FA+
Shop
Personal Vent Thing
7 years ago
I really need to get back into doing collabs jesus H christ. I been feeling a bunch of mood swings recently.
Been feeling extra shitty.
And basically been hating on myself a lot.
But eh. It happens.
Worst part is I more or less feel a friend has an issue with me.
I haven't talked to him in two weeks.
And I've been messaging him casually in that time period.
Mind you sometimes he just doesn't reply.
But, I dunno. I try to chat and nothing.
He's also always set to offline mode.
Well, as of recent that is.
I only really talk to one other person besides him these days and it more or less just feels like.
Yeah.
It just hits hard,
Since I feel all nervous. Awkward. And self hate like.
But I'm not confident enough to change anything.
I hate confronting people when I think they might have an issue with me.
When it's the other way around I'm fine with confronting people.
But when I think it might be something to do with me. That's when it's hard.
I'm already too awkward to talk to most people.
So when I get these bad feelings it just makes it worse.
My mind constantly telling me its my fault.
Constantly saying that I've done something.
Constantly blaming me.
I wish I could see a psychiatrist again.
But. It's just too expensive.
I'm just tired of feeling all this guilt and constantly blaming myself.
Over and over and over again.
It's driving me crazy. I feel everything I do is wrong.
I feel everything I do is bad.
I feel like every bad thing that happens to me I deserve.
And I feel like I'm loosing my mind sometimes.
I just. I can't handle it sometimes.
But I can't just SAY my problems.
I HATE HATE HATE constantly feeling this.
But everything I try just doesn't work.
I just wish the jobs I'd applied for would have accepted me.
Then I would've been able to pay for someone to help...
I just needed to get this all typed down.
Since I don't do well bottling up all these feelings.
And i feel like a burden telling my IRL friends.
Since half the time I feel I sound petty and stupid.
Anywho. Yeah.
Sorry if this isn't exactly an upbeat update you might have wanted.
Been feeling extra shitty.
And basically been hating on myself a lot.
But eh. It happens.
Worst part is I more or less feel a friend has an issue with me.
I haven't talked to him in two weeks.
And I've been messaging him casually in that time period.
Mind you sometimes he just doesn't reply.
But, I dunno. I try to chat and nothing.
He's also always set to offline mode.
Well, as of recent that is.
I only really talk to one other person besides him these days and it more or less just feels like.
Yeah.
It just hits hard,
Since I feel all nervous. Awkward. And self hate like.
But I'm not confident enough to change anything.
I hate confronting people when I think they might have an issue with me.
When it's the other way around I'm fine with confronting people.
But when I think it might be something to do with me. That's when it's hard.
I'm already too awkward to talk to most people.
So when I get these bad feelings it just makes it worse.
My mind constantly telling me its my fault.
Constantly saying that I've done something.
Constantly blaming me.
I wish I could see a psychiatrist again.
But. It's just too expensive.
I'm just tired of feeling all this guilt and constantly blaming myself.
Over and over and over again.
It's driving me crazy. I feel everything I do is wrong.
I feel everything I do is bad.
I feel like every bad thing that happens to me I deserve.
And I feel like I'm loosing my mind sometimes.
I just. I can't handle it sometimes.
But I can't just SAY my problems.
I HATE HATE HATE constantly feeling this.
But everything I try just doesn't work.
I just wish the jobs I'd applied for would have accepted me.
Then I would've been able to pay for someone to help...
I just needed to get this all typed down.
Since I don't do well bottling up all these feelings.
And i feel like a burden telling my IRL friends.
Since half the time I feel I sound petty and stupid.
Anywho. Yeah.
Sorry if this isn't exactly an upbeat update you might have wanted.
This is just for keeping track of everything so I don't forget ❤
Currently Commissioning
Comic Commissions
3 Pages 100% Paid. Paid December 15th 2016. Waiting on sketch update.
YCH's
Collab Images
Collab with 
from 
100% Paid. Paid April 7th 2017.
And hopefully, you do have a better day, and that things will pick up for you. Its understandable it's not something that'll be fixed in an instant, but hopefully it'll give you a smile knowing there are those giving you positive vibes.
So do what you feel is right, and something that a friend told me that helped get me through the day, "Live for your happiness. It's your life, and you should live it in a way that makes you happy"
Awrf, you poor thing. Those demons really nibbling at you hard.
Gotta try and kick em off as best you can.
You are welcome to always poke me, granted i dont spend a lot of time on discord but if i have unread notificatiosn ill always end up replying to them ^^
*snugs*