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My thoughts for today.
6 years ago
Valentines day. The big bad wolf that makes me so fucking anxious. So here goes nothing.
In 4 years, 4 freaking years, I haven't had a valentines day. 1 of 2 things always happens, I either get broken up with before Christmas (because the month of December is one that flairs up my anxiety and depression and super sucks) or they get thru that and then decide at the beginning of February that I'm too high maintenance (which i totally understand?) and it's just not worth their time. Thinking about either of these makes me sad and turns my depression up to like 150 and it turns on a funk that i don't like to be around. But this year. This year hit super hard. I had what i thought was the perfect girl. But again here comes the end of January and i get dumped. Like thanks world. And honestly I'm not saying that I'm not at fault i mean its possible that I'm just not that great and honestly I don't think I'm that great but everyone i know in person says I'm awesome? But are they telling me the truth? These are the things that go thru my head when such things happen. And everyone says don't change for anyone don't be different than yourself but what if I'm actually the issue? What then? Why do i feel like I'm the common denominator? Why do I feel like I'm probably better of alone? Like honestly I don't even think its a thing with me being Trans, Though i have had plenty of guys message me and then not wanna actually talk because im preop so eh? I just don't understand what to do? So today I'm in a funk. And tomorrow I will probably be better and not feel like this. But today I'm just in my feelings. So if i don't message back or if i do and seem off this is why. I love you all and stay kinky! Maybe i just need a good flogging to get out of it. Thanks for reading my rant. <3
In 4 years, 4 freaking years, I haven't had a valentines day. 1 of 2 things always happens, I either get broken up with before Christmas (because the month of December is one that flairs up my anxiety and depression and super sucks) or they get thru that and then decide at the beginning of February that I'm too high maintenance (which i totally understand?) and it's just not worth their time. Thinking about either of these makes me sad and turns my depression up to like 150 and it turns on a funk that i don't like to be around. But this year. This year hit super hard. I had what i thought was the perfect girl. But again here comes the end of January and i get dumped. Like thanks world. And honestly I'm not saying that I'm not at fault i mean its possible that I'm just not that great and honestly I don't think I'm that great but everyone i know in person says I'm awesome? But are they telling me the truth? These are the things that go thru my head when such things happen. And everyone says don't change for anyone don't be different than yourself but what if I'm actually the issue? What then? Why do i feel like I'm the common denominator? Why do I feel like I'm probably better of alone? Like honestly I don't even think its a thing with me being Trans, Though i have had plenty of guys message me and then not wanna actually talk because im preop so eh? I just don't understand what to do? So today I'm in a funk. And tomorrow I will probably be better and not feel like this. But today I'm just in my feelings. So if i don't message back or if i do and seem off this is why. I love you all and stay kinky! Maybe i just need a good flogging to get out of it. Thanks for reading my rant. <3
