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Life sucks, but is slowly getting better.
7 years ago
What is there to say, things haven't been great. Horrible? Well never really that bad, but still, less that stelar. While I'm no longer working 12 hour days at the post office constantly, I am still working 50 hour weeks, 10 hours a day. It's a LOT better than constant 12's, that's for sure. But I'm still trying to recover from months and months of never having time to do anything because of constant 12 hour work days days with some weeks going 6 days in a row with one day off between weeks.
I can barely remeber what I used to like to do with my time. When i try and do what I always used to do (play video games, watch shows, browse the interent, or work on creative projects) I am just not satisfied. Why is that. I have a decent income, so that's good, I am moved back in with my parents, so that sucks ass, my fiancee and I are still living separately and he's been stuck with his abusive mother and sisters for a long time so that's fucking irritating and stressful, and I'm depressed cuz I struggle to find meaning day to day when the one person i always used to wanna talk to just talks about how miserable he is now and needs me to comfort him and reassure him.
Meanwhile I'm stuck dealing with months of built up depression and anxiety by myself, especially as I am still not 100% confirmed to keep this job yet as I am going through a second 90 day probation period untill the end of July and I'm just not happy with how life is in general. My daya to day existance is stable , and fuctional, but I'm not thriving in it, I'm just drowing my unhappiness and dissatisfaction in buying small nice things and trying to work towards little future goals while trying to build towards posting more self made content on my AD twitter, as I wanna meet more rubber inclined furs out there.
Lately though, I haven't used my gear that much, cuz I've been focused on finally making myself a unique fursona (scalesona) instead of cannibalising the design of one of my own OC's since I could never figure out what could possibly represent me. Idk, I want too many things at once and a lot of the things I want have a lot of work laid out in front of me to get them. Like moving into my own place that I can both afford and still live comfortably in without having to have 5 roommates. Or getting refs of my new sona (who's design I'm still mostly clueless about), or getting a fursuit, or finally going to a con, or getting new rubber gear for my AD twitter so I can repost less and have more people like what content I'm putting out instead of me making it all one sided.
I wanna be more apart of this furry thing, but I have only ever been on the fringe of it being only tangentially involved while also having been a furry since 6th grade when I was barely a teenager. God I hope things keep getting better. Regular hours and days off at work have already improved things a lot, but it remains to be seen when I'll get to bid for the job I want so I can be mostly left alone at work and won't have to deal with any of the occasionaly VERY toxic people there or the akwardly forced work friendships among the very few actual friendships there.
I can barely remeber what I used to like to do with my time. When i try and do what I always used to do (play video games, watch shows, browse the interent, or work on creative projects) I am just not satisfied. Why is that. I have a decent income, so that's good, I am moved back in with my parents, so that sucks ass, my fiancee and I are still living separately and he's been stuck with his abusive mother and sisters for a long time so that's fucking irritating and stressful, and I'm depressed cuz I struggle to find meaning day to day when the one person i always used to wanna talk to just talks about how miserable he is now and needs me to comfort him and reassure him.
Meanwhile I'm stuck dealing with months of built up depression and anxiety by myself, especially as I am still not 100% confirmed to keep this job yet as I am going through a second 90 day probation period untill the end of July and I'm just not happy with how life is in general. My daya to day existance is stable , and fuctional, but I'm not thriving in it, I'm just drowing my unhappiness and dissatisfaction in buying small nice things and trying to work towards little future goals while trying to build towards posting more self made content on my AD twitter, as I wanna meet more rubber inclined furs out there.
Lately though, I haven't used my gear that much, cuz I've been focused on finally making myself a unique fursona (scalesona) instead of cannibalising the design of one of my own OC's since I could never figure out what could possibly represent me. Idk, I want too many things at once and a lot of the things I want have a lot of work laid out in front of me to get them. Like moving into my own place that I can both afford and still live comfortably in without having to have 5 roommates. Or getting refs of my new sona (who's design I'm still mostly clueless about), or getting a fursuit, or finally going to a con, or getting new rubber gear for my AD twitter so I can repost less and have more people like what content I'm putting out instead of me making it all one sided.
I wanna be more apart of this furry thing, but I have only ever been on the fringe of it being only tangentially involved while also having been a furry since 6th grade when I was barely a teenager. God I hope things keep getting better. Regular hours and days off at work have already improved things a lot, but it remains to be seen when I'll get to bid for the job I want so I can be mostly left alone at work and won't have to deal with any of the occasionaly VERY toxic people there or the akwardly forced work friendships among the very few actual friendships there.
