FA+
Shop
ReBlue Rants: Joshua and the Promise Land
7 years ago
Almost stays true to the bible story that is based on, but by golly, this looks poor!
Welcome to ReBlue Rants! Today, let's talk about christian animation all done by one guy: Jim Lion. He took him 4 years to do that. Presenting 'Joshua and the Promise Land'!
Anyway, this film is very infamous for poor and atrocious animation (heck, Pixar can do it better!), disgusting character designs and models, illegally borrowed music, and bland voicing. Also, while it almost stays true to the story, Jim decided to pee the story and do this nakey nakey film. The reason why I said 'Nakey' is because the characters are so dang NAKED! Anyway...lets start reviewing this disgraceful of a bible story now and stop making this introduction long.
Like I said, the characters are goshdang naked! Whenever they sometimes turn around, you can see their bulges (a.k.a. their crotch) and sometimes their buttholes. I hope they will have the ability to fart soon...anyways, the animation is extremely atrocious. The reason is simple: there are alot of times whenever the characters sit down, you can see that the model actually clips through itself. No, not just the other objects, but it will clip though ITSELF. You can see it technically on their armpits and lower abdomens. Next, the music and sounds is illegally borrowed from various sources and games. Also, Jim has the notorious desicion to use the sound whenever you start up '3D Space Cadet Pinball'. I mean, seriously! Also, I need to find that music he used on the scenes while Joshua is talking to the guardian angel on the fire, and on Joshua's bed when he sits wandering on something.
Anyway, continuing on, the voicing is just a kid named Jonathan Dauermann voicing the title character and some adults who haven't done voice acting before. The examples of the dumb dialouge is Joshua's. Examples are...
1. 'It's okay, I forgive you!'
2. 'All right Everybody! Uh...let beat these guys!'
3. 'Uuh nooo problem your evidence!'
4. 'Yes sir moses...'
...and who can forget Joshua's dad being a mean old drunk saying to Joshua's mom 'This is my day off this is what I'm gonna do!'. The dialouge in here is brainlessly written and offers little to no references to the story, and it stinks. Lastly, this film pees on the bible and the book of Joshua into pieces. I mean seriously, this book has LOTS of good stories and the aforementioned book remained the best of the bible batch! But to mess it up real badly, churn out poor animation and disgusting naked animals and you got yourself a stinkingly sickening and clumsy adaptation of an already existing bible masterpiece.
All in all, this is one of the most poor adaptations of the bible story and considered to be the worst films ever maded...until Foodfight showed up and tooked that slice of delicious cake for being the worst film. Poor animation, poor voicing, lack of effort and direction. I recommend you watch the VeggieTales version. They nailed that story by adding lots of comedic elements such as falling slushies and...
'...because we're going to the Promise land!'
RATING:
0.0/10 (Trashterpiece)
CONS:
1. Poor animation.
2. Poor voicing.
3. No effort.
4. Lack of direction.
5. Insults the bible story that it's based.
6. Disgusting character designs.
7. Illegally borrowed music.
© Asael Polanco
Welcome to ReBlue Rants! Today, let's talk about christian animation all done by one guy: Jim Lion. He took him 4 years to do that. Presenting 'Joshua and the Promise Land'!
Anyway, this film is very infamous for poor and atrocious animation (heck, Pixar can do it better!), disgusting character designs and models, illegally borrowed music, and bland voicing. Also, while it almost stays true to the story, Jim decided to pee the story and do this nakey nakey film. The reason why I said 'Nakey' is because the characters are so dang NAKED! Anyway...lets start reviewing this disgraceful of a bible story now and stop making this introduction long.
NEGATIVESLike I said, the characters are goshdang naked! Whenever they sometimes turn around, you can see their bulges (a.k.a. their crotch) and sometimes their buttholes. I hope they will have the ability to fart soon...anyways, the animation is extremely atrocious. The reason is simple: there are alot of times whenever the characters sit down, you can see that the model actually clips through itself. No, not just the other objects, but it will clip though ITSELF. You can see it technically on their armpits and lower abdomens. Next, the music and sounds is illegally borrowed from various sources and games. Also, Jim has the notorious desicion to use the sound whenever you start up '3D Space Cadet Pinball'. I mean, seriously! Also, I need to find that music he used on the scenes while Joshua is talking to the guardian angel on the fire, and on Joshua's bed when he sits wandering on something.
Anyway, continuing on, the voicing is just a kid named Jonathan Dauermann voicing the title character and some adults who haven't done voice acting before. The examples of the dumb dialouge is Joshua's. Examples are...
1. 'It's okay, I forgive you!'
2. 'All right Everybody! Uh...let beat these guys!'
3. 'Uuh nooo problem your evidence!'
4. 'Yes sir moses...'
...and who can forget Joshua's dad being a mean old drunk saying to Joshua's mom 'This is my day off this is what I'm gonna do!'. The dialouge in here is brainlessly written and offers little to no references to the story, and it stinks. Lastly, this film pees on the bible and the book of Joshua into pieces. I mean seriously, this book has LOTS of good stories and the aforementioned book remained the best of the bible batch! But to mess it up real badly, churn out poor animation and disgusting naked animals and you got yourself a stinkingly sickening and clumsy adaptation of an already existing bible masterpiece.
All in all, this is one of the most poor adaptations of the bible story and considered to be the worst films ever maded...until Foodfight showed up and tooked that slice of delicious cake for being the worst film. Poor animation, poor voicing, lack of effort and direction. I recommend you watch the VeggieTales version. They nailed that story by adding lots of comedic elements such as falling slushies and...
'...because we're going to the Promise land!'
RATING:
0.0/10 (Trashterpiece)
CONS:
1. Poor animation.
2. Poor voicing.
3. No effort.
4. Lack of direction.
5. Insults the bible story that it's based.
6. Disgusting character designs.
7. Illegally borrowed music.
© Asael Polanco
