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2018 had seemed like a great year until suddenly it wasn't
7 years ago
Scribbling nonsense all across the board like jaguars leaping from trees of leather bodices encasing aged withered corpses whose eyes dazzle with the light of one million and three silver satellites flying over Los Angeles hiding illegal immigrants from Irish potato farms built atop the golden ruins of El Dorado filled with demonic Ewoks hurling tremendous tankards of tons of Tylenol at the panda bear ninjas that hide around every corner of the magic square building trying desperately to pull up its skirt and set roots on another cubic square inch of the board upon which I am scribbling nonsense.
I felt like I was making improvements in my life, steps toward being a productive human being.
I had managed to get hired for not one but two jobs, both of which have been manageable and pleasant for the most part.
I was managing to improve my coloring techniques to a significant degree.
I had found that I could get myself to write consistently if I pushed myself to it.
I was starting to slowly build up funds in my bank account again.
I thought I was pushing myself to interact with people more.
Everything was looking up.
But now here I am going into the new year and I don't feel happy in the slightest.
The progress I had managed to make came to a screeching halt.
Every day is a slog of anger and misery.
And I feel like nobody gives a shit about it.
No matter what I try to do to put myself out there I just get the distinct feeling that I'm bleeding myself dry to no effect.
My work goes unnoticed and my interactions are overlooked.
Everywhere I look I just see people who are happily engaged with each other, doing things together, having a great time, and I'm constantly reminded that I hardly have anything like that in my life.
And it's bad enough that my attempts to reach new groups have failed, but I don't even feel like I can rely on the people I used to know.
It seems as if the vast majority of the friends I had starting out here have just decided to consistently ignore me at every opportunity.
I thought I'd tried to reach out for this in the past, but it never makes a significant or lasting difference, everyone just drifts away from me.
The last verdict I've come to have from my therapy was that I need to have more socialization in my life, and it's become abundantly apparent that I'm not getting that through the internet.
So I'm just going to have to go out and try to find people to meet up with, maybe I'll somehow manage to find people who will accept my inanity, who knows.
I don't feel like I even know what being friends with someone means anymore.
Happy fucking new year's I guess.
I'll be amazed if I even finish that Daybreaker vs Amore pic within another year.
I had managed to get hired for not one but two jobs, both of which have been manageable and pleasant for the most part.
I was managing to improve my coloring techniques to a significant degree.
I had found that I could get myself to write consistently if I pushed myself to it.
I was starting to slowly build up funds in my bank account again.
I thought I was pushing myself to interact with people more.
Everything was looking up.
But now here I am going into the new year and I don't feel happy in the slightest.
The progress I had managed to make came to a screeching halt.
Every day is a slog of anger and misery.
And I feel like nobody gives a shit about it.
No matter what I try to do to put myself out there I just get the distinct feeling that I'm bleeding myself dry to no effect.
My work goes unnoticed and my interactions are overlooked.
Everywhere I look I just see people who are happily engaged with each other, doing things together, having a great time, and I'm constantly reminded that I hardly have anything like that in my life.
And it's bad enough that my attempts to reach new groups have failed, but I don't even feel like I can rely on the people I used to know.
It seems as if the vast majority of the friends I had starting out here have just decided to consistently ignore me at every opportunity.
I thought I'd tried to reach out for this in the past, but it never makes a significant or lasting difference, everyone just drifts away from me.
The last verdict I've come to have from my therapy was that I need to have more socialization in my life, and it's become abundantly apparent that I'm not getting that through the internet.
So I'm just going to have to go out and try to find people to meet up with, maybe I'll somehow manage to find people who will accept my inanity, who knows.
I don't feel like I even know what being friends with someone means anymore.
Happy fucking new year's I guess.
I'll be amazed if I even finish that Daybreaker vs Amore pic within another year.
Hopefully that jibber jabber made sense, but I want you to know that.
Happy new year, darling.
And that came a day after reading something like three or four of your stories in a row.