Hello there.
First of all, Merry christmas to anyone!


So, now its time for somethink personal. It´s time to talk about somethink, its personal stuff. BUT, it might be pretty much important.

About me in RL:

I was born in June 1995 in Germany, lower-saxony to be detailed. My birth way very early, leading to some probs which requested instand transportation to an special children clinic via helicopter. I had three severe lung pneumonia´s within some weeks; I survided all without any probs.
Only the fact that I was preemie leaded to some long-time Occupational therapy; specialy training from Eye-hand movement for over 9 years.

Let´s jump into my childhood. When I was 10 my grandpa died due to severe cancer, it took only 2 weeks. It was the point that changed my life, the happy times where over for me. I miss him very much; its an hole that will never end up closed.
Thats nearly all I can remember from my childhood.
Or, lets say all that I want to remember from my childhood. I´m a little bit introvert, and possibly rejected some friendships. About them, ugh. I had some in the last few years; later. Friendships in school?
One person that I would call a friend, nearly no contact anymore.

After finishing school I had to make a choice:
-Apprenticeship or further school. I had a place on an further school, it was unlikely they would take me. B-U-T. I declined.
I wanted to make some money first, well seeing from my currient point of view: A mistake!

After 2 years the company I worked for closed, and they gave all of us ~10K€. The company also managed to search an other company where I finished my apprenticeship.
Meanwhile I started to gamble. And lost (for sure). It leaded to several probs in RL, problems with my friends and family and with my bank, too. I´ve lost an big amount of money, enough to study for 2,5 years!

The gambling started not only because of the large amount of money that I gained for nothing. It was some kind of gaining attention.
Anyway, to make it short. I gained:

-Depression due to loss of friendships and other stuff.
-Thoughts of suicide. And, well attemps. (we should leave it like that, please dont aks how I tried it. Please!)

I´m mostly over that, not over the Depression but over the suicide thoughts.
What helped me was a hobby of mine since middle 2016. I would talk more about that, but that would expose my RL too much. I´m cooperating with distributed computing project and prepaire some data for them. My future plans are aiming for more cooperations!
Always I thought about "simply ending it, like no one would miss me", ended in: >>Wait, not now! I still have to proof something!<<.

My latest downs are only a few weeks ago; it´s pretty easy to trigger me. I´m remotely working, always away from anyone that I know. The feeling of being alone can be brutal, but I can handle it for the most time of the year.

A few weeks ago I decided to get over with it. I bought an commission from which was more then awesome!
It was a life changing moment. I was shy for over 4 years, that should be over! I have meet many people, many of them are new!
I´m trying to be active on Discord daily!
I´m happy that I meet so many of them, the list would be too long to list. LOL
I will only list some of them, if your not into that list: Dont worry, I like you all. <3
(Very nice to RP with you! <3) (I´m very proud that I chat with you, I follow you since umh 2 years? I never gueesed someone like you would talk with me so much.)
Last, but no least:
(You are my best friend I ever had. <3 <3 <3 )


Is there anything else? Yeah, my typos. I dont care.^^ There are many of them, feel free to search them. :-P