i really don't even know, my past failures at finding love should've taught me by now that i'm not ever going to be anything but lonely for the rest of my life

here's the score, last night i was talking to  sexycatyiffy and her mate  snowwy and my friend  bootstrap in a conference on YIM.

 sexycatyiffy &  snowwy started to get a little frisky and affectionate, and i started to get uncomfortable because truth be told, i love  sexycatyiffy and missed my chance to be with her when she spilt with one of her previous mates.

So i was uncomfy, and rather than leave and deal with it on my own, i drew attention to the fact that somewthing was bothering me. When  snowwy left later,  sexycatyiffy asked me what was wrong. I didn't hold back, i told her the whole truth, that i loved her with all my heart, and wanted to be with her.

Of course that led to a whole bunch of stuff, and people being depressed. The constant message i kept getting from  sexycatyiffy was "you're sweet, and i would've dated you, but you missed the chance to say something, and i'm mated now, i;m sorry..." that was pretty much what i got most of the time

I pretty much hate myself now, because i upset  sexycatyiffy and made a scene and made an ass of myself.

I know i should've just said screw it, and not let it get to me, or as i said, go off and be alone, get better and come back. But as per the course of events lately, nothing has been going right for me, and wooo!,  sexycatyiffy is extremely upset because of me! -end sarcasm-

so i don't even know why i bothered to fall in love with her in the first place....all the signs were there that I should turn around and not even consider it, but lo and behold, i've dug myself into another septic tank and am drowing in shit. fun part is, it's my own septic tank of shit, go figure?

if you're going to say anything mena or hurtful, don't bother posting, i already know i'm an ass, jrk, or whatever, and that i handled everything wrong

so please, just keep stuff like that to yourself, i feel bad enough as is