Know what I need? For everyone to have a goddamn break. Just a little while where we aren’t in pain or hungry or sick or in fucking debt. A few days, even, where we aren’t the universe’s punching bags or some shit. It feels like everything is going wrong for everyone, all at the same time, and I’m exhausted by it, and I’m sorry that so many of us are hurting in so many different ways. I hate it. I hate everything about it…

I’m so tired of crying right now. I’m tired of being a waste of time and space and energy. I’m tired of fighting with my own brain to attempt to be a proper, responsible adult and still failing at it… Hell, I’m not even on my own internet right now because I can’t afford to pay the bill in full.

In a nutshell, my mother is rapidly forgetting everyone and everything (early onset dementia, caused by years of drinking, smoking, and finally a head injury that she refused treatment for) after many, many years of mental abuse and utter neglect toward me. I know I should try to be the good daughter and visit or something, but I just…can’t. I spent so much time being ignored until it inconvenienced her to do nothing, or laughed at when I told her outright that I was depressed and suicidal and she was one of the triggers, that it just doesn’t feel fair that she’s…basically allowed to forget everything…and I’m tired…