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7 years ago
General
Growl Grr Grr
How does someone prepare for the loss of someone that they grew up with.
My mother, Pat, died on Friday morning. She was making small improvements day by day in hospital. But, then the strain got too much. Mum took ill so suddenly, that's what makes it so hard.
She just got out of hospital the previous Friday. But, took a turn for the worse at home the following Saturday. she was bundled off to ICU that night.
When I got home after my first visit to see Mum in ICU
I opened the door, and said in a clear voice "Hi mum, I'm home", as I normally do.
I then went down into the kitchen, and said "I'm home".
I kept saying"I'm home" louder, and louder, till I collapsed to the floor crying.
And quietly saying " I'm home" in between the crying.
Then in my mind I hear her say "I know"
I say good morning, and good night to her.
This town house is so empty with out her. I have lived with her for my life so far.
There are things that I have regret saying. And, there are things that I regret not saying.
I dwell in sorrow
Years ago i promised to take care of my mum. And i tried to, at the expense of myself.
In the end my efforts were not enough... i failed her.
I now have no purpose.
I ask myself what else is there?
My mother, Pat, died on Friday morning. She was making small improvements day by day in hospital. But, then the strain got too much. Mum took ill so suddenly, that's what makes it so hard.
She just got out of hospital the previous Friday. But, took a turn for the worse at home the following Saturday. she was bundled off to ICU that night.
When I got home after my first visit to see Mum in ICU
I opened the door, and said in a clear voice "Hi mum, I'm home", as I normally do.
I then went down into the kitchen, and said "I'm home".
I kept saying"I'm home" louder, and louder, till I collapsed to the floor crying.
And quietly saying " I'm home" in between the crying.
Then in my mind I hear her say "I know"
I say good morning, and good night to her.
This town house is so empty with out her. I have lived with her for my life so far.
There are things that I have regret saying. And, there are things that I regret not saying.
I dwell in sorrow
Years ago i promised to take care of my mum. And i tried to, at the expense of myself.
In the end my efforts were not enough... i failed her.
I now have no purpose.
I ask myself what else is there?
ilovecritique
warrigal
I really don't think that you have failed your mother. You took care of her. You sacrificed for her. You did all that you could, so take heart in that. It's not over just yet, though: there's legal things that I suspect you will need to take care of.
As for purpose, ask yourself this: if your mother wasn't ill and you needed to look after her, what would she have wanted you to do? And if you can't answer that, then ask yourself this: What do I want to do? That's the road to finding one's purpose; but, don't worry too much if you don't find it for quite some time. The journey is just as important as the destination.