Okay, I've been trying to write this journal for months (because I disappear so often), but I just couldn't. I'll try to avoid mental health topic here, because it's a massive mess on it's own. I'll try to focus on things that are possible to change, but i can't right now.

Anyway straight to the topic. I am not doing well, my health condition is worsening and with time there are less ways of how i can help it especially because of recent healthcare changes here. And even the surgeries that I'm willing to PAY BY MYSELF wont happen, because the gov dictating things to doctors. It's not because of health dangers, it's because it'll make me infertile. Because of this hassle things are going really downhill for me. My digestive system is fucked, because of the pain and cramps and huge amounts of painkillers i have to take. Meds cost more and more with each month. I have hard time seeking any doctor, because I don't have the money, I cannot work or study anywhere here, because every month 2 weeks of it are just gone in weakness and awful pain. Which also means that I can't access the healthcare.
To put in perspective - the pain is the worst I've experienced and I cannot do anything about it, nor my doctor can. Not a single toothache stands near it. It's a massive mess and it is preventing me of having even a bellow okayish life.


Now change the direction of this journal from absolute misery to an actual hope.
There wouldn't be any hopeful direction if it wasn't for you guys. This is my only source of income and I am truly thankful for this opportunity.
I'm trying to save up so i could move out to central europe (germany to be exact) and live there, receive treatment and have an actual life. Yes, I need big savings for this to happen so I could have money for few months of rent in advance. I'm working all I can, but as you can see, I can't keep up with the flow as I'd like to. Especially since I'm really hoping to move out next year which might seem too ambitious for me to earn enough in such a short time, but I'm trying all my hardest despite it feeling like a feverdream. But I have no other choice or option - it's this or death.
Thankfully I'm getting a lot of support and help on finding a way to settle at my destination from all these wonderful people and I wont be all alone in the new enviroment.
I really wouldn't even ever dream of me having a chance if it weren't for you guys and other wonderful people who are helping me. I cannot thank you enough.



Also if I successful move out, I'll finally get to go to furry cons and smaller fantasy cons. (yaaaay)