Last time I really, socially used this website was in my senior year of high school, which was only about 3 years ago, fuck... It seems like an entirely different world. I've experienced things that I can not escape for as long as I live... And I've grown as a result.

This is an emotional topic for me. I'm glad my fingers can do all the work for this, as I am already tearing up, not having even admitted anything specific yet.

From the age 13 until almost halfway through 2018, I was an active sex addict. Since my first year as a teenager, I had been hooking up with men in their 20's to 40's. The situations I've subjected myself to have not left me without mental trauma. While most of the sex I participated in before age 18 was legally rape, there was thankfully only a single time I was taken by force. Some of the sex I have had has been protected. Almost all of it hasn't been. From about age 16-18 (after smoking pot my first couple of times), I required that my hookups smoked me out if they wanted to fuck or whatever. This led to one of the darker periods of my life so far. I hooked up with this guy, we'll call him Scott. We got high and had bareback sex frequently, sometimes in threesomes. A couple months into our... Relationship, if you can call it that, I made a mistake that altered my life in ways I never would have imagined. Scott had myself and a few gay men over late one night, and I failed to noticed him randomly starting to lay down lines as I spoke to someone. After he finished laying out a white powder, he turned to me and asked if I wanted some Coke. My step-mom had said a couple of times that doing Cocaine every once in a while is common, so I said sure. We snorted that shit and smoked it for hours and hours. It made me so incredibly fucking slutty and depraved, I was too swept away in the high to give a shit when Scott informed me in the early hours of the next morning that he had given me Meth. This encounter led to half a year or so of more recreational use, and, even less fortunately, a year and a half of active addiction. For two years I was in on the gay tweaked scene. I came out as FTM transgender at 16, but still only had sex with men for the most part. One or two of the countless random hookups were protected, and the odds of not staying clean were stacked against me. Before I turned 19 I had contracted HIV. My large immediate family worried constantly about my safety and health, and my four parents held a group chat on me at all times. I looked sick constantly, and I felt sick frequently. My mind hand gone off with Tina, however, and I drowned myself in endless sea of yiff and tweaker cum. Things looked bleak to all those around me, but I felt invincible. After months of risky sex, many mentally painful experiences, and multiple suicide attempts. I went into rehab. After a few relapses, my current clean date of Sept. 13th, 2018 stuck. I am over 130 days clean, and my HIV is undetectable. I am deeply in love with my fiance, Logan, and am stepping into the role of step-mother for a 5 year old girl. We are also expecting a baby boy soon. Things are going very smoothly, and I know that staying sober will only continue to do amazing things for my life.

If you are still reading this, thank you for reading the whole thing. I know I can put this here without fear of judgement. I did have a dear friend who is also a fur abandon our friendship when I told him of my meth addiction, but I have faith most of you wouldn't be so judgemental. Have a good day