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[vent] So I had surgery today..
7 years ago
Got somethin taken out but I'm still bleeding. I've been throwing up blood, when I use the bathroom it's all blood, I couldn't eat, sleep, nothin. I've been so deep in my depression that's i just wanted to die and I suppose my body reacted in kind because I stopped taking care of it.
Even now I still can't bring myself to care but I have been trying. My art has been my only way of relieving some of the pain i feel and I have not been able to genuinely draw for two years. I cry all the time now and I am too ashamed and humiliated by what ive become to reach out to anyone, so i let people think what they want and break off our friendships because that's what people do anyway.
I'm in so much pain but I'm more worried about the fact that's i wont be able to work for a few weeks. Meaning I can't pay my phone bill, rent, etc. I don't even have money to by the food I have to eat because my diet has now been forced to change because of all this.
I'm in this hospital bed crying nonstop, out of pain, boredom, humiliation, and loneliness just wishing something could go horribly wrong. Like all who experience it, i have been fighting the depression with all of my strength but now I have none. I just want to die.
This life of mine is a constant shit show, every good thing results in several terrible o es following it. I mean, my roommate will be kickin me out eventually because I can't pay rent, fuck it.
I'm sorry guys, I have been by myself, talking to no one, and completely unhappy...I don't know what to do but be this pathetic sack of shit.
Even now I still can't bring myself to care but I have been trying. My art has been my only way of relieving some of the pain i feel and I have not been able to genuinely draw for two years. I cry all the time now and I am too ashamed and humiliated by what ive become to reach out to anyone, so i let people think what they want and break off our friendships because that's what people do anyway.
I'm in so much pain but I'm more worried about the fact that's i wont be able to work for a few weeks. Meaning I can't pay my phone bill, rent, etc. I don't even have money to by the food I have to eat because my diet has now been forced to change because of all this.
I'm in this hospital bed crying nonstop, out of pain, boredom, humiliation, and loneliness just wishing something could go horribly wrong. Like all who experience it, i have been fighting the depression with all of my strength but now I have none. I just want to die.
This life of mine is a constant shit show, every good thing results in several terrible o es following it. I mean, my roommate will be kickin me out eventually because I can't pay rent, fuck it.
I'm sorry guys, I have been by myself, talking to no one, and completely unhappy...I don't know what to do but be this pathetic sack of shit.
If you ever need to talk, just send me a note. I'm always here for you.
I hope you heal up soon. You'll be in my thoughts
If you ever, ever need to talk, please drop me a note or hmu on telegram: dukeallocer
I'll be cheering you on and wishing you the best!
If you’re comfortable talking to relative internet strangers, I’d be okay shooting notes back and forth. Doesn’t have to be intensive, doesn’t have to be about emotions or stresses, but can just be nice casual conversation to keep your spirits up. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or overstep any boundaries though, so I’ll wait for a bit before sending anything unless I get your go ahead or denial.
It’ll be okay. It’ll take time, it’ll take work, it’ll seem impossible. There are people that care for you, despite what your illness(es) tell you, and they want the best for you.
Heya, I pretty much dropped out after posting this garbage and never got to see your comment.
Now that I read it, I wish I had - thank you for this. IF you're still up to conversating, I'm 100% down. Been a recluse this whole time, so some social interaction would be nice, especially from one so kind.
It can be about anything, I don't mind. If it gets deep/serious, then so be it. Good conversation can take you pretty much all over the place.