I've been struggling with this so much myself and I relate SO MUCH to everything you've said here!

I decided to take the plunge to do art full-time professionally several years out of college, because I found that other jobs (cough cough, retail) absolutely sucked away my ability to do art. I had a good 6-month period or so where nothing came out when I put pen to paper! Just wispy scribbles. It was awful and miserable and made me question my whole identity - which led to the realization that art is completely a part of me and that I'm not happy doing much else. I've only ever wanted to be an artist, it's what comes naturally, it's what I do in my free time, etc. I pretty much pursued professional art out of fear of losing my ability to do art.

I've similarly been struggling to find a path. I toyed with entertainment-industry jobs, and gave up after a few years because I felt I couldn't compete with people that had been on that track since before college and/or had gotten a degree in concept art, illustration, game design, etc. So, I returned to what I do best (fine art.) And, similarly, I feel the same way about a lot of my (non-furry/hobby) commissions! They're work, and they usually don't excite me terribly, but they pay well enough. I wish I could spend more time on my hobby and personal art, and more time practicing and learning (I fear stagnating so much because there seems never enough time in the day for practice and play.) I've had plenty of days where I question what I'm doing, wonder if I'm good enough, wonder if the art world is too saturated, debate quitting entirely and keeping art a hobby-only thing. There's SO MANY aspiring pro-artists out there. The idea of quitting terrifies me, given the time and money investment of getting an art degree, which has in large part pushed me to keep pursuing professional art work.

What I've taken to doing - and it feels a little clunky and not at all streamlined right now - is to clearly separate the paid work and the fun work. I don't work on them at the same time. I treat the professional work like any other 9-5 sort of job. (Which includes spending time on managing a shop and social media and all of that non-fun anxiety-producing stuff.) It helps me a lot to have them be separate mediums, as well; most of my fun "for me" things are ink&marker, and most of my commissions are paintings. Knitting has been really enjoyable and exciting for me, too, because it's still creative but a totally different medium as painting.

I don't know if any of this helps. I think your work is absolutely WONDERFUL, and I hope you don't ever stop creating - even if that's on a hobbyist basis. It doesn't make you any less of an artist, any less professional, or any less skilled. I've considered it a lot, and I think if your own work is suffering greatly as a result of pursuing professional work, it could really help. (That being said, an alternate option might be to find a way to get paid to do the things you enjoy the most... although that does carry the potential to make it unenjoyable work as a result.)

(Aaah, sorry for the wall of text.)

The thing about an art career is that you always have to produce art, whether you want to or not. And sometimes, that is art you don't even really want to make, but you do because something's gotta pay the bills. That's the most important thing to realize when making the decision of whether you'd like to do art full time or not. This might be something you would want or not, and if it isn't then there is absolutely no problem with doing a part time, or seasonal work and doing your paintings in your off time.

I know it's always easy to say "oh just do what you enjoy" when nowadays you have social media blaring how that one artist just released a book, and that other worked on game XYZ that just released and so on. It's tough to deal with those thoughts of missing out, and you yourself not being the one posting about cool new achievements or whatnot. But in the end, as cliché as it sounds, you have to live with what you do. Not "enjoy", i'm trying to avoid that consciously here because it's an unrealistic expectation to always be happy with what you do, but you just have to be able live with it, you know what i mean? Like today, tomorrow, the day after, you have to deal with them, not some far off possible achievements, but the current days is what you will be experience. So i would try and focus my thoughts on that, like do you think full time art would make your days better? If you think it would then push in that direction.
If you think it wouldn't then continue doing what you are doing, or try looking in other directions as well. Because neither full time art, nor part time art will help you a whole lot if you are miserable while doing it.

And yes, of course like you mentioned there's always time later. Of course once the inevitable robot revolution comes and destroys all our jobs then it might be too late, but until then art is a profession that is not age-bound at all. So no decision is final of course, which should provide some peace of mind i would hope. And in the same vein doing part time doesn't mean you are giving up on your dream either, there are tons of artists doing it part time. Doing a couple of hours a day here and there for the steady wage, and working on their art when they've got time. Nobody will assume that you're no "real" artist or anything like that. It's tough to live off of art alone, so the part time split is a good solution for many people :)

One way or another, you are in a great position to take your time with that decision. With your ski-instructor job you've hopefully got something that'll pay the bills for the next couple of months, and so you've got some time to calmly think about your next steps.

As for my own balance, well i'm thankfully someone who has a very long reach of sort when it comes to being able to work on commissions. I rarely have to draw my own stuff inbetween because to me it's just quite fun to figure out the problems other people are presenting with their commissions. So i'm lucky in that regard as a full-time artist. And because of that i actually barely do any private work, and the one i am able to do i mostly can do because i'm currently at a point where i can afford it monetarily to not always every day end up working on commissions. Simple as that.

Are you having issues with doubting whether you're good enough to be a professional (Impostor Syndrome) or is the problem convincing the market you're the artist they want? I certainly have that issue!

I write and post some of it here (mostly 'Furry' stuff) and on DeviantART. One of my online contacts recently suggested the one thing keeping us from publishing is that nobody reads, anymore. The price of books has gone stupid high recently and the publishers and distributors take huge frothing bites of that, wile the creators get starvation wages.

It's like the record companies, twenty years ago. Many recording artists' careers were wrecked when they tried to fight for their rightful share of their profits. A lot of musicians had to go on the road because they couldn't afford to live on their record royalties. Some recording artists have started self-promoting on the internet. Pomplamoose comes to mind (and musician Jack Conte is the founder of Patreon). I would like to see a similar revolution in reading matter. The producers face one major stumbling block: Amazon.com is the primary distributor for eBooks. You know, the brainchild of richest-man-in-the-world Jeff Bezos. Think he wants to share much of that with me?

Best of luck to you. Whatever road you choose, may you make your dreams come true.

I always wanted to be a photographer, and I was a pro for a while. At one point I sold all my gear and didn’t touch a camera for 20 years. I hated doing weddings, and there was little opportunity for anything else. I didn’t want my photography to be a hobby, I put too much into it for that.

Frankly, I didn’t miss it. Other things filled my time. I came back to photography much later with a different perspective, free time and disposable income.

Giving up was right for me. You’re going to have to figure what’s right for you.

All the comments before mine are wonderful advice. I echo their sentiments.

I'm going to recommend a book called "The E-Myth Revisited".
Their website is https://emyth.com/ , but you can order just the book separately.

A summary is that when your hobby becomes your job, you can't call in sick any more, or take days off. It's your job now. That can weigh heavy on you. The E-Myth is full of good advice and encouragement, little pick-me-ups for when things get you down.

Good luck to you, whatever path you choose.

Sometimes people fall in love with the idea of being a professional artist, when the reality of making a living full-time off art is much different than what most imagine it to be. It's mostly about solving other people's problems creatively (which I personally LOVE!)
But if that's not your cup of tea, and you'd rather explore your own ideas (not something I personally yearn for), I think you should go that route. It's actually quite common! Nothing wrong with satisfying your drive to develop your skills, stories, and characters. Plus, you never know what the future may hold. All that time invested in yourself may land you a book deal, a thriving online print business, or a stunning portfolio you can present to publishers in your 50's for a children's book you've always wanted to write/illustrate.

The key is understanding yourself and staying true to what fulfills your soul and supports your lifestyle.

From reading your post it sounds like you've got a pretty good feel for things despite your uncertainty about what to do next. You seem to know what you like, what your aversions are, what working in the industry will entail, and what your fears are about each option.

Also something to keep in mind: the lines between hobbyist and professional are so blurred anyway. It's not like a light switch "on" vs "off". It's more like a dimmer that you can adjust the brightness on to your liking.

If the ski job is enjoyable and a reoccurring thing every winter, you could do that + create art in the summer months (for yourself, and a few random freelance jobs if you desire). At least you could give it a go and see how you like it.

Give your self chances to experience the options and discover if they're all they're cracked-up to be without fear of failure. "Failure" is just learning anyway. And learning is great (even if it can feel shitty when things don't go the way you expect).

I "failed" the first time I tried to do art full-time. And I KNEW IN MY BONES that I wanted an art career. So I was beyond devastated at the time. It wasn't until my husband got sick of my blubbering and reminded me that my career wasn't in the trash because I had to go back to retail. He told me to pick yourself up, learn what went wrong, regroup, strategize, wait, and then try again. Now I am doing it full-time and have been for many years. Now if something goes wrong with my business / the market, or even if I take a break from my career to do something else, I know that is not failing or disappointing anyone. I will have many chances to learn and try again in the future. Or perhaps I'll move on to something entirely new!

It might also help to redefine what success means to you. In my experience, small things like time with family, the ability to bring joy to others through art, creative problem-solving, etc... fulfill me more than an arbitrary definition of "successful professional artist". I think this is because we often try to define what success means to us for the first time at around the age of 16. And we are all pretty stupid at age 16; the time right before college or generally launching into adulthood. Yet sometimes we hold onto our definitions of success despite what we learn along the way. I reevaluate my goals almost every year it seems, haha!

I feel like I'm piloting a giant ship that is my life. Tweaking the wheel every so often to readjust my course. Sometimes turning my life in a totally different direction if I know I don't like where it's headed. And of course there are things I can' t control (bad weather and sea monsters lol), but those will happen at some point regardless if I choose to steer or not.

Metaphors aside, here are some practical steps I've found extremely helpful:

* Write it all down. Just start brain dumping. I use a GIANT newsprint sketch pad to write down pros/cons lists, my ideas, my feelings, my options, everything that could go right, everything that could go wrong, what I know, what I don't know, etc. It's kind of magical what this process does. It can take days, but once it's done, I have so much clarity. Not fearlessness mind you, but clarity. I choose the path that best fits my needs based on all my collected data. Then I just try.

* Educate yourself. ALL THE TIME. There are thousands of books, podcasts, audio-books, videos, etc. out there that talk about the problem you are struggling with. And often times they are free! Check with your local library to see if they have an online audio/ebook data base. I basically got a free business education by listening (and taking notes) to audio-books from my library for 5 years XD One book that comes to mind that relates to your particular struggle is: https://books.google.com/books/about/The_4_Hour_Work_Week.html?id=E3HVzZQh88wC&printsec=frontcover&source=kp_read_button#v=onepage&q&f=false

* Acknowledge your fears, but don't let them steer your life. Fear is often times a byproduct of our bad experiences early on in life, and most times irrelevant in our adulthood (you mentioned disappointing your family for example). If you have put care, thought, and time into a plan of action that will leave you financially and emotionally stable, then fear should take a back seat and let you do your thing. Just think of it as a whiny toddler that you have to tote around, not the driver of your life. Just strap that baby in the back seat till you get to the park, lol.

* Live your life, no one else gets that privilege but you. People are going to think things about your goals and life plans, but it's insane to shape your life around other's expectations. If you have a spouse or a life partner, you roughly only spend about 4-5% of your waking life with that person. And that's the person most likely closest to you! Not including family members, best friends, co workers, and acquaintances. You might interact with these folks 0.5%. Much more of your time is spent living with yourself (the person who's needs you should be most attuned to). So never let others (or your fears of what others might think) determine your life.

* Take things one step at a time. Often these things seem overwhelming because they appear so far away from us time-wise. In reality our dilemmas can often be resolved by taking baby steps (not giant leaps) in the direction most intriguing to us. Don't feel you have to do it all right now. Just pace yourself and try things on one at a time. See how they fit.

Hope this has been helpful and not just a giant word vomit, haha! XD

If you enjoy the ski job and its steady work keep it and continue art as a hobby. Frankly being a professional artist is a bitch. Keep doing it as a hobby, build up a portfolio and slowly raise your prices a few times a year. Let's say you end up being able to charge $20 per hour then it might be a good incentive to leave your job and go from hobbyist to pro-but you're not gonna make that doing furry art. To go pro doing art you can't just do furry stuff. You have to do art for a wide variety of people and projects, adapt yourself to a lot of different styles and even do a lot of work you might not be into. I'm not just talking about porn though that's an option. Like others have said below it might involve stuff for weddings or advertising for small indie products or even working a booth at the mall (you have to be pretty good at doing good portraits quick tho).

It really all depends how versatile you are and how much work you're able to get in a lot of different places. If you want to go pro then keep drawing a LOT and spreading your work around. It's just there's a lot of risk, it's a lot of work and highly competitive. Also=school is good. Art school can be beneficial plus you should look around at all the different kinds of working artists out there. Find professional artists working in genres that interest you and talk to them. You won't always get good information (or any information) but not every pro artist is super-competitive like that. Lots are more than happy to help by giving tips.

its always good to make a buck doing something you love. at least in theory.
the big downside, is being motivated to do what you can sell, instead of what you want to express, what you want to illustrate.

i don't know from business. i'm just an old guy who makes the pictures i want to see, because people who make a living with their art,
and that's what i see most often on line, don't seem to have a market for odd little houses in the woods with a tiny train going by.

there's no should, other then, what makes the world around you, the world we all share, more or less the world you want, yourself to live in.

i've never learned to relate to business. nor derived pleasure from symbolic value, not turned into things i can use,
with which to create and explore, from which what i find gratification in, derives.

i also observe, that i don't seem to be in the majority of the culture that has come to dominate much of the planet,
the culture who's only cognizance of value, is symbolic.

so i can't tell anyone, what will work for them. just this, know your own priorities.
know the costs as well as the benefits, to YOUR priorities.

that's all i have useful, to tell anyone, about THEIR trade-offs.

i don't believe anyone's happiness has ever come from following someone else's advice.
personally, i've enjoyed everything that has interested me more, when it didn't have to be about money.
BEFORE it was ever discovered, by anyone who saw it as a way of making money with or off of it.

but that's still just me. and i have no idea, if how i feel, would be worth crap to anyone else.
my advice isn't what people need. anyone's advice isn't what people, each other need.

seeing with your own eyes, feeling what your own gut tells you.
even if it turns out to be wrong.
you will never be happier, to have followed someone else's idea,
that never felt right to yourself.

Seems like everyone's got an entire novel of advice to provide, so I won't repeat the above. That said, I think a question you need to answer is: Do you want to make a living off art, or your own art?

Lemme tell you what momma Rose told me, when I were a young whippersnapper of 18, fresh out of high-school, and wondering where to go with the whole entire rest of my life. She said: "Son, do what you love, and the money will follow." Considering she graduated college with a degree in printmaking, and is now a self-employed web-designer who gets paid $90 an hour, has designed coins for the Royal Canadian Mint (they hold invitation only competitions: several grand if you submit a design, several more if it's chosen), she received the Meritus Service Medal of Canada for founding the Great Northern Arts Festival, AND is still happily married (on her first try) to my father, so I'd say she knows a thing or two of what she's talking about. X3
"I'm not going to tell you it'll be easy, I'm telling you it's going to be worth it." -Art Williams, who also knew a thing or two about what's what.
I would ask this: "is there anything, at all, whatsoever, that you would rather be doing, other than art? If so, go do that, don't turn back. If not, go make art. Every day, all day, every breath. Throw yourself headlong into it. (The tricky part, really, isn't making art, it's finding clients... that's not hard, it just takes time and effort. If you can find 3 or 4 good clients, you're set). Take every opportunity: services like Patreon and Go-Fund-me make it easier than ever to be an independent artist these days (fraught with troubles as they may be).