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Struggle [Vent]
7 years ago
So, I'm more making this as a vent than anything. I'll probably delete it at some point when I'm feeling better.
Today I'm struggling hard with my depression. It's been a very rough last few months. I've been in a very dark place because of one thing. I'm lonely. That feeling has translated into me feeling like it's because I'm boring, I'm not good enough, I have nothing to offer, so I can't have friends. Too often I sit here for days on end without any interaction with folks. No one checks on me, and I never feel like anyone wants me to approach them when they never return the effort. I genuinely feel like if I ever did something stupid, the only people who would know are my roommates. No one else would even notice because no one ever pays attention to me.
This has also translated into some physical problems as well. I've been incredibly irresponsible with my money. In an attempt to be the best just to get folks talking about me/to me, I've spend a crazy amount of funds on a god damn pay 2 win game of all things. Like, It's going to take me 2-3 years to pay off all the debt I've wracked up now from the last two months. That's not helping my stress situation at all.
I just feel so lost and worthless. A failure. I don't really know what to do anymore to fix this situation. I just want friends again. I didn't appreciate what I had when I was younger. Now everyone has grown distant, and I just want to give up.
Today I'm struggling hard with my depression. It's been a very rough last few months. I've been in a very dark place because of one thing. I'm lonely. That feeling has translated into me feeling like it's because I'm boring, I'm not good enough, I have nothing to offer, so I can't have friends. Too often I sit here for days on end without any interaction with folks. No one checks on me, and I never feel like anyone wants me to approach them when they never return the effort. I genuinely feel like if I ever did something stupid, the only people who would know are my roommates. No one else would even notice because no one ever pays attention to me.
This has also translated into some physical problems as well. I've been incredibly irresponsible with my money. In an attempt to be the best just to get folks talking about me/to me, I've spend a crazy amount of funds on a god damn pay 2 win game of all things. Like, It's going to take me 2-3 years to pay off all the debt I've wracked up now from the last two months. That's not helping my stress situation at all.
I just feel so lost and worthless. A failure. I don't really know what to do anymore to fix this situation. I just want friends again. I didn't appreciate what I had when I was younger. Now everyone has grown distant, and I just want to give up.
I also know how you feel about the debt. Worth chopping up those credit cards when it gets that bad my dude. It's helped me a lot.
You're not worthless. You're a good writer and you mean well, but you've got some anxiety demons that tell you that you're shit, awful, rubbish or nasty things that aren't true. Try to tell those demons to fuck off every now and again. They don't reflect what most think (because in all honesty, we're all a bit too self absorbed at times to think of others!).
If you want to get your geek on and get social, see if anyone is hosting any D&D groups near you and escape to fantasy for a bit? Could be a fun way to go? http://locator.wizards.com/
If not consider signing up to an MMORPG (WoW is my usual go to) and get on the role-playing scene, either Moonguard for U.S or Argent Dawn for EU (my turf). You can meet some really cool people that way and there's a new expansion coming out with small groups desperate to recruit, so chances are you'll get recruited and have a blast.
Poke old friends and faces too. Catch up with them. Do shit you used to do. Most of all, don't be alone. You gotta keep poking others.
Good luck! o>
Am sorry that I have not been super attentive of am often busy myself, I should probably be trying to poke you (and others) lot more frequently.
You defintely need to try and take a less financially burdening form of gaming even something singleplayer that doesnt have spending component to it.
I certainly hope things will improve for you mate.