FA+
Shop
Updates, and We Need to Talk
7 years ago
^u^; Hello all. Things have been busy, rife with trouble, with some ups and downs both.
I guess most of all I would like to apologize to people expecting me to get back on the non-fatal vore work. I must say, the possibility of my ever being comfortable making that kind of work ever again is scant to none. Especially not for other people.
Over the years I've had time and time again where it felt like people contacting me for that stuff were edging ever closer and closer to trying to find a "loophole" in my boundaries, and that's not counting the several times where I was contacted by strangers who seemed keen to play along with my boundaries only to try and get something "ambiguous enough" out of me to cross those boundaries. I even saw two or three cases in which that exact thing happened--a well-known non-fatal-only vore artist was commissioned, and the commissioner on reposting tagged it up and down with fatal terminology and story, completely disregarding the artist's boundaries. Even going so far as to track down the original posts on Eka's and adding "digestion" and "fatal" tags to it. That was petrifying to see as the notion of fatality in vore I believe is one of the things that causes my anxiety disorder and my PTSD to flare up. And I wasn't having it. It got frustrating and emotionally trying to the point where being asked to work on stuff I was formerly very keen on was nerve-wracking and tripping my anxieties. I wish beyond wish that it didn't do that, and that it didn't work this way. I really wish I could feel comfortable with this because truth is I still love endosoma. I'm just emotionally barred from it due to the emotional health risks coming from the small but insidious underbelly (pun not intended, but kind of hilarious) in the vore art community.
Aside from that... I really do want my work to stand alone for its own merits, not to only be enjoyed because some people take it as wank material (or... emotional wank material? I guess so, for those who enjoy it non-sexually). I don't want my work to be defined by a super-niche fetish to the point that people ask for nothing else, know me for nothing else, and basically just get surrounded by folks who are simply waiting for me to crank out more of the same. This revelation will probably upset the few who are only here for that purpose, and honestly I don't care if those types take off. The people who like my art, fetishy or not, will stick around. Or at least I hope they will because that's another fear I have--that the only reason people even bother to contact me on this site at all is that they're... hoping I crank out more of their wank material.
If it ever happens that I get the fortitude to work on my own fetish-related material again, please understand that it'll likely remain in the realm of personal art and no commissions or art trades should involve it. If I get pressured towards it again that gate will slam shut. I consider it a bit of social respect that I should be entitled to, to be allowed to have this boundary between what I'm personally comfortable with, and what I'm comfortable keeping in the realm of commissioned work.
My accounts are really short so I have reopened commissions to people in an effort to help support myself, but admittedly I have done so with some fear of people swarming me for fetish material again. This has proven to be absolutely what has happened so I am a bit emotionally compromised from it. Nevertheless, I still need the work in order to afford student loan payments and groceries to survive. Mental health shouldn't take a backseat, but it currently is. I have tried to be clear on my new commission sheet that fetish material is out, but I guess the damage was already done. To most people I am not Spider, I am "Spider that vore artist", and my actual artistic range suffers for it. I long for work, for interesting material to work on, for new characters to draw and pose and involve in scenery and art, and having a new response that isn't hinged on demands for kink would be so gratifying. But it's still far from happening, so I guess I have some PR to do.
I hope you all are doing alright. The holidays are abound and I'm trying to keep in a good spirit and continue self-care and intrinsic motivation every day. Hoping you all are doing better on that front and finding joy! ^^; I'm going to be online trying to psyche myself up while supper's going.
I guess most of all I would like to apologize to people expecting me to get back on the non-fatal vore work. I must say, the possibility of my ever being comfortable making that kind of work ever again is scant to none. Especially not for other people.
Over the years I've had time and time again where it felt like people contacting me for that stuff were edging ever closer and closer to trying to find a "loophole" in my boundaries, and that's not counting the several times where I was contacted by strangers who seemed keen to play along with my boundaries only to try and get something "ambiguous enough" out of me to cross those boundaries. I even saw two or three cases in which that exact thing happened--a well-known non-fatal-only vore artist was commissioned, and the commissioner on reposting tagged it up and down with fatal terminology and story, completely disregarding the artist's boundaries. Even going so far as to track down the original posts on Eka's and adding "digestion" and "fatal" tags to it. That was petrifying to see as the notion of fatality in vore I believe is one of the things that causes my anxiety disorder and my PTSD to flare up. And I wasn't having it. It got frustrating and emotionally trying to the point where being asked to work on stuff I was formerly very keen on was nerve-wracking and tripping my anxieties. I wish beyond wish that it didn't do that, and that it didn't work this way. I really wish I could feel comfortable with this because truth is I still love endosoma. I'm just emotionally barred from it due to the emotional health risks coming from the small but insidious underbelly (pun not intended, but kind of hilarious) in the vore art community.
Aside from that... I really do want my work to stand alone for its own merits, not to only be enjoyed because some people take it as wank material (or... emotional wank material? I guess so, for those who enjoy it non-sexually). I don't want my work to be defined by a super-niche fetish to the point that people ask for nothing else, know me for nothing else, and basically just get surrounded by folks who are simply waiting for me to crank out more of the same. This revelation will probably upset the few who are only here for that purpose, and honestly I don't care if those types take off. The people who like my art, fetishy or not, will stick around. Or at least I hope they will because that's another fear I have--that the only reason people even bother to contact me on this site at all is that they're... hoping I crank out more of their wank material.
If it ever happens that I get the fortitude to work on my own fetish-related material again, please understand that it'll likely remain in the realm of personal art and no commissions or art trades should involve it. If I get pressured towards it again that gate will slam shut. I consider it a bit of social respect that I should be entitled to, to be allowed to have this boundary between what I'm personally comfortable with, and what I'm comfortable keeping in the realm of commissioned work.
My accounts are really short so I have reopened commissions to people in an effort to help support myself, but admittedly I have done so with some fear of people swarming me for fetish material again. This has proven to be absolutely what has happened so I am a bit emotionally compromised from it. Nevertheless, I still need the work in order to afford student loan payments and groceries to survive. Mental health shouldn't take a backseat, but it currently is. I have tried to be clear on my new commission sheet that fetish material is out, but I guess the damage was already done. To most people I am not Spider, I am "Spider that vore artist", and my actual artistic range suffers for it. I long for work, for interesting material to work on, for new characters to draw and pose and involve in scenery and art, and having a new response that isn't hinged on demands for kink would be so gratifying. But it's still far from happening, so I guess I have some PR to do.
I hope you all are doing alright. The holidays are abound and I'm trying to keep in a good spirit and continue self-care and intrinsic motivation every day. Hoping you all are doing better on that front and finding joy! ^^; I'm going to be online trying to psyche myself up while supper's going.
I dont want to partake in vore anymore either because of the fan base.
It started getting creepy having people following me to discord, sending weird notes and getting gifted with fetish art which pushed way past my boundaries.
The creepy comments I can overlook but the stalkers I can not!
I made it clear in a journal that IF I ever draw vore again which at this point I'm starting to feel quite uncomfortable about it, I will draw only my own characters and nobody else's because I dont wanna get stuck in a loop of being stalked by creepers who think I'm some kind of vore whore.
Of course I know the vore community as a whole is not guilty of this, but it's easier for me to just avoid it anyway.
I totally understand why you might be feeling put off from the vore community is where I'm going.
I respect your choice, and I hope others do too.
Thanks so much! XD I have a feeling my grievances might be directed to like... two people who can actually get to the journal. I blocked about ten people this year for sending creepy notes like mentioned above. Some of whom might have just been the same person on different accounts. A small but irritatingly loud minority.
It also kinda sucks knowing that there's people who like your art, but in a way that they wish you would change something that, in your opinion, is an integral and fundamental part of your 'brand'. That they don't like 'you' for what you truly do and enjoy : (
I think there are some people who well and truly just don't understand that artists can have boundaries--so they just assume everything and anything is fair game until someone corrects them. At least, I hope it's just a few bad apples and mostly misunderstandings. It'd be a lot easier to overcome and get back into those topics if it was all misunderstandings. ^^;
Thanks for the support. ^^ I really do like your work by the way!
And yeah, I think there is a lot of misunderstandings. I'm more worried of like, the ones who do the whole 'loophole of ambiguity' thing, where they try and find the line, and then imply it crosses over once it's out of your hands. All the while that is specifically their intention- trying to get a nonfatal artist to draw something that they can interpret/tag as fatal.
And of course! I always love seeing your stuff, your submission descriptions always make me smile.
Glad to hear you like my stuff, too
Yeeeeeah, there's some of those. Though I'm honestly not sure if they do so out of actual malice or more like apathy--they don't understand that boundaries are something to be concerned about, so they act without caring about them and don't understand why they're getting turned down.
but I encurage you to say no and denie those who are trying to push those boundries. you do have that right to reject those who neither respect you nor your rules, and no one say otherwise. that being said, I understand the need for money but I do believe that you are better then those who'd try to push you to brake your principles.
(also sorry I haven't posted your comission yet, I keep forgetting to do that).
I hope after a nice rest from having to say no to people I'll be able to offer it again. Well, we'll see!
(Take your time! It's all good!)
Don't let others get you down.