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hiatus
7 years ago
General
i can't focus solely on making art anymore.
it was a good run, having the time and energy to pour into the hobby, the study, etc. but i can't do it anymore. not right now.
i recently got caught in a rut that threw me through such a violent emotional loop that now i'm often wondering if i'm even sane anymore. maybe i've drowned myself for so long that i haven't breathed real oxygen in what feels like forever.
i haven't felt like that for a long, long time. it's not like me at all. i felt like not a single night went by without having some form of panic attack, or questioning whether i could trust the people i was putting around me, or losing my grip on what was real or just in my head. my overall emotional state has suffered a blow that probably won't completely go away for my whole life. i wish it could be different, but i can't pretend any more.
art has helped me more than i can describe. it provided me with an escape. a way to cope. a way to come to terms with myself, without the future being a certainty, even if the present wasn't that great. but i engrossed myself so deep in my own pit that i lost sight of what the current situation was. i lost sight of myself.
i feel like i'd found a semblance of happiness in the wrong places.
i need to focus on my personal life, moving forward. i flunked high school. it wasn't academic, it was health-related, and i realize now that if i ever want to get a footing i need to pour effort into seeking education and self improvement. i can't sit on it any more. i need to move.
thank you to everybody who has followed me and stuck with me even through the various rough patches.
thank you to everybody who enjoys my art. i'm not putting art down for good, in fact i'm heavily anticipating picking it back up. i may upload in spurts like i have been once in a blue moon, but i can't rely on it like i have been any more.
i feel lucky to be surrounded with the support that i have been from so many different angles, it's nothing short of a blessing. and i look forward to being of service to a bright future for myself. if nothing else, i will take control of my life, that much is certain.
until next time.
it was a good run, having the time and energy to pour into the hobby, the study, etc. but i can't do it anymore. not right now.
i recently got caught in a rut that threw me through such a violent emotional loop that now i'm often wondering if i'm even sane anymore. maybe i've drowned myself for so long that i haven't breathed real oxygen in what feels like forever.
i haven't felt like that for a long, long time. it's not like me at all. i felt like not a single night went by without having some form of panic attack, or questioning whether i could trust the people i was putting around me, or losing my grip on what was real or just in my head. my overall emotional state has suffered a blow that probably won't completely go away for my whole life. i wish it could be different, but i can't pretend any more.
art has helped me more than i can describe. it provided me with an escape. a way to cope. a way to come to terms with myself, without the future being a certainty, even if the present wasn't that great. but i engrossed myself so deep in my own pit that i lost sight of what the current situation was. i lost sight of myself.
i feel like i'd found a semblance of happiness in the wrong places.
i need to focus on my personal life, moving forward. i flunked high school. it wasn't academic, it was health-related, and i realize now that if i ever want to get a footing i need to pour effort into seeking education and self improvement. i can't sit on it any more. i need to move.
thank you to everybody who has followed me and stuck with me even through the various rough patches.
thank you to everybody who enjoys my art. i'm not putting art down for good, in fact i'm heavily anticipating picking it back up. i may upload in spurts like i have been once in a blue moon, but i can't rely on it like i have been any more.
i feel lucky to be surrounded with the support that i have been from so many different angles, it's nothing short of a blessing. and i look forward to being of service to a bright future for myself. if nothing else, i will take control of my life, that much is certain.
until next time.
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