodle freebies and do some cheap-o stickers and that, that is far from okay.

It does not matter that the people left in Queue are really close friends I talk to every day, I promised them something and I am damn well going to finish it, damnit.

Its time to get my fucking ass in gear, I am so tired of this bullshit with not being able to focus and being so out of it and having no enjoyment from the things I LOVE. Ugh. It fucking sucks. I'm picking my ass up and working on my queue tonight even if it kills me. Maybe I need to see a doctor..

-Shay