Life is full of unexpected things. Some of these are good. Some of them are not. It’s one of our many burdens in life to cherish the good and grow from the bad. Sometimes, that growth takes longer than we’d like.

For the past 3 weeks, I’ve been grieving for someone whom I shouldn’t have had to grieve for. At least, not for quite some time. My sister passed away a week-and-a-half ago. She was always, at least in my eyes, the strongest person in my immediate family. She was older than I by more than a decade but still far too young. She was forced to leave behind 3 young children, a loving husband, and a shocked family. To this day, I do not know what exactly lead to her death. I only know that she was here one day, in good mental and physical health. The next day, she was living off machines in the med. She passed after 2 days on the ventilator during a test. The funeral was several days later.

Part of me says that should’ve been it. The rest of me feared it wouldn’t. I still find myself breaking down emotionally when I’m alone. Everyone says that I’m “entitled to grieve” but I’ve done my grieving and I need to be strong for my family. I’m not strong enough for that, though. I know that now. I don’t know if I’m still too much of a child or if I’m overreacting. I still can’t believe she’s gone. It doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel possible. How is it that her son, nearly a decade my junior, is stronger than me? I’m sure he’s grieving and hurting. I just feel like he’s hiding it so much better than me. Maybe I just need more time.

Anyway, that’s enough moping around. I want to get back to being more active here. I want to get back in touch with those of you who reached out to me in those early days. I really want to say thank you. Thank you for watching, favoriting, commenting, all of it. I will be more active. I slowed down for the tragic event above but I know what time it is. It’s time to pick myself up, dust myself off, climb back into the saddle, and keep riding. Just like she would’ve done. I’ll never stop missing her but I can at least keep living life to the fullest for her and make sure her kids do too.