I know plenty of people who've changed their names.. either because, like you, they felt no connection to it, or because they've transitioned. Having been married I've obviously changed my surname, and now separated, mulled over returning to my maiden name but decided against it (for now)

You need to ignore the noise and everyone elses opinions and really, really think long and hard about how YOU feel about it. IF its something you feel you need to do to help you severe some of those ties with your family and make the move forward with your life, then do it.

Ultimately, no-one likes change, it is difficult learning a new name, but if they can't respect you as a friend by using it, then you are likely better off without them too, because its not about how they feel about it, but about you and you alone.

Live with the name you've chosen for yourself for a little while before changing it legally,

This is your decision.
If others do not like it, that is their problem. If they are your friends, they should respect it, namely because it is a very emotionally-charged decision for you.
Please do what will make you happy.

Also, take time to make this decision. Time to cool off from the holidays would be beneficial in deciding things rationally, such as picking the RIGHT name instead of the first one that sounds good... it may just help you.

I have to agree with the 2 above me. Don't let others try and sway your decision simply because they find it odd or different, it's YOUR name, not their's

If you like it and can identify with it more than your previous name, then do it.

I replied with this to a comment below, but I also really wanted your take on it honestly ><

So here's this;

I find it realllly hard not to ask people their opinions to be honest - It's one huge flaw I have. I care a lot about what the people I care about think, and I really wish I didn't.
The thing is I tend to view myself and situations through such an anxious lense that I feel like I *NEED* to ask what other people think, just for clarification that I'm not thinking or behaving in a certain way just because I'm anxious, and how I'm thinking and feeling is a valid response to "x or y" situation if that makes sense??

I'm constantly looking for validation when I'm upset or scared or w/e, because I don't know if feeling that way is the correct response for someone who *doesn't* have anxiety issues - I literally don't know if that makes sense ><

And I also especially don't want to end up settling on something that doesn't suit my face, or who I am - But then because of my anxiety shit, I always see myself in a more negative light :')

I was asking someone to help me think of names the other day, and she suggested one to me, and I literally came out with the words "I'm not pretty enough to get away with a name like that"

So like.
I don't know :') Just really at a loss rn to be honest.

I've been having CBT for anxiety recently for some of the very same reasons.. i'm an inherent people pleaser and one of my WORST habits is wondering if my reaction/thoughts are proportionate and 'normal' or because of my anxiety.

I'll dig out some of the stuff my therapist has given me later to share with you, see if it'll help.

One thing I will tell you though.. anxiety is normal, everyone has it, what isn't normal is when it overtakes your life. More often than not our feelings and reactions in a situation are perfectly valid and normal, we need to learn to trust our instincts.

I tried CBT a few times and it just never worked for me unfortunately - I felt like I was just being told stuff I already knew - Maybe my person wasn't very good though, Idk ;n;
But I'll take anything that you think will help :')

Like, I literally think I'm crazy sometimes because I'm reacting a certain way and those around me just stare or don't say anything, and then I'm like "Am I even making sense? Does it make sense to you why I'm upset or am I overreacting????"

And I'll just ask that SO many damn times :')

funnily enough, having had anxiety for 20 years, my therapist really hasn't had to explain anything about the mechanics of it.. for me the therapy is more about seeing if they can provide some different tools, or teach me anything I haven't really learned myself about how to cope with it.

From what I can gather so far I've got 95% of it down, there's just some stuff about 'unhelpful' thoughts and getting down to the real reason I react like I do to certain highly charged situations.

I too am in a very similar situation; feeling extremely dysphoric of my name due to huge falling outs with both of my parents- mostly my father. It's definitely not a pleasant feeling, and even worse when people make you feel a negative sort of way about wanting to change it- which I too have been dealing with for the past few years or so- especially from my parents disapproval.

I don't truly understand why people feel like it's such a silly/stupid/shameful thing to do to change your name, even when the reason behind it is justifiable- not that it even needs to be. It's YOUR name so it should be YOUR choice. Though I digress, your name doesn't make you who you are. You say you feel like you've no identity, but it's not a string of letters that makes you who you are! I know it's a big part of HAVING an identity for a lot of people, but in this weird limbo of sorts you're stuck in while trying to find the one that suits you best, don't fret over your identity. Just let your personality and heart take the reins.

As for the process of choosing a name, I'd say maybe don't ask ANYONE what they think about it. It should be something that resonates for YOU. It seems like maybe you're prone to feeling too heavily what others think of you or something you like- (and I don't mean that in an insulting sort of way, just an observations based off of this journal, nothing more). I'd say... find a name that works for you and sit on it for a good long while- at LEAST a month. If by the end of that month you're still at all unsure or feeling off about it, that's probably not the one for you.

All in all, I wish you all the best. I'm considering changing my first, middle and last name soon as well and I have yet to choose a solid set of names to do so. It's not an easy process, but I wish you all the best finding the one that helps you feel complete and able to leave that rocky past behind you. Best wishes, hun!

I find it realllly hard not to ask people their opinions to be honest - It's one huge flaw I have. I care a lot about what the people I care about think, and I really wish I didn't.
The thing is I tend to view myself and situations through such an anxious lense that I feel like I *NEED* to ask what other people think, just for clarification that I'm not thinking or behaving in a certain way just because I'm anxious, and how I'm thinking and feeling is a valid response to "x or y" situation if that makes sense??

I'm constantly looking for validation when I'm upset or scared or w/e, because I don't know if feeling that way is the correct response for someone who *doesn't* have anxiety issues - I literally don't know if that makes sense ><
And I also especially don't want to end up settling on something that doesn't suit my face, or who I am - But then because of my anxiety shit, I always see myself in a more negative light :')

I was asking someone to help me think of names the other day, and she suggested one to me, and I literally came out with the words "I'm not pretty enough to get away with a name like that"

So like.
I don't know :') Just really at a loss rn to be honest.

It sounds like you would benefit from starting some self-love therapy, honestly. Trust me, I know that's far easier said than done. When it comes to anxiety and self-loathing, I can HEAVILY relate, so I definitely understand where you're coming from / what you're trying to say. It's a process, but you can do it, I have faith in you! Just feel it out. Start small. For now, start off with names. Try your best to avoid validation seeking and just... feel the name out for yourself. I'm sure you can find something that you really love and that clicks with you.

I tried CBT and general therapy stuff for anxiety, but honestly they just kept telling me shit I already knew and if anything it made me feel worse dredging up, and talking about all the old shit that just made me feel fucking awful! aha :')
I'm not sure therapy is really for me >< Maybe I just haven't found the right person though ><

Aww, nah. I wasn't speaking of professional therapy. Just anything that works for you. Talking to loved ones, finding a good read that hits home for you, writing, whatever it may be. For me, my partners have helped me more than I ever thought possible. I'm not 'cured' but I'm making big strides in the department of self-loathing. ; w ; I think everybody has a specific type of therapy that works for them. Not necessarily via a professional, 'cause I relate with you there. It didn't help me either, I tried.

I've never changed my name, but I do have my real name and my real name nickname. I've always preferred my real name nickname, and identified with it a lot more. During different times in my life, such as 2 years of college and 3-5 years at a job, I went by my real name because I was too lazy to tell people about my nickname and I really didn't think it would matter. Well fast forward, and I now have good friendships from those years where people still call me my real name, but some have switched to my nickname (without me asking) because after all it's my Facebook name. My point is, people adapt over time even though they say they won't. Yah, you'll always be 'X' to them, but keep reminding them you are now 'Xv.2'. Eventually, MOST will adapt and convert. It's honestly no different than online friends. You meet under a username, and if close enough, learn their real name. And I assume most people either stick to the real name or switch back and forth depending on the context/situation. I say go for it :) A name is everything in self identity and you deserve to be happy in it. <3

i'm just gonna go down the line of questions you had here <3 i'm trans so that's the perspective this is coming from (i'm not sure if you are or are not, i'm just prefacing where this advice is coming from!
i've been fortunate to mostly have support, but there were definitely some rough patches, especially around my name change as i decided to change my surname as well.

from a logistical standpoint, i changed mine through a lawyer; here in the US that's the straightforward (but expensive) way to do it. i think there are less expensive but more tedious routes, but i'm not sure what they are. i just asked a friend for his rate, and saved up til i could meet it. i am still waiting for this to be filed, as my lawyer has decided it's better to wait until things calm down politically- he's afraid it will be reversed. it is simple after this though, just a process of getting all the relevant documents in order in time with the court order.
from a personal standpoint, i had always gone by my preferred last name online, to the point where other people who had known me since gradeschool somehow forgot that it wasn't my legal last name, so i honestly think changing my first name was the bigger process from many. for my family, though, they took it a little harder, like a personal affront (and i think this is the point where i can understand your situation, for some reason people really give a shit what other people call themselves even if it doesnt hurt anyone). for the unsupportive friends you're having i would give them some space to think it over themselves. i found that space was the best remedy for many of the tenser situations i had with people. if after that they're still unsupportive, stress that you're still the same person regardless of your name. if they can't get that down then maybe they aren't the best friends for you.

my family does still have issues with my decision to change my surname, but they seem to have quieted down about it. for me it was similar to yours, where i wanted to distance myself a little from the name connotations. it was hard to tell family that and then see them take it personally, each of them, even though it had little to do with them individually. (if that makes any sense)

my first name was just something i had been called a long time ago when a group of friends (my first 'true' group of friends where i felt like i belonged) all picked opposite-assigned-gender names for each other. mine ended up being benjamin. i really liked the sound of it & it stuck, i don't think i ever really considered any others lol
i think the process of 'seeing myself' as this name was different than your situation, but if i could give you any advice it would be to validate it in your mind but also be patient with yourself. you have habits of thinking, so if you refer to yourself as your old name it isn't that your new one isn't valid, it's just that you're still changing your habit of thinking. this will smooth over and seem less troubling as time passes, and it'll go easier the more of your friends see your side.
for me, that took about 3-4 months to fully sink in, with the above factors all considered. having a supportive partner (and his supportive family, like in your situation) really, really helped. i tried to weather holidays & other social times with them. this was immensely helpful as well.

a lot of figuring out what the fuck to do is leaning on the people who you know love and support you. i have the same issues with reaching out for help and appearing vulnerable, i totally understand where you're coming from. when the support doesn't come from yourself, it doesn't seem real and it's harder to believe in. but 100% take this time to learn how deeply those you value in your life, love you. i was surprised with how much support i got, and it helped me a lot in learning to love myself, and have more conviction in what i wanted to do.

i hope things get better, and that some of this could help. <3

You're 22, you can do whatever you want without needing to fulfill an obligations. I know a handful of people that are struggling with their names because of their respective gender identies and so I'm fairly farmilliar with that shindig.

Basically, there are two aspects to changing you name: social and bureuacratic implications. Socially, you'll have to establish you new name with ALL you acquaintances, friends, family you name it. Everyone you are in contact with needs to know it because otherwise it can take a massive toll on your mental health as well. When introducing yourself to new people however it's oftentimes refreshing and validating to use your chosen name.

Now onto the second part: Bureuacracy. I don't know how it is in the UK but here in Germany (talk about stereotypes) it's hell. Unless your name is prone to get you ridiculed because of pronounciation or first/surname combination, you need to go through a lengthy process of therapeutic appointments just to get a chance at changing your name. That takes several months and there's not much that can be done about it.

HOWEVER, once you get through all that shit, it's very nice I've heard. You get an automatic cleansing of the people around you because those that don't want to know you anymore because you changed your name weren't interested in you to begin with. (you as a person didn't change, only what you're called. That's like not liking Pluto anymore because it's no longer a planet but a dwarf planet. Same fuckin' space rock.)
And also, you don't suffer under your name anymore, so your mental health improves as well.

I mean, in all honesty, while it is good to get a second opinion on stuff, it's not always up to other people what you do in life. Because, well, let me put it this way, I can't fully get what you're going through, but I can get the gist of it, I'm thinking of going through a possible sex change, and yeah, some people aren't going to be happy with that, but it's not their decision. It's my own. So, like, the same can apply to you, it's not their decision whether or not you want to change your name, it's your life, and you should be happy. And if changing your name will help that, I say go for it, screw everyone that thinks it's ridiculous. Cut them out, y'know, you don't need that negativity.

One of my friends was thinking about changing his last name, because of what his father did to him, and while he hasn't gone through with it yet, he still wants to, so I mean, just go for it, change your name, be done with it, you'll probably feel a whole lot better for doing so now that you don't have those ties that are holding you back.

I know one guy who changed his name. Or know of him, really, although chances are I've seen him at conventions.
I don't know what made him want to change his name to start with, but I know he chose to name himself after a childhood hero, in the form of an 80s cartoon character.
His name is Optimus Prime.

Now, I'm not saying you should pick a Transformer name, but maybe that more general line of thinkingm childhood hero, can get you in the right direction.

Dude.

As i have always to you any any other person in a situation like this.

DONT EVER THINK YOU CANT JUST DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE.

Your life is your own, you can be called anything you want to!

TBH you know im in the middle of trying to go throuhg a name change over the last few years and my mother is doing the same shit...being such a cunt about it.

You be called what ever you want and to fucking hell with anyone that wont accept it!!

I feel so dumb now, I calmed down and I think I was just having an big anxiety spoop about people not accepting it/me :')

Honestly can't imagine what it's like for a trans person, it's exhausting under even these circumstances, let alone something so huge as that ><

Here's how I'm looking at it: If changing your name makes you happy then go for it, you've got some legit reasons for wanting it done. In the future, if your feelings change for whatever reason, you could change it back.

You probably don't need me saying this, since a lot of people here are telling you what I would tell you but reminders are always good, no matter how many.

I know a lot of people who want to, have changed, and my ownself that has come across the questionable issues about changing your name. I will tell you what I've told everyone else that, no matter what, you do what makes you happy. Thats [i]no[/b] matter what it is.

Names hold a place for us. Its how we introduce ourselves, how people get to know us. You weren't given the choice to choose what you wanted to be called. Some people embrace it, others have nicknames, and some of us change it.

It always easier said then done to do something. You will always have those people who wont follow through for you either. Change is something inevitable. Its understandable to get things mixed up when your used to something for so long, such as going by a certain name, or even gender. Its sad when someone doesn't take the time to consider what that means for you however and I hope, in time, your friends realize it eventually. Thats their own problem.

Many people still call me by my birthname. I've had friends ask me, when I wanted to be called by Haru that if it was okay to still call me Emmy. I said yes, because they like to. Most people still address me by my nickname. Its better though when you and that person have that understanding. I don't always get that though and I have seen the troubles that come with changing your name. My cousin had our family members no longer talk to them. I have friends who are afraid to change their name because people think its stupid, and family being unreasonable. I've had people say its a disgrace. All just opinions and are things their not willing to change within themselves.

Nothing you do or try is ever stupid. Even if some things aren't the smartest, you never learned other wise.

It is wise to think if it's a good idea to, but from the sound of it, you keep coming back to changing your name over and over again. Its a clear answer to me and life's to short to live with things that make you unhappy.

And if you ever find someone who tells you otherwise, remember this, or come back to me or any of these lovely people and they will remind you <3

I have never changed my name but I do understand that a person has to feel comfortable with their identity. Whether its sexuality, gender or even how they feel about their name, cause if your not happy with something about yourself like your not comfortable in the body your in or how a name or something to that effect makes you feel, then its up to that person to go ahead and do what makes them happy, regardless what anyone else says.

Your friends who said that they rather you keep your current name are not really being supportive and seem to not get the whole reason your doing it or they just don't want to understand. If they are really your friends, they should come around to understand how you feel and accept your new name. While I may not have changed my name I still want to at least show you my support and tell you to do this so then you can be happy and live life with a clean slate so to speak.

I know of someone who changed their whole name due to family reasons as well as wanting the name to sound more local (their other parent is from a different culture) to avoid misunderstandings and issues that might come from having a foreign sounding name.

They searched online for first names that felt fitting and they were happy with, and made up their surname (legally required here unless taking a name already within the family). They asked for help and opinion for the surname from people close to them.

Getting used to the name wasn't difficult (took them only a few weeks) when they enrolled in the military for a year right after. Basically it forced them to quickly adopt it because that was the only name all the people there knew them by.
Some of their friends still accidentally use the old name, but still try their best. Luckily it doesn't bother my friend too much.

They pretty much decided to change it after thinking about it for a few years, and researched it online how to do it.

So TL;DR, pick whatever feels best for you, what you personally identify with and what makes you happy. My friend is very proud of their new name now, with no regrets.

I'm not sure I can give good advice here, but I'll try.

Names have always been kind of tricky with me. My mother and sisters refer to me by my nickname while my father refers to me by an endearing version of my birth name. I thought nothing of it. Until I was around 8 years old, I though my actual name was my nick name, since that was the only thing anyone ever called me. I only found out about my birth name because I had to do some official paperwork that required my name as it appears on my birth certificate. It was kind of a hard hit, like I was living a lie and going by the wrong name. So, I went through a phase where I wanted to be known by my name, as in my birth name. It was kind of difficult and I was teased a lot because it's an unusual name, but it was my name. But... at the same time... it wasn't my name. It's only recently that I've realized that I'm more comfortable with my original nickname. So I'm trying to re-transition back to my nickname little by little while using my birth name when necessary.

So I guess... Just choose a name that you're comfortable with when you're alone, and don't have to answer to anybody. It's about how you refer to yourself, not how other people refer to you. Other people are still going to call you all kinds of names, some nice, some not so much. So at the end of the day, before you go to bed, how do you sign off? How do you refer to yourself? What is your name?

That was a long read, shame im not still in the UK, would be nice to give ya a hug and chat about this.

I myself have changed my name, both first and last and fucked my middle name off entirely.
My reason being, i hated my first name, like since forever, middle name no one could say (being half spanish) and last name.. well i was the last of the ENTIRE family with that name and apparently it was "disrespectful" not to keep it. i can kind of see why, but needed to start a new.

I did it all within a few days and no one knew till it was official.

It really is as simple as just pay a legit site to change your name VIA deedpoll, wait for documents to arrive then the ache starts of going around place to place changing everything that contains your old name, passport, driving license, GP, bank ect ect.

My new name is a "small" change of what i actually wanted, always loved wolves, so i wanted wolf as my last name, Alexus would of been my first, then i slept on the idea, thinking how out of place it would have been for people to say just the first name, turns out alot of people have a last name of wolf x3

So, i made a slight change, wont give full name but its not to far off.

Turns out, family went to shit after they found out, even to this day they still call me by my old name, however they are the only people that do. legally i can ignore them but im still on somewhat ok terms with them. anyone else who calls me by my last name, even the police (for whatever reason) i can legally ignore as it's not my legal name anymore.

My friends, even the non furry kind have always called me wolf, even going waaay back on xbox 360 no one ever used real names. even people who do know my old name, dont care, they're like "cool, good to know" tbh i dont have many, so its not a massive issue for me on people using my old name, only allow it for a select few.

anywho, i think im rambling on. TLDR is basically, for some inner peace, its worth it, even after the hastle of changing all legal documents. sleep on it. write down the name you want, say it out loud, anyone who is down for the idea of the change, ask them to say it out loud and see how it makes you feel when you hear it, cause you'll hear it alot.

There are many here that will happily lend and ear and some advice :3