I am one of them.

Why? Perhaps people consider it a stupid reason but the truth is that I just can't do it anymore, not like this.

My heart goes to those that can really overcome their fears and their complexes but it's been a long fight for me. I dedicated years to try looking off the distance and see a bright road ahead but perhaps the only roads that were worth taking were when I wasn't alone. I am sure most of you are tired of hearing depressing rants and it's not even been long since I wrote a journal about it.

To speak more clearly, without beating about the bush, I always am quite disappointed about the way I have been treated in my family and how it turned out to be so unhealthy for me. I really, really want to smile, be the fun guy that is locked up in a cage deep inside me again. Perhaps due to the standards of beauty I have developed this huge complex.

I am not talking about weight, I am talking about an issue that has always been tormenting me; my teeth.

I know, it's something that can be fixed but you need a lot of money for it and it really just gets worse and worse for me. I lost today another tooth, as simple as it just falling out for whatever reason, and I am so frustrated and depressed about it I am starting to seclude myself again. This is the first thing I want to fix but it keeps digging my grave every day and I fear that someday I will not be able to get out.

Please, don't tell me it's fine and that everyone has missing teeth or what not. This is my biggest complex and just words are not going to get me over that.

I started taking care of my teeth really late, when I was conscious of it because I had to go to the dentist for really big issues and pay for it myself. My parents never took me to a dentist when I was young. Not even once. And they never told me to brush my teeth either. So imagine now the damage done.

In my desperation, I have gone to several places that promised helping you with your teeth for cheap. Turned out that these places just were a scam or they had no experience with most issues and made things worse. For example; instead of killing a nerve, all they did was dig in the tooth so deep that ended up causing it to destroy itself. That was just one of them. So now, my mouth seems like a minefield with plenty of holes.

It gets worse when in a lot of the job interviews you are required to have a good presence and of course my teeth don't help. Besides, it ruined my confidence in so many levels that now I just don't even try. I am conscious this is starting to become a really serious matter but I have no idea what to even do.

I'm so upset that I feel like quitting.