I keep having small silent bursts of panic, desperately trying to comprehend ceasing to exist. I mean if there an afterlife whoopty doo, but there is a very fair chance that nothing happens when we die and the only way I can comprehend that is like a dreamless sleep, similar to being put under for surgery or something, but that's not a guarantee, the concept of nothingness or becoming thoughtless torments me in many ways, namely what is the point of all of my struggles or aspirations? And is it as base and bland as "just enjoy life"? And what if the opposite is true? What if we are fully aware that we are dead with a constant backdrop of blackness left with only the thoughts of what we were. This seems less likely but again who's to say? as an agnostic I feel as though religion or the possibility of a higher power is just wishful thinking on my part, a way to cope with the unknowns and finality of death. It's really depressing and gets worse the older I get.