I realise now that as said above im not in the circle. And for awhile i tried to be but its obviously not my place. So im not ganna try any more its obviously who i am and how its ment to be. In the grand scheme of things im an extra in a tv show like Larry the lobster in spongebob.

We all know of the character larry he often appears in episodes sometimes with dialogue and once in a while hes even a main part of an episode or two but he's not part of the main cast hes just there. And that is essentially me.

I realize this now and just accept it i guess. My lack of being around latley isnt really noticed so just adds to the "extra" anology.
Im not ganna worry about it anymore its not worth trying to be part of somehing im not meant to be part of. Trying to be someone im obvioisly not.