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Back on the Horse...
7 years ago
Now lrt's see how long I can hang on.
Welcome back to the wonderings and whinings of your host, MaxBlackrabbit.
It's been an interesting year so far. as most of you know I haven't died but something happened to me this year that usually doesn't happen (this long) I got 'stuck'.
Artistically at least, I dunno what happened. I don't think I suffer from depression, I like to think I don't, I'm generally a laid back, take it easy kinda guy but this time...I don't know what happened. it was a mix of low energy and stuck on one particular event. For people who haven't been keeping track. it is Zig Zag's 20-ish anniversary. (I'll explain the 'ish' later.) and I think that's what got me stuck. In an attempt to design something big or flashy for her birthday and I wanted it to be the first pic I posted for 2018...but it never happened and I just kept getting stuck on it. You'd think I'd be able to draw my own creation without a second thought but nope, brain wasn't having it and from there I started going downhill.
Even after talking to some peers, my mood kept dropping for art. a lot of self doubt and even less self worth, just too much stuff to do and so many demands in life between work, art, travel, friends and family, it was all affecting the art. I was just such low energy for the past 6 months. I had to do something, or start getting ready to issue a whole lot of refunds.
So a couple months ago I started leaving the house and going to the local college just to get away from all the distractions of home. It seems to have worked. If you go to an environment where you have nothing else to do but draw, you seem to get more work done, go figure. ;)
Unfortunately the night job still interrupts my art flow but at least for now, I'm making some progress and am finally ready to start posting again.
The art itself was scanned in long ago but I wanted to ;polish; them with greys and probably took it too far, which made4 these pictures even later, bleah.
And more annoyingly as I look through my folder of scanned art, I got a LOT of stuff to convert into postable material so I probably won't be polishing them all to the same extent. So please enjoy this meager offering and my thanks for supporting me during a time of self doubt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In other news...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Family:
Not the best news. My mom is entering that stage of life, where the family has to consider elder care homes and right after that my brother ends up in the hospital (but it was short) take care of yourselves, people.
Work:
Work is work, not much going on there but I am the first on call if people are3 absent so some of my days off are called in, which disrupts work flow.
Travel:
The usual trips but I will at least list the conventions I should be attendingt til the end of this year.
AnthroCon
PawpetMegaplex
FurAffinity United
FurPocalypse
MidWest FurFest
there is a caveat with AC, I'll talk about that next journal.
Hopefully see you folks there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's a long road but I'm glad you're here with me, take care guys.
Welcome back to the wonderings and whinings of your host, MaxBlackrabbit.
It's been an interesting year so far. as most of you know I haven't died but something happened to me this year that usually doesn't happen (this long) I got 'stuck'.
Artistically at least, I dunno what happened. I don't think I suffer from depression, I like to think I don't, I'm generally a laid back, take it easy kinda guy but this time...I don't know what happened. it was a mix of low energy and stuck on one particular event. For people who haven't been keeping track. it is Zig Zag's 20-ish anniversary. (I'll explain the 'ish' later.) and I think that's what got me stuck. In an attempt to design something big or flashy for her birthday and I wanted it to be the first pic I posted for 2018...but it never happened and I just kept getting stuck on it. You'd think I'd be able to draw my own creation without a second thought but nope, brain wasn't having it and from there I started going downhill.
Even after talking to some peers, my mood kept dropping for art. a lot of self doubt and even less self worth, just too much stuff to do and so many demands in life between work, art, travel, friends and family, it was all affecting the art. I was just such low energy for the past 6 months. I had to do something, or start getting ready to issue a whole lot of refunds.
So a couple months ago I started leaving the house and going to the local college just to get away from all the distractions of home. It seems to have worked. If you go to an environment where you have nothing else to do but draw, you seem to get more work done, go figure. ;)
Unfortunately the night job still interrupts my art flow but at least for now, I'm making some progress and am finally ready to start posting again.
The art itself was scanned in long ago but I wanted to ;polish; them with greys and probably took it too far, which made4 these pictures even later, bleah.
And more annoyingly as I look through my folder of scanned art, I got a LOT of stuff to convert into postable material so I probably won't be polishing them all to the same extent. So please enjoy this meager offering and my thanks for supporting me during a time of self doubt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In other news...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Family:
Not the best news. My mom is entering that stage of life, where the family has to consider elder care homes and right after that my brother ends up in the hospital (but it was short) take care of yourselves, people.
Work:
Work is work, not much going on there but I am the first on call if people are3 absent so some of my days off are called in, which disrupts work flow.
Travel:
The usual trips but I will at least list the conventions I should be attendingt til the end of this year.
AnthroCon
PawpetMegaplex
FurAffinity United
FurPocalypse
MidWest FurFest
there is a caveat with AC, I'll talk about that next journal.
Hopefully see you folks there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's a long road but I'm glad you're here with me, take care guys.
I definitely can emphasize with the Nursing Home situation. Also, to getting 'stuck'.
Sounds good that it's getting better.
Glad you got back on track, and I look forward to see you at AC!
Good luck with your approach to art, sometimes even a wise rabbit can learn something new i guess? :)
Also, yay for twenty-ish years of Zig-Zag!
Personally, I'm glad you didn't just crank out a bunch of fodder and keep yourself burned out. Better to rest, recover, and revive instead of keep burning the same already burnt wick all year long with no change in sight.
Stay fresh dude. Art isn't a machine to grind, it's organic and can wither from over use. Had to learn that the hard way myself a few times more then I care to admit :(
Depression, btw, has basically nothing to do with being sad or emotional. It varies between people of course but it often manifests as an inability to internalize joy, leading to apathy, demotivation, and so on.
A change of scenery is good though, and can help you sweep the cobwebs out of your brain so I’m glad that’s working for you (so far, at least). Keep an eye out though and don’t be afraid to find help if things start to go downhill again.
But it's great to hear you're trying to get back on track!
All the best,
FC
BTW, I don't know if you'd know where to find it, but I have been trying to find a picture you did a long time ago of a female zebra naked in front of a waterfall, long black hair. It may be your character or a commission, but it was my inspiration for Lauren, and I was just thinking I'd love to see it again.
Sorry to hear things have been rough.. I'm glad you stuck it out though and found something to get through it. Hope it continues to look up :)
Stay safe!
And hope you get very well. Aside from your family.
Thanks for the update on your life, and congratulations on 20 years of ZigZag! :)
Take care and do what you need to look after yourself first! ^_^/
You're one of my heroes.
Hope your personal life improves.
I'm just glad you're doing better and feeling more confident; you have extraordinary skills and from my experiences are a sweet, friendly person as well. It's good you found a zen space to re-center yourself.
I hope the year only gets better from here for you:)