So I gotta go to work in, like, ten minutes, I'll try to keep this short.

I know I haven't been uploading much at all since the whole fundraiser for my tablet, and I'm really sorry about that. I've been DRAWING a lot, but just not uploading for various reasons. I've been in and out of some really dark holes lately. And not the good kind, get your head out of the gutter.

Work got me whipped, my dudes. I only have one day off this week, and my back is KILLING me. And on top of that, a lot of my free time just kinda gets spent talking to friends online, so I don't get to draw TOO often? Let alone find time to play games leisurely, which has been a major blow to my self-esteem. When I don't get to just... -enjoy- myself after a long day of work, and I waste it away watching videos on YouTube because it's a non-committal thing that I can just do while typing to people on discord and junk, it makes me feel like I don't have control over my life and crap, but-- we'll get back to that.

Secondly, I've been feeling the breakup blues. I'm trying NOT to obsess over my recent breakup, but I've been moving through all the stages of grief. It's been almost three months - 12 more days till that marker, to be exact. As much as I surround myself with friends and talk to them constantly, I feel this overwhelming loneliness some days. I'm not used to not being in a relationship, and I really miss her some days. Most days. Okay, pretty much every day, gosh.

But not all has been doom and gloom. While I've been by myself, I've learned a few things about myself, and I've been coming to accept myself for who I am and have been honest with my thoughts and feelings. Which is something I'm not used to doing.

I don't think I've ever talked about my literal PHOBIA of anime on here, but I have actually been terrified of anime for the last decade or so. Like, specifically anime. You guys know how much I love JRPGs and Japanese games, and I'm totally playing some weeb shit on Steam every chance I get; it's literally just -anime- as a medium that scares the shit out of me. And I've been having some recent breakthroughs regarding it, and that feels good.

I have hated being so scared of anime because all my friends are weebs and shit, and I feel terrible that I can't enjoy one of their favorite things. And liking Japanese games - even ones based on anime - simply isn't the same. The medium makes for all the difference. And honestly, I think the reason I like games more is because of their mechanics and stuff, so it's kinda like I'm getting into a series for a completely different reason than most people... -sigh-

anyway, I haven't been so afraid of anime recently. I'm still not embracing it like I think it's the greatest thing in the world, but... I don't hate it. Anymore. I'm not afraid of it. And that's good.

Lastly, I've been really trying to embrace my sexual nature. It's something I suppress constantly - growing up in a hardcore Catholic family will do that to you. Sex is just straight-up demonized in the eyes of my family members, and all hat suppression has just kinda fueled it for some kinky shit, and then I feel the Catholic guilt eating away at me like "wow how dare you like that sorta thing, that's so wrong," etc. etc. It's been breaking me for years. And because I'm usually surrounded by more people who dislike that sorta thing than like it, I just feel like i'm in the WRONG for it.

But recently I've been talking to some friends who said they've always appreciated how forward and blunt I am when it comes to sex. And look, I don't wanna be a bashful guy. There's enough bashful guys out there on the internet, and I wanna be a bastion for people to come to and talk openly about sex so that I can fuel it and enable it and let them feel beautiful and sexy because that's what I think it's all about tbfh. I just wanna share that, I love that. Sex makes me feel good, it makes me feel sexy, and I want everyone to know that feeling. It makes me so mad at my folks for making me think it was a bad thing for years and years and years, but I guess I wouldn't be such a horny motherfucker if it wasn't suppressed as hard as it was.

Wow, I said I wanted to keep this short, but I'm five minutes late and I haven't even finished getting dressed for work.
I'LL LEAVE YOU AT THAT, MY DUDES.
Oh, one more thing

---COMMISSION SHOP IS CLOSED---
unfortunately, commissions stress me out right now. So until further notice, it is closed.

I'm off to work, I hope to hear from you!! So long, my friends! I got plenty of projects I wanna work on when I got time, so expect more art! Love you, ta-ta~!