After reaching one of the highest amount of happiness in my own life, it is only natural that the fall is hard. Maybe it is some curse, to not be able to be happy with what I have, only seeing what I'd like to possess. At least I realize how precious some people can be, and how it hurts to know I disappointed them when they tried to help.

Now I feel just pathetic, complaining and whining about my problems without even trying to fix things. Maybe I'm just good at giving things up... Sorry, but I'm not someone special, and I don't have the strength to go on. I'm just a selfish person trying to get a little piece of freedom. I found a piece of paradise, and yet can't be happy enough with it. I don't deserve the love some people give me, and I don't even know how to thank them for everything. All I do is complaining about everything, but that's all I know to do, and I don't know how to change this. I'm scared, and angry, and sad, and I'm an idiot for refusing others help.

I'll try to go on and stay strong.

And yet I keep falling, and I keep losing what's precious to me. Now I know how it feels to be hurt by feelings, I just hope I can fix my mistakes... And if I can't, maybe won't I be able to move on this time. Maybe, just maybe, will I be able to have a heart for once...