This is going to be an important post from me. I will be going to the ER today and also possibly be hospitalized
I am not sure if I will be doing inpatient or outpatient therapy, it'll most likely depend on the ER visit. After my session with my therapist today he recommended that I go to the hospital/ER which to be honest I was already debating on going but after what happened in my session today I made up my mind on going.

I'm really sorry for worrying everyone
I wasn't okay. I feel like I just had this epiphany at my therapist's today that
"Have I been lying to myself this whole time?"
And I broke down crying in his office
Has everything I've lived up to the past 5 years been a lie? All that talk that I'd be fine, I was doing better
Was any of it even true? I don't even know anymore

I'm sorry everyone
I lied to you all

I hope I can finally start to feel better