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This Can't Keep Going Forever
7 years ago
First of all, I'm sorry, but I can't take any more commissions. At least not for a while. If you're a close friend, or if I'm already talking with/noting you about a commission, then sure. But for the most part, I can't.
Here's the thing...I never intended for this site to be a huge part of my life. I never wanted to draw porn for a living. Not that I don't enjoy this stuff, but when this started, it was simply a means to an end...a job to help me survive. All along, the plan was to nuke this page (and all of my drawings) as soon as it had as many views as my deviantart profile (which is rapidly approaching). But somehow, I became relatively popular within the tickling sphere on this site. My page has grown shockingly fast and I'm getting commission requests left and right, which is something that I absolutely never expected. And what's become distressingly apparent is that I've gotten more successful doing this, drawing fetish art, than I ever have as a "real" artist. And so I stayed here...buried myself in this community. But in doing so, I've neglected my goals...my dreams...my friends who I've built relationships with over on my "main" deviantArt page. And I miss those things, dearly.
I haven't drawn anything for myself in a very, very long time, and my imagination has dried up. While many of you have become friends and the support has meant a lot, the truth can no longer be avoided: staying here is bad for me. I want to return to doing the things I truly love - and tickling is an awesome fetish, but it's not those things.
The long and short of it is that I intend to spend much less time on FurAffinity, at least for a while. Again, if we're currently discussing a commission, I'm not going to leave you hanging. So don't worry. Some of you I can still talk with on discord. But after this upcoming storm of projects (which may take another month yet), I hope to be around less often.
Thanks for understanding.
EDIT: In case I wasn’t 100% clear, I am not up and disappearing right now. Still have a lot of projects in the works and will be hanging around. I need a break AFTER that.
Here's the thing...I never intended for this site to be a huge part of my life. I never wanted to draw porn for a living. Not that I don't enjoy this stuff, but when this started, it was simply a means to an end...a job to help me survive. All along, the plan was to nuke this page (and all of my drawings) as soon as it had as many views as my deviantart profile (which is rapidly approaching). But somehow, I became relatively popular within the tickling sphere on this site. My page has grown shockingly fast and I'm getting commission requests left and right, which is something that I absolutely never expected. And what's become distressingly apparent is that I've gotten more successful doing this, drawing fetish art, than I ever have as a "real" artist. And so I stayed here...buried myself in this community. But in doing so, I've neglected my goals...my dreams...my friends who I've built relationships with over on my "main" deviantArt page. And I miss those things, dearly.
I haven't drawn anything for myself in a very, very long time, and my imagination has dried up. While many of you have become friends and the support has meant a lot, the truth can no longer be avoided: staying here is bad for me. I want to return to doing the things I truly love - and tickling is an awesome fetish, but it's not those things.
The long and short of it is that I intend to spend much less time on FurAffinity, at least for a while. Again, if we're currently discussing a commission, I'm not going to leave you hanging. So don't worry. Some of you I can still talk with on discord. But after this upcoming storm of projects (which may take another month yet), I hope to be around less often.
Thanks for understanding.
EDIT: In case I wasn’t 100% clear, I am not up and disappearing right now. Still have a lot of projects in the works and will be hanging around. I need a break AFTER that.
But ill look for the projects still to come, and ill wish you the best on your way. (and ill do my best to find you on DA if i havent already, to watch you continue doing what you truly want to do. Who knows, that might be even better to enjoy ^^;)
In the end, what YOU want is most important, its what drives art, doing what your passionate about. if the passion isn't there, the art will suffer, and you wont have fun doing it. So again, i hope the best for you and still hope to see you around ^^;
And I do have fun with these ideas, especially the ones that we threw back and forth. XD
The thought means a lot, but perhaps it was a mistake to bring that up...there's a reason that my two identities are kept secret.
That's part of why I posted this in the first place...looking at my recent work, I already feel that it's beginning to suffer.
Again - thank you so much. And you'll see me around. I'm not completely disappearing from this website...just trying to get back to reality a bit.
Yeah....well, i wish you the best over there then. tbh im glad you did, at least then i know your enjoying yourself somewhere, even if its not here ^^;
alright, i...yeah i get wanting to do that, and i wish you the best with it, again. i am glad youll still stick around at least a little bit, i hope to see you still pop up on some of the things i com, always like seeing yeah enjoying it ^^;
And I could never leave Em! lol
Just to go into this a little, felt like you where leaving like fully just do to the phrasing, and how you said at the begining how you intended to nuke the account. Made it seem like the time had come as you never say 'hay im still going to stick around just taking a step back' just said how your finishing projects then poofing. Made me, at least in my current state just think immediately you'd burned yourself out to far and where vanishing as this wasn't the life you wanted. Im glad to see that's not happening just yet, just always the realization that everything is finate always makes me just...upset ^^; Especially with your stuff as i always found it a treat to see, and will be sad having it vanish for a good long while.
But, but, butttt *shakes it more* i will be quite now. I get it, you want a professional life, you have dreams, aspirations, goals that this type of thing might hinder. Honest i always find the tickle fetish to be the LEAST horrible thing that people could possibly find out about someone on this sight, but at the same time i keep it a secret too x3 and for an artist that does it, well it makes all the more sense, as it just melds together for people. But, your not, vanishing completely from the sounds of it. Youll still be around, youll still pop up. And im happy to hear that ^^;
Just....just wishing i tried a bit harder, got to know you a bit more, and (selfishly) wish i tried a bit harder to bring my own ideas to life before it all started getting to much ^^;
but ill quite with the paragraphs, sorry for dumping everything not exactly in the best, mental state atm x3 (ohh good im dumping that too ahhhh) Take care of yourself! i know ive pretty much been begging for the contrary but ignore that and make your dreams real. You got the talent to do it, you deserve to go far. I believe in your success! *gives a thumbs up then poofs in a black mist*
Hey, I understand. Have felt the same way about a lot of things. And I'm flattered that you hold me in that regard. :)
Oh yeah, I'm lucky...it's definitely on the low end of the embarrassment spectrum, but still, it's there. XD
You've done a great job bringing your stuff to life through other artists. Love your characters.
Are you ok?
Seriously, thank you man.
Thank you ^^; im glad you enjoy what ive been getting, and hope you continue to!
Im....yes, i think, sort of...I just got off a turn around shift (so what felt like an effective 14 hours with a sleep break) and got finals tomorrow, like all of them. Im going to be sleeping in about two seconds so like, ill probably be much better after that, and then in like a few days ill probably be back to being chipper again x3 just....things hitting there end points all at once and what you say about professional work just reminds me of the crushing realization that im one semester away from graduation and and no flippen clue where im going with my life ^^; like, i got a major and a passion but every where i look no one really seems to want me....
but, thats just life, and ill figure it out. I can look at it positively and think about it like 'wow i got a whoLLLe semester to figure it out!' but then that just makes me procrastinate xD But in the end its my problem, and im only dumping it here cause yea asked for it ^^; but i dont mean to worry you with it. Just keep up what you need to! That's as much motivation i need to do the same x3.
No problem ^^;
All I can say at this point is, thank you for taking the time to take my requests, you nailed all of them, and I hope you find what you are looking for. You were one of the first people I ever contacted to do commissions here on this site (something that I never dreamed of doing years back) and I'll always take note of that because it led me to be more open about this strange kink to other artists who share similar interests.
Also, if you feel ashamed about anything regarding this type of art, don't be, we're all human and we all have some weird thing that we're into that some other people will find odd. As long as it's not illegal it's fair game.
If you ever decide to come back, I'll look forward to it.
Thank YOU for offering them. I always had a blast working on yours; they seemed to encapsulate a more fun and mischievous quality that often gets lost in the more kinky stuff. The support meant a lot. And I'm happy that this experience could open you up. :)
Fair point. haha But still, it's not something that I'm comfortable sharing with everyone I know.
I'm not packing up; I'll still check back in probably once a week or so. Just can't spend my entire life here anymore, you know?
Well I'm glad you enjoyed working on them. Weirdos like me tend to ask for stuff like this rather than kinky stuff but, if it's not fun and mischievous it's not a true tickling drawing
Oh no, I would never share my info to anyone I know like that. What I meant to say was, don't beat yourself up for being into that, that just kinda happens.
Ah I see, the way it was worded confused me a bit. But yeah I get that, something to note though, once you've recharged and think you're ready, let us know, I'll be sure to hit you up with some ideas I got.
I did, sincerely.
Yeah.
My bad, sorry. XD Looking forward to it.
But ultimately, go for it. It'll be good to take a step back from here, get back into the swing of what you really want to do. Take the time to draw for yourself because you WANT to, not because you're getting paid to- as dragonmaster said, if the passion isn't there, the art'll begin to suffer. And given your wonderful art style, it'd be a colossal shame. Maybe pop back every so often to go 'hey guys some commission slots are open' whenever the mood takes you.
Though I have to confess, nuking your page entirely when it reaches the same view count as your dA profile might be a little excessive. What could be worth doing is posting some of your own, 'normal' art here, since I'd lay money on most of your fans (myself included) simply not knowing how it looks. Could end up attracting a wider audience that way, perhaps?
(I apologise if this comment seems a bit all over the place. Typing this out on mobile is a bloody pain!)
Thank you for understanding, and for your support and enthusiasm - I plan to still be present here, just not nearly as much as usual.
Well...see, on the one hand, I would love that. It would be awesome to have some of the friends I've made here look at my more mainstream portfolio. Would it also be great to have the following I've built here at least partially transfer to my other work? Absolutely. Lord knows I've built up an audience here far more quickly than anywhere else. But the thing is...my fetish is a private and very deeply personal part of me. It's not something that can just be put out in the open for everyone to know about. My friends have no idea that I do this and that can't change. I don't want to be judged or looked down upon because of what I've done to survive. And more to the point, I have very stupid, selfish, and unrealistically-lofty career goals. Those can't be jeopardized by a history in fetish art. (Though Rebecca Sugar drew child porn on tumblr and somehow still got hired by Cartoon Network, so what the hell do I know.)
I know a few friends of mine would just say to do it anyway, and if those friends give you shit about it then they're hardly friends, but that's not a one-size-fits-all solution (and like you say, private and deeply personal. It's not as easy as if you're just drawing fetishes you yourself have no vested interest in, for commissions). Though for what it's worth, one friend, when asked what he does, simply says he's an 'Illustrator'- makes people think he works for companies designing stuff, but no he actually just draws lewds. Quite funny, I found.
Though, a thought's just occurred to me- would there not be any way to direct people here to your dA profile at all? Even if it's by way of, I dunno, an outside website (sorta like an online portfolio that's not tumblr/dA/FA, if that makes any sense. Sorta like this http://holtzworks.com/ )? 'cause I mean, if any eyebrows get raised at new commenters/watchers, as unlikely as that may be, you can just shrug it off since I'm pretty sure those kinds of comments happen all the time xD
And seriously? Draws child porn and then gets hired for CN? I almost want to make a joke there but even that's too low for my humour.
You're likely right, especially on dA, but it's more my IRL friends that I'm worried about. Still, this is more about personal shame than anything else.
Haha yeah, I've said the same thing.
I do have a portfolio, but it's nothing special, and that still would lead people here to my true identity. I'm not worried about other people raising eyebrows based on who follows me. That is unlikely, you're right. I just don't want people from fA to know who I am on dA.
Well, I suppose that depends on your point of view. To be specific - the creator of Steven Universe, before getting hired by CN, spent time online drawing unsettling pictures of Ed Edd n Eddy characters fucking each other. She desperately tried to get rid of them all, but you know how the internet works - once it's up, it's up forever.
You did say "thank you," and it meant a lot when you did. :) Maybe I wasn't totally clear...everyone seems to think that I'm disappearing forever. I'm not; just taking a break and massively scaling it back. Maybe logging on once a week, not really doing commissions anymore...more of a relaxed presence.
Thanks dude. :)
Hm...I don't know. These two halves of myself are separate and I'm not sure I want one to spill into the other.
I never meant to go around spilling your secrets, but I understand your concerns. I'm not sure how long you'll be able to hide from your watchers, you have a very distinctive style. I'm kidding, don't ever think of nuking your page, there's a special room in hell for artists who destroy their own work! XD
Exactly, that's part of the problem. My more mainstream stuff...well, the linework is pretty much the same, but I tend to use extremely heavy shadows and more surreal imagery. Still, I suppose it's a good thing that my style is recognizable. :)
Haha I'm not sure what I'll do at this point.
Becoming a victim of success is awkward, but nothing ever said you had to be pigeonholed in that area. Branch out, enjoy art. Even your SFW stuff will be appreciated here.
Thank you. :) I might try it.
Good continuation to you. You are a talented artist and a very nice person to talk with.
You're incredibly nice too, and I've always enjoyed working with you. Would happily do so again at some point.
I love your art and would hate to see you come to resent it. I'd hate that in any situation. So if you're done with tickle art now. I understand. I hope you've felt welcome in this community.
As far as "inspirations and companions" goes...dude. I loved your work for years before I even got on this site. It's an honor to...if I may be so bold...consider you a friend. I still have absolutely no idea what you see in my art, but it's meant the world and helped tremendously during my start here. Thank you so much, for all that.
Not resentful of anything yet...just tired. Creatively impotent. I don't want to leave this community forever...not just yet, anyhow. I only want a break, and a retreat back into my own ideas.
However, I understand how you feel about this. It's odd... Even when we love the fetish, it can be a very strange and frustrating thing to see our art here grow in popularity and attention while the main thing that actually got us loving the craft in the first place, be it a comic, book, or other artistic goals, is taking a backseat. This is doubly so when we find ourselves mainly doing art for others rather than for ourselves. Fetish art can get massively popular because you basically have a guaranteed audience, but your other projects are important too!
I'm sorry to hear that you intend to back away from here and this line of work, but I do hope to be able to work with you in the future! Whether fetish art or no ;) Your page layouts, expressions, and character work are fantastic!
No matter what you do, I wish you the best of luck!
Took the words right out of my mouth. I love fetish art and have drawn tickling stuff for years, long before joining furaffinity or taking money for it. But I spent almost 2 years on a webcomic that crashed and burned, while maintaining success with this stuff...it became frustrating. It's begun to eat at me.
Backing away, but not fully disappearing. Maybe after taking a while to recharge, I'd certainly be open to more work.
As someone who wants to work in comics, that feedback is incredibly uplifting. Thank you, and thanks for understanding.
Wanting to focus on your own goals and such is perfectly reasonable and while I did enjoy your art in this particular fetish (so much so to the point where I commissioned several pieces from you haha), in the end, you wanting to do what's best for you is something I totally get.
All I can say is that I wish you luck in whatever you end up doing in the future and hope it brings you nothing but good thing, dude :D
Thanks dude. :)
I was hoping to get a commission from ya some time soon but I won't bother you about it. Do what you got to do. I'll cherish the piece of art I was able to get from ya.
Take it easy.
Oh, I'm sorry. Is it small? It wouldn't be too much trouble to add another to the pile that still needs to be finished.
"Cherished" is a strong word, particularly since I feel that I failed you and submitted sub-par work. You're incredibly generous; thank you.
I will be honest with you, I won't be able to pay you until after Christmas. I hinted at what I wanted to commission in a previous comment on your work. I think. Harpie Lady being tickled by harpie's feather duster.
Thanks for offering to take on another job but don't feel like you have too. I don't mind waiting for you to return from your break.
Thank you.
And sure, that's no problem. Her design is simple, it's a cute little scenario. If you were gonna ask me for a comic or something I might turn you down. LOL
I'll save my multi-panel idea for a later date. Take it easy and have a Merry Christmas.
Not gonna lie, it kinda sucks hearing that you'll be departing.
But at the same time, I hope you pursue your ambitions, and I wish you nothing but the best.
Not fully. Just going into the background.
Thank you. :)
I kinda met one or two artists that had something similar... only that theirs was a permanent leaving. After all, some artists are just looking for their original goals. If you feel like you fell into this fetish commission hole a bit too deep, then don't worry, take all the time you need to rest from the ticklish situations.
And sorry if this offends you in any way, but... I think I am not familiar with your deviantART account
It's not offensive...to be honest, the fact that you're not familiar with it is a good thing. It's by design. I'm quite comfortable having this part of my life a secret.
At this point, I plan to return in the future. However, eventually, this stuff will have to go. Don't know when.
Thank you for supporting me. :) (Is that something on reddit? Because I don't go there. If somebody has been posting my shit....lol)
Exactly. It's just gotten too big. It was meant to be something that I loved and could retreat into in secret, not a major chunk of my life.
Thanks!
8Chan X3 A lot of us hang out there lol.
And of course! I s'pose you'll make an announcement journal when the time comes? Or will you just straight up disappear? Either way, its your decision X3
Oh I'd never just drop off the face of the earth without saying anything.
That's why I kept returning to fetish art. I get so much more validation, so much more indication that I'm doing the right thing, when I work here. We've both felt the same thing.
People have told me that I've made progress here, and on some level I think that's true. But at the same time, there's a point where I want to say "Ok, now let's apply this to my actual career goals." It's a comfort to know that you've had success of your own since moving on.
Exactly! You've put it into words far better than I could.
You make very valid points. But the courage to make that decision and be open still eludes me.
No, you're not. Our mindsets are so similar on this situation; seeing it in someone else, knowing my struggles aren't just mine alone...that helps.
I really liked working with you; thank you for that. :)
I've enjoyed your work here, and just wanted to wish you well before you take your break, so I hope that was okay.
Yes, I seem to recall you taking a break a while back...were you having similar thoughts then?
That's a huge uplift and weight off my shoulders, thank you. :) Looking forward to seeing more work from you as well.
And yeah, much of it had to do with my morale and finding a balance between the art and things I had to do daily. It started off fun at first, but the the stress built up and just had to manage myself a lot better. Still sort of finding the rhythm to it to be honest XD
But best of luck with you ambitions. I'd still be interested following your work outside this community :3
Exactly.
Thank you. Hmm...maybe.
All the same, if you have ideas that you'd like to see, I'd love to hear them.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do, I'm hoping your passion for art returns!
Thanks man. Me too.