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Raptor News: NO December commissions; am moving??
7 years ago
General
Hi everyone! Fast version of this post is: I will NOT be taking any commissions in December. I am moving back to Boston. I may run a holiday themed YCH later in the month if I have the time and energy.
Okay, the rest of this is gonna get a bit mopey and personal.
I moved here to upper New York state about two years ago, lived with two friends and, briefly, Tsumi. The two roommates want to move out on their own soon. I don't have any other friends in the area and never learned how to drive, so I basically have no choice but to move back to the apartment I lived in back near Boston.
Listen, I'll just be blunt, because I know some of you care a lot about me: I'm really not doing well lately. This move is very stressful for me, because it feels like the last two years have just be some waste of time, some bizarre fugue state where I moved away for what seems like no reason. The fact that I have to move back into the same apartment I was in before (cleaned, re carpeted, and with no roommate, to be fair) makes me feel like my life has just regressed back a major step. It's like I've been here in Buffalo on borrowed time, living beyond my means.
I lost both my parents in 2017. I'm pretty sure I still haven't 100% come to terms with it, partially because I lived far away for all of it, only flying back for funerals.
My transition hasn't exactly been going very smoothly either... the system here in NY is so notoriously slow, I've been trying at it since like April and they still haven't let me sign up for hormones or anything. No changes in the body, no lazer treatment, I never managed to even start trying to feminize my voice.
All this is adding up to not really the best mental state for a while (the current political climate isn't exactly helping my mood either). I'm lacking in energy, it's getting harder to focus on work, and my confidence is at a low. That's part of why I'm taking December off from commissions (not exactly a cheap thing to do, by the way); I'm burnt out and especially with a move, packing and unpacking, I need time to breathe.
I'm not in dire straits or anything. I've got somewhere to go, and in all honesty, I'll be happy to be back with family and friends and a town with things to do in it (really am in the middle of no where here in NY). I'll be fine and things are gonna get better. I just need some time and space.
I'll still be doing Order of the Black Dog, a post for Cushy Pen, and likely run a YCH.
Okay, the rest of this is gonna get a bit mopey and personal.
I moved here to upper New York state about two years ago, lived with two friends and, briefly, Tsumi. The two roommates want to move out on their own soon. I don't have any other friends in the area and never learned how to drive, so I basically have no choice but to move back to the apartment I lived in back near Boston.
Listen, I'll just be blunt, because I know some of you care a lot about me: I'm really not doing well lately. This move is very stressful for me, because it feels like the last two years have just be some waste of time, some bizarre fugue state where I moved away for what seems like no reason. The fact that I have to move back into the same apartment I was in before (cleaned, re carpeted, and with no roommate, to be fair) makes me feel like my life has just regressed back a major step. It's like I've been here in Buffalo on borrowed time, living beyond my means.
I lost both my parents in 2017. I'm pretty sure I still haven't 100% come to terms with it, partially because I lived far away for all of it, only flying back for funerals.
My transition hasn't exactly been going very smoothly either... the system here in NY is so notoriously slow, I've been trying at it since like April and they still haven't let me sign up for hormones or anything. No changes in the body, no lazer treatment, I never managed to even start trying to feminize my voice.
All this is adding up to not really the best mental state for a while (the current political climate isn't exactly helping my mood either). I'm lacking in energy, it's getting harder to focus on work, and my confidence is at a low. That's part of why I'm taking December off from commissions (not exactly a cheap thing to do, by the way); I'm burnt out and especially with a move, packing and unpacking, I need time to breathe.
I'm not in dire straits or anything. I've got somewhere to go, and in all honesty, I'll be happy to be back with family and friends and a town with things to do in it (really am in the middle of no where here in NY). I'll be fine and things are gonna get better. I just need some time and space.
I'll still be doing Order of the Black Dog, a post for Cushy Pen, and likely run a YCH.
Ill give you any space you need, and let me know if I can help kay?
Big hugs!
*hugs*
You are not alone
It can be a real heart-wrench when you have to move back to where you started, trust me, I know! But familiar ground shouldn't be considered a step back.
You've learned and grown as a person and know that we're here and we have your back! ^v^
Sometimes you gotta take a step back to move forward. Hopefully this starts some good momentum for you
Anyway uh, I've been in some similar situation before. Like everything is set back and wasted years. But one thing I learned in my experiences is that sometimes, in order to move forward you need to take a few steps back. It'll also give you perspective. I know it's hard to see it in the moment but taking a few breaths can help orient yourself.
I really dont have anything to offer other than my condolences and good vibes.