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Word vomit
7 years ago
This is going to be a very stream of consciousness style of journal so if you can't keep up, I totally understand lol
So let's talk
A week ago today I got cheated on and dumped
You guys know who my ex is
He's still on here
But PLEASE do not go after him (or his girlfriend) and cause trouble
That doesn't help anyone, and it certainly doesn't help me.
Is this related, or not? Who knows
If you guys know of anyone who is in an abusive relationship, please make sure you're there for them. You most likely won't be able to talk them out of the relationship, but you need to be there for them. People in abusive relationships don't think like normal people. Normal people can sit and rack their brains for days over something someone in an abusive relationship said or did, and it will never make sense. Especially when they KNOW they're being abused. I've been there, and it's awful. There's nothing any outside party can say or do to change your mind, you just have to snap out of it on your own and hopefully it won't be too late by the time you come to your senses.
I was there for you last time, I'll be here for you this time. You'll get through this again. I'll be there to pick up the pieces. You know I'll never leave.
I love you in every possible way someone can love another human being.
This is related
If you force your significant other to cut their best friend(s) out of their life, you're fucking disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself. How insecure and immature can you be? You feel like you have to control who they talk to. That's so sad. If your love really can't compare to anyone else's, what are you afraid of?
Hmmmm.
If only you knew.
Something horribly traumatic happened to me within the week.
I won't talk about it on here. If you're a close friend you already know what's happened,
I'm still recovering.
I will likely be recovering for a very long time.
The timing of it all is very unfortunate.
But, things happen for a reason.
I wish I would have known.
I wish I could have stopped it.
I still haven't been back to work.
This is the 6th week.
I have turned back to MFC/CB (camming) for the time being so that I can pay for my incoming medical bills, as well as regular bills.
I would gladly do commissions for money instead, but people are not interested in them.
I hope to not have to do MFC/CB for long, because I hate it.
I want to go back to my job.
I'm still horribly sick.
I was put on azathioprine, which is an immunosuppressant.
The medication I was on previously, mesalamine, did not work at all and I got 2x worse within a month.
If immunosuppressants don't work, I have to bump up to IV medications which cost $10k+/dose.
I hope that doesn't happen, but who knows.
The immunosuppressant makes it so that if I get a cold, I could die.
I'll likely just be very sick for a long time, but I could die.
And that scares me.
I'm terrified.
I try and act like I'm not, but I am.
I'm so scared.
And I'm alone now.
Because my boyfriend, who was also my best friend and my world, left me.
I still love him, of course.
"But you'll always be my hero, even though you've lost your mind..."
I'm disappointed.
I'm hurt.
I'm scared.
I'm lonely.
I'm desperate.
I'm angry.
Talk about throwing a diamond away for a rock, right?
Good lord.
What were you thinking?
What were you thinking?
What
Were you
Thinking?
So let's talk
A week ago today I got cheated on and dumped
You guys know who my ex is
He's still on here
But PLEASE do not go after him (or his girlfriend) and cause trouble
That doesn't help anyone, and it certainly doesn't help me.
Is this related, or not? Who knows
If you guys know of anyone who is in an abusive relationship, please make sure you're there for them. You most likely won't be able to talk them out of the relationship, but you need to be there for them. People in abusive relationships don't think like normal people. Normal people can sit and rack their brains for days over something someone in an abusive relationship said or did, and it will never make sense. Especially when they KNOW they're being abused. I've been there, and it's awful. There's nothing any outside party can say or do to change your mind, you just have to snap out of it on your own and hopefully it won't be too late by the time you come to your senses.
I was there for you last time, I'll be here for you this time. You'll get through this again. I'll be there to pick up the pieces. You know I'll never leave.
I love you in every possible way someone can love another human being.
This is related
If you force your significant other to cut their best friend(s) out of their life, you're fucking disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself. How insecure and immature can you be? You feel like you have to control who they talk to. That's so sad. If your love really can't compare to anyone else's, what are you afraid of?
Hmmmm.
If only you knew.
Something horribly traumatic happened to me within the week.
I won't talk about it on here. If you're a close friend you already know what's happened,
I'm still recovering.
I will likely be recovering for a very long time.
The timing of it all is very unfortunate.
But, things happen for a reason.
I wish I would have known.
I wish I could have stopped it.
I still haven't been back to work.
This is the 6th week.
I have turned back to MFC/CB (camming) for the time being so that I can pay for my incoming medical bills, as well as regular bills.
I would gladly do commissions for money instead, but people are not interested in them.
I hope to not have to do MFC/CB for long, because I hate it.
I want to go back to my job.
I'm still horribly sick.
I was put on azathioprine, which is an immunosuppressant.
The medication I was on previously, mesalamine, did not work at all and I got 2x worse within a month.
If immunosuppressants don't work, I have to bump up to IV medications which cost $10k+/dose.
I hope that doesn't happen, but who knows.
The immunosuppressant makes it so that if I get a cold, I could die.
I'll likely just be very sick for a long time, but I could die.
And that scares me.
I'm terrified.
I try and act like I'm not, but I am.
I'm so scared.
And I'm alone now.
Because my boyfriend, who was also my best friend and my world, left me.
I still love him, of course.
"But you'll always be my hero, even though you've lost your mind..."
I'm disappointed.
I'm hurt.
I'm scared.
I'm lonely.
I'm desperate.
I'm angry.
Talk about throwing a diamond away for a rock, right?
Good lord.
What were you thinking?
What were you thinking?
What
Were you
Thinking?
But fuck, that first paragraph was really something.
Are you snapped out of it, now?
Though if you don't mind, I'd gladly grab a couple of commissions from you.
I appreciate the sympathy, and I'll let you know when I'm up to do commissions again
I'm just unfortunately not in the right headspace to do it right now, but I'll definitely keep in touch and let you know when we can work something out
Thanks :)
Yeah, please do keep me in the know. I'd be glad to help you out with some comms sometime.
Again, no problem.
The "Payment Through Facebook" thing is the only dealbreaker for me.
https://www.patreon.com/projecttemptress/overview is my Patreon
If memory serves, there are Facebook cash/gift cards sold in some stores. Would one of those work?
I honestly have no idea about the Facebook gift cards to be honest lol