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Sometimes I wonder....
7 years ago
(Side note, it;s been at least 2 years since I last checked in lol, how's it going?)
....If I even enjoy drawing or making art anymore. I honestly am seldom excited to get started. That could be because I just don't have energy most days or because other obligations and such get in the way. I used to have all this motivation but now it's just not there. Sometimes, I feel like "hey, I should draw today," and then later, when I come home, I just feel a whole lot better when I don't do it. I mean, I guess I should have expected this to end up this way. I started doing art when I was 11. I did it because I was jealous of other artists' s skills and I wanted to make something amazing like they did. I pushed myself to learn how to draw and I did learn after teaching myself and asking other artists for tips. I thought I was going to go into graphic design, but eventually changed my mind and went into engineering because the art skill was never there naturally. I had to teach it to myself to get there. I never started doing art because I loved it. I did it because I wanted to see myself get better. I wanted to make something I was proud of and I needed an emotion outlet (my adolescence was filled with depression).
Now, I'm ending my third year of college. By 2019 I'll have my Bachelor's degree in Materials Science and Engineering and then later I'll have a career in that field. Maybe art (as in being a content creator) has no place in my life anymore. Maybe this whole art thing truly was just a phase. I'm not sure. When I do art stuff now, I feel the best when it's at the finished stage because I don't have anymore things to work on for that specific piece. And now, I have my mental illness under control (for the most part) and there isn't such a need for the emotional release. Maybe art was just a support system for me.
I don't regret becoming an artist at all. I learned a lot about art itself, digital media, character design and, most of all, I learned a lot about myself. But, part of me doesn't want to stop this either. Part of me doesn't want to leave this part of me behind, the me that existed before the pressure to get into a career, before the relationship abuse, back into a time where I was fresh and excited in the furry fandom and where I was learning all I could about art. Maybe that's just me wishing for youth back though.
Anyway, not sure if anyone actually reads my journals or even looks at my stuff because I kinda just fell off the face of the Earth for a while and I'm sure people just stopped caring. Which is fine by me. Now I just like sites for being able to hold all my art work so I can show people what I used to do.
....If I even enjoy drawing or making art anymore. I honestly am seldom excited to get started. That could be because I just don't have energy most days or because other obligations and such get in the way. I used to have all this motivation but now it's just not there. Sometimes, I feel like "hey, I should draw today," and then later, when I come home, I just feel a whole lot better when I don't do it. I mean, I guess I should have expected this to end up this way. I started doing art when I was 11. I did it because I was jealous of other artists' s skills and I wanted to make something amazing like they did. I pushed myself to learn how to draw and I did learn after teaching myself and asking other artists for tips. I thought I was going to go into graphic design, but eventually changed my mind and went into engineering because the art skill was never there naturally. I had to teach it to myself to get there. I never started doing art because I loved it. I did it because I wanted to see myself get better. I wanted to make something I was proud of and I needed an emotion outlet (my adolescence was filled with depression).
Now, I'm ending my third year of college. By 2019 I'll have my Bachelor's degree in Materials Science and Engineering and then later I'll have a career in that field. Maybe art (as in being a content creator) has no place in my life anymore. Maybe this whole art thing truly was just a phase. I'm not sure. When I do art stuff now, I feel the best when it's at the finished stage because I don't have anymore things to work on for that specific piece. And now, I have my mental illness under control (for the most part) and there isn't such a need for the emotional release. Maybe art was just a support system for me.
I don't regret becoming an artist at all. I learned a lot about art itself, digital media, character design and, most of all, I learned a lot about myself. But, part of me doesn't want to stop this either. Part of me doesn't want to leave this part of me behind, the me that existed before the pressure to get into a career, before the relationship abuse, back into a time where I was fresh and excited in the furry fandom and where I was learning all I could about art. Maybe that's just me wishing for youth back though.
Anyway, not sure if anyone actually reads my journals or even looks at my stuff because I kinda just fell off the face of the Earth for a while and I'm sure people just stopped caring. Which is fine by me. Now I just like sites for being able to hold all my art work so I can show people what I used to do.
