Feeling defeated (personal) -- antiroo's Journal -- Fur Affinity [dot] net

Feeling defeated (personal)

7 years ago

I don't often really write personal journals, but I feel like venting a bit and getting a bit of stream of consciousness down, for my records, and also as a small peek into my life.

I'm really not doing too well. I thought I was doing okay, but looking back at things, my queue has barely moved and I haven't really managed to gain any savings. My motivation is really at an all-time low and focusing is a daily struggle. Sometimes I'm not really sure how I manage to pull through every month, but then it comes by and somehow I'm still here.
Things have really come to a head this month. I am really doubting I'll make it to MFF. I was really confident that I could, but now plane tickets are getting more expensive and I'm racking up debt from all angles and still getting over this cold, I have a dental visit tomorrow, that I know is going to be extremely costly, and probably take me out from work even longer.
I keep trying to come at my art business with a renewed spirit or some savvy new business plan, but the past three years I've made the same amount of money despite my artistic improvements, and I'm not sure what I'm still doing wrong. Maybe I'm just not as motivated anymore, or struggle to focus more.
I was really hoping the stickers would supplement my income so I could work on my backlog more, but I haven't been able to get into a single dealer's den even through TFF. It's incredibly disheartening, and I have been feeling broken lately.
Either way, I am really sorry to all my commissioners for not finishing your work sooner, I want to give you the quality work you deserve.
I really want to improve the way I do things, but nothing I've tried seems to work...
I don't know what I need, maybe some reassurance, some advice?

35 Comments

Axanis ~axanis

Fursuiter

7 years ago

If its income youre needing have you tried lessening expenses etc? I know it sounds basic but some times a move to a cheaper place, splitting rent etc can really help.

Just a thought.

antiroo ~antiroo

Digital Artist

7 years ago

My expenses are really as low as they can go except for really basic luxuries, which come at the expense of other things in my life. The real problem is I've only been able to make about $15,000 a year for the past 3 years

Momosukida ~momosukida

Sketchy

7 years ago

Hang in there anti, you're a great artist. Perhaps more volume of work would help? I notice you don't really post too often. I've just been posting sketches every couple days for the past few months but it's resulted in a very steady gain. Also I'm in a server with a lot of artists, many that are professional, let me know if you want the discord invite. Perhaps they can give some good advice.

antiroo ~antiroo

Digital Artist

7 years ago

I often struggle to finish my commissions or stay focused while working on them, which makes them take ages to finish.
My queue is really long and a testament to how much work I get vs how much I finish :(
I have been doing a lot of sketches lately, which are easier for me, but I haven't been posting them as much as I probably should be.

Momosukida ~momosukida

Sketchy

7 years ago

Ah, post them then! It's a real battleground for people's attention sometimes, and volume can help. Good luck on finishing those comms, perhaps streaming would be a good idea? The pressure of people watching tends to get me motivated, though I don't know if it would be good for you.

antiroo ~antiroo

Digital Artist

7 years ago

That's the main thing that keeps me motivated too, but it can sometimes be a distraction on its own too for me.

Lurker16 ~lurker16

Writer of Lewds

7 years ago

I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling so great. I hope things start to feel better for you soon.

antiroo ~antiroo

Digital Artist

7 years ago

Thank you very much, I hope so too.

Amorak_The_White ~amorakthewhite

Writer

7 years ago

I don't really have any advice to give, but i hope you can take some time to collect yourself.
Maybe find some co-operative games to play with good friends an occupy your mind instead of being alone with your thoughts. There's some advice, i guess. c:

antiroo ~antiroo

Digital Artist

7 years ago

Thanks, probably a good idea not to stew in it too much

[deleted]

antiroo ~antiroo

Digital Artist

7 years ago

Thank you, maybe I should try this tool. Currently I am using a system of post it notes for the day and just doing what I feel up to (coloring/ sketching/studying)
If you say it helps you keep motivated maybe it's something that can help me too.
Thank you for your advice, Kazu!

Darkwolf3802 ~xfactor3802

Outcast

7 years ago

*huggles tightly* its alright roo, we all go through ups and downs in life and im in a down myself with my health issues. I think maby u should take a break for abit and just push it away to clear ur mind. Clear ur mind and ull get going again. Feel free to poke me on tele too ^_^

antiroo ~antiroo

Digital Artist

7 years ago

Taking a break is a luxury I can't really afford, I don't have savings...

Darkwolf3802 ~xfactor3802

Outcast

7 years ago

Yea neither do i, however if u keep feeling like this and burn out it will only make things worse

Triskavanski ~triskavanski

Digital Artist

7 years ago

Well, everything I've gotten from you I've loved so far Antiroo. And honestly, you're far more reliable than some of the other artists I've commissioned over the past two years. I dunno how to help on the focus front, as I too have been having issues with that a lot of the time.

I could give you a few of my recipes for things that I've been using to make cheap soups and the like too.

antiroo ~antiroo

Digital Artist

7 years ago

I really value being reliable, and it hurts because I really am not at the level I would like to be at right now.
I am glad you appreciate my effort, though.
I am hoping I'm really on the tail end of the cold by now, but thank you for the offer

crystalscar ~crystalscar

Lover Of Blurple Things

7 years ago

*Glomps and hugs you tightly* hang in there hun, we all have our up's and downs and if you ever need someone to talk to or to vent a little my fluff ears are always open, as for the lack of artistic desire maybe take sometime out to go for strolls around some local wildlife areas, or do something that helps you relax, maybe some time away from the computer screen like an hour or two will give you some motivation back if you can the time to do so.

Maybe even some kind of social group that you talk to on a daily basis, that there as a kind of motivation/support group to give you some positive feed back and positivity might help, either way im always here as a friend feel free to give my tail a tug.

antiroo ~antiroo

Digital Artist

7 years ago

Thanks crystal, I feel like these things help me a little bit, so this is good advice. I spend a lot of time with the local furry groups when I am not working. Maybe I can do things to channel the energy better into my work.

crystalscar ~crystalscar

Lover Of Blurple Things

7 years ago

Yeah that could totally work and maybe if any of them are artists a collab or something might be something fresh, you know when you do something different and new it gives you a little excitment and that could always help give you a little boost in your artistic motivation.

Cheeseotron ~cheeseotron

Proto-Furry

7 years ago

I'm not the best at being supportive or helpful, but I've always liked watching you stream, both for the artwork itself and the streams themselves. Wish I could be more helpful, hope things look up soon. *gives hug*

antiroo ~antiroo

Digital Artist

7 years ago

*hugs* you've been a good friend for a while, it means a lot on it's own. Don't worry, you're a good Kitsune.

poojawa ~poojawa

Sabresune connoisseur

7 years ago

When motivation keeps being an issue, you need to start training discipline instead.

You've got to get this stuff done in manageable chunks. Do the rough sketch of the commission, drop the client a note of 'hey is this looking good?' move on to another in the interim. Art for Business is going to have to be a mechanical duty sort of treatment. You just literally can't afford to wait for motivation when your backlog isn't getting chopped down.

If you're not confident about making ends meet, then it won't be plausible to do luxury. MFF is going to run you several hundred just to get there and to exist in a room. Food will need to be gotten as well. 'Oh SHIT' emergency plan needs to have a few hundred as a just-in-case affair. If you haven't already gotten plane tickets, they're about $300 at the moment.

LuckStarDices ~luckstardices

7 years ago

Very sorry to hear you’re still having all these problems and even to hear about your motivation. Motivation is always gonna be a constant struggle with anything, especially when it’s mostly your livelyhood. It’s the whole notion when a hobby becomes your profession and it starts to loss that drive a little. Though as much that happens your style and just art in general is always growing. In terms of the heavy paranoia you may have about your work I’d say communication might be key for this. I can’t speak for anyone else but your art is truly amazing and even from sketch form I was happy with what I got.

You’ve always been easy to talk to and to discuss Comms and just stuff in general. You’ve probably already tried it but I’d suggest just that, giving a draft of what you call finished or close to the client. Now not saying shouldn’t spend time on your art and ideas but it’s always good to find a balance with that and finishing work. I’m more then sure most people would love what they receive from you in almost any form. A good idea might just be putting a time stamp on art pieces and working towards the commission in mind first.

I don’t doubt you problaby do that but it might be good to keep each piece to a maximum of hours if you can, make sure you’re happy with it but at the same a reasonable time put on the piece. I wouldn’t pressure you with this since really I have full faith in you and at the end of the day you gotta look after yourself first. I hope you all the best roo and hopefully you could take anything outta my slight ramble. You’ve got a massive following and I’m more then sure they all want you to be well off and happy.

antiroo ~antiroo

Digital Artist

7 years ago

probably time for me to revisit timelimits, yeah. I really need to try to bunker down and get each pic done in a set time

Dessy ~dessy

Watcher

7 years ago

I believe in you.

Really.

I'd bet on you any day. I'm betting on you right now, in a manner of speaking. And I don't plan on stopping! <3

LillianWinters ∞lillianwinters

Art Whore

7 years ago

Keep your chin up and try to take a little break now and then, it certainly seems like you need it.

You are one hell of an amazing artist and did a really awesome piece for me in a stream at one point, I think if you take a bit of a break you may come back stronger than before and ready to tackle that long list of work you have to complete

Also if you need someone to talk to, feel free to poke me sometime, I dont mind chatting/helping where I can!

CommissarMittens ~commissarmittens

Digital Artist

7 years ago

The best thing to do is try to power through your current work load and rethink how you're going to offer commissions afterwards. You are plenty popular enough to take on the work that inspires you via YCH and 'wing it's commissions! :3 that, and/or offer more simple commissions that would be easier for you to finish faster.

A post from earlier had great advice, too. Discipline. Unfortunately, work can't always be fun or inspiring, but it must be done. Make yourself commit a few hours a day to commission work. Sign off of things that would distract you.

You can do it. You've done plenty already. :3

CLB. ~clb.

7 years ago

My experience personally has been to step back from the business a little bit and look at myself as the foundation. Three meals a day at regular times, eating the right food, a set bedtime, even set art times, and more off time that would be intuitive. Cod liver oil also helps a lot of people because it boosts motivation chemicals in the brain, so 1-2 doses of that a day could be something to consider.
A strong foundation is essential, otherwise even the best business models might just not work out.

A quite easy diet thing to try is to cut out sugar and artificial sweeteners as much as possible. Also starting off with a breakfast that is low carb, sugar free, and high fat and protein. Something like a small bowl of roast nuts, or plain yoghurt. Unsweetened peanut butter is helpful for quick easy breakfast too :3